Adonis Diaries

“Why am I how I am?” (CONTINUE)

Posted on: October 25, 2008

“Why am I how I am?” (CONTINUE, March 8, 2006)

I know from key events in my life that I could have been a successful man.

When I was 12, I was transferred to a totally different schooling system,

Emphasizing French as the primary language which I had forgotten.

By the end of the year, I was among the five best students in French,

Not only among my classmates but also the three other sections.

The following two years I was still better than even the French born students.

When I was 14, the school organized this single ceremony at the end of the year:

We were trained for intricate exercises to be performed in the dark as a class,

Carrying two lighted colored torches; 

I liked these exercises, used the confectioned sang bags as weights to hold doors 

Against the wind, and kept at these exercises every day.

I thus managed to build up the muscles of my arms and forearms 

Which looked disproportionate with my shriveled body.

When I was 21, I enrolled in a session of Tak Wan Doo, a Korean martial art.

Throughout the training I was clumsy and appeared unfit 

Compared to the remaining members of my group 

Who were much more sportive, taller, and better built in stature and shape.

At exam time, it turned out that I was the sole graduate to earn the green belt.



I am interested in the effects of the dichotomy nature versus nurture and their interactions

In causing individuals to acceding at recognition in social spheres,

In behaving as normal and beneficial members of society,

Or acquiring hobbies and skills that keep them happy and alert throughout their life.

It is my opinion that studies in these topics are fundamental for progress,

And the well being of later generations.

This field should be a science by itself but, objectivity set aside, 

I may state my position based on my individual experience.


What I am is anchored on being born healthy 

And being nurtured in an environment 

Which conveyed a sense of security and warmth in the first critical four years.

May be that is why I could attempt adventures that were not planned, 

Running away decisions, keeping faith that I will manage one way or another.

In the summer of 1975, I fled to the USA, my first trip outside my country, 

And was not even accepted at any university.

At the end of 1984, I departed for the USA without any planning whatsoever.

Both times to escape the rot 

Because I was out of a job or not perceiving any opportunity for a job.

In 1991, I ran away to San Francisco, after graduation, 

Without money, or much planning, or known connections. 

In 1979, I decided on a foolish scheme which got me in terrible troubles.

The consequences of this decision must have affected me deeply;

But for years I failed to acknowledge 

Or analyze the influence of this decision on my behavior. 


What I am not is solely the culprit of successive, and

Consistent disadvantageous nurturing processes 

In family, schooling programs, society, and environment.

I tried to learn many skills when it was too late to acquire.

I enrolled in music classes when I was over thirty,

And bought a classical guitar and an accordion, at no avail.

I usually joke that my music classmates 

Waited impatiently for my turn on a “solfege” piece to roar in laughter.


I could have been successful at many skills and hobbies; 

Have I learned them very young, when it was proper and effective.

What I acquired young I kept at it.

I can admit clearly that my failure is the consequence

Of my incapacity for log-term planning;

Due principally to my lack of hunger for anything considered essential by society.

I feel helpless starting a business and abhor lawyering matters.

I could be a flourishing director or manager of an established institution.

I could have been as successful as many individuals 

Who inherited the business of their parents.

I could have learned to acquire a taste for luxury

As I could spend money in profusion when I have it.

I enjoy reading abundantly and have been writing lately.

I like to share my reading books and my writings.

Who cares reading anymore?

2 Responses to "“Why am I how I am?” (CONTINUE)"

Me ! 🙂
I came across your blog and I really find it soooo interesting. I love the way you write, analyze things and the fact that you like to share your thoughts, experiences and intersts.
I’m sure that I’ll be one of the regular visitors of your blog, so keep writing and amaze us !

Adonis this is amazing. Reading this, such a brief flashback of someone’s life. I find it is a strong blow of reality, or time, or change… It is amazing that you can look back on your life so objectively and understand and evaluate. I think you have so many fresh ideas to offer to your readers… and to the world. If only more people knew about you. But what i find people define as success is what you wrote:

“In causing individuals to acceding at recognition in social spheres”

and this is a pity. what happened in 1979?

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October 2008

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