Adonis Diaries

“Metaphysic of tubes” by Amelie Nothomb

Posted on: December 1, 2008

“Metaphysique des tubes” by Amelie Nothomb, (Started November 30, 2008)

God needed exactly two years to express his wrath. 

During that time of gestation outside of the uterus, God was a Plant.  Worse, God was a Tube: food was entered in a mouth and then excreted.

The large green-gray eyes were focused on nothing; the eyes never expressed any sign of a desire in selecting a particular object, which means to refuse other objects for a specific one.

The plant/tube was content of his total inertia.  The “parents” tried once to raise it and made its tiny fingers grab the bar of the crib; the body fell unaffected and lay contented.

Nothing would move that “thing” and shake the child out of her “pathological lethargy“.

One day, God got mad.

Anger, the magnitude of the universe, made God roar, shout and gesticulate 22 hours a day for 6 months.

An accident might have disturbed his lethargic brain and the gates of hell got loose-opened.

The serene large eyes developed pupils darker than volcanic ashes, and more incandescent.

The parents were nostalgic of these years of serenity and blessings in disguise. The mother gave up holding the angry God: God would box her like the devil.

God is all-powerful and capable of anything, but he could not name things as the other “creatures” do, effortlessly and elegantly uttered them.

God got angrier and angrier at his helplessness and barely could sleep or let others sleep.

The grand day came; grand mother finally decided to travel from Belgium to Japan to see her third grandchild of an angry girl.  She entered the monster’s lair.

God had decided to bite the finger of the new visitor as soon as she approaches any kinds of fingers. Curiously, at the end of the fingers dangled a Belgian white chocolate.

The God/Monster had a bite of the chocolate and discovered voluptuousness.  God defined the new discovery as: Voluptuousness is “I”; I am “voluptuousness”.

The grandmother carried victoriously the born-again God, happily cuddled in her arms; she would not divulge her demonizing secret.

After two and a half years of gestation, God was alive, in motion, and out of her potent inertia.  Amelie’s long-lasting love for any thing with heavy sugar content started…

This is the most hilarious book that I have read so far and the most intelligent.  I would love to translate it in English word for word but I need money too.

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