Adonis Diaries

My High School summer: Introspection

Posted on: December 26, 2008

Last high school summer, (Chap. 14).

I barely succeeded in my first  “Baccalauria” (public exam) in 1968, and that summer I attended ideological indoctrination session to a political party, which would start my downfall as a student, and loss of any prospect for any civil or military positions in the government institutions.

The next year, I failed both the French and Lebanese public exams of “Matheleme“. I managed to barely pass the required Lebanese “Matheleme” in the second trial in September.

These failures were a turning point in my future and this critical summer of 1969 was a total loss in prestige as a good student and, worse, for lack of preparing to enter any university.

Indeed, I didn’t enjoy that summer, which should have been the best summer ever and spent it studying and reviewing for the nth time all the boring course materials, and not feeling like solving math or physics exercises or problems.

I recall that we rented the tiny ground floor apartment of George and Marie Ghoussoub building in Kuneitra, and I spent most of my hours walking the yards of the nearby Sisters’ convent of Mar Maroon to recapitulate my boring notes and school books while everyone were taking trips.

I recall that I noticed a smashing Yugoslavian beauty of around 30 year-old, tall, raven black hair, and renting an apartment around the convent of Mar Maroun and I used to wait diligently for her to show up on her balcony in her “negligee”. To my chagrin, she got married the next year.

I was supposed to participate in a Lebanese play at the end of summer and had memorized my part for a few sessions before I drop out from the group of first-time actors to prepare for my exam.  The play was a success and was shown twice on the basketball court in Beit-Chabab.

We used to hire buses and travel all over Lebanon during summers, but I didn’t participate in the fun.

I recently read “AnteChrista” by Amelie Nothomb and she described an introverted 16-year old girl named Blanche.  Blanche located a group of three girls in her class who were happy together.  She forced herself in the group and never left it.

Three months later she overheard them talking how happy the three of them were and how much fun and great time they were having.  Blanche discovered that she was practically invisible among them; the group didn’t even notice that she left them.

It is practically my life story when young.

Maybe that the environment is not initially a major factor on your psychological tendencies and constitution, but it does make you sink in deeper and deeper no matter how hard you try to alter to extrovert type.

I never had my own room, and even then, my mom would have not let me decorate it my own way or leave it in a state of chaos.

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December 2008

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