Adonis Diaries

Heaven and Hell

Posted on: April 12, 2009

Heaven and Hell (April 12, 2009)

I was led to read with some attention detailed descriptions of heaven and hell; I was shocked with these infantile and crude stories that are carbon copies in all Books.

I had the impression that all these prophets had no imagination for even slight variations; actually the only tiny variations were in the sadistic punishment of those intended to be visiting hell.

I had another revelation: all those prophets started recounting scenes of heaven and hell after they received recognition and enjoyed the tendency to clinging to power. It was as if scaring people is the common technique to all who hold on to power.

All those prophets lived the masochist life till getting recognition and then let their imagination loose on the sadest sadistic punishments and undaunting lusty desires. It was like all those prophets are of a certain type of men that sustain only extreme binary attitudes although the messages are of learning to tend to the middle line in the spectrum of our passions.

I have something to say. But first let me refresh your memory.

On Heaven you have got four rivers. You select from the following items:

1. first, a river of pure running potable water;

2. second, a river of milk or yogurt with even taste (you might have to settle on your personal good taste; I am not sure if you might have to go through the hassle of tasting all possibilities: we have been fighting for choices and opportunities in our entire earthly life; I know that a few States have offered so many varieties of choices and opportunities that the citizens complained and finally revolted.

If you are allergic to milk then no problems, go on selecting other items);

3. third, a river of honey (I assume in those days only unadulterated bee’s honey was marketed; more Book’s research funding is required);

4.  fourth, a river of perfume (not specific, you would have tough choices if you failed to try all scents while alive);

5.  fifth, a river of wine that never gets you inebriated enough to utter foul sentences (I guess you should have choices of alcoholic beverages: you earned it. My hypothesis is that you can opt for the four rivers to be of the wine kinds: you earned it, mind you).

6. Sixth, a river of oil (I am strongly inclined to believe that it is olive oil; tough luck if you hate olive oil; you can switch this river to scotch or vodka, I guess). How to drink is no problem in heaven: you can use crystal cups, jars, Jeri can of gold, silver, or titanium (that last metal is of my own invention) or just sit and lap straight from the source or I would suggest letting your sweetheard pour it from her fresh mouth.

Oh, on the subject of sweetheart you have to be patient a little: I just like suspence. If none of these rivers are to you liking then remember: the guiding light is not to worry about heaven: it is the other alternative that you should account for.

From what I read I came into understanding that we are all going to hell first; pretty much as immigration concentration camps. Then very few would be shown the exit door; and many less would be acrobatic and focused enough to cross the long thin bridge to heaven.

But that is bad composition: I should stick to heaven now.

You don’t have to worry at all. Just imagine the varieties of condiments! Do you like fresh, juicy, and ripe fruits? Do you love dates, grapes, or pomegranate? These are the fruits mentioned in the Books; remember, you better get a taste for Levantine assortment of fruits; but it is also said that you can have any kind of fruits and I suggest you don’t get frazzled that soon.

The beauty of it is that trees will deliver their fruits in any position you feel comfortable in such as standing, lying, stooping, or sitting. My impression is that you could order the branch to drop the fruit in your open mouth.

If I physically toiled hard in my life then that would be my ideal option of delivery. Hey man, wait. We have got the best news ever. It will blow your brain away. You will have all the women and adolescent men for any kind of intercourse you desire. You can carry on bachan parties any time you want and you will be perched on high wide beds, very cushy and comfortable.

Good tiding for the women kind. You are not in the picture of heaven and hell: the Jewish sect in Judea never endowed you with souls anyway. But don’t you worry as yet. God will re-create you to pleasure the select men.

Sorry, since very few men will be selected then don’t push it for all of you to be re-created. The good news is, if created, you will all have white skin, screwy eyes (hawal), long hair, and none of you would be over 33 of age. You will enjoy firm square tits; it is up to the select men to shape your tits to the fruit of their desire; that is how I figure it.

Certainly you will be wearing jewelry and silk dresses; I think that unlike men wearing only fine white robes, you might have a wide selection of fabrics and colors.

On Hell, this section would be brief: I know that you guys have suffered enough in this life that you don’t give much weight to the puny punishements that you might be alloted in hell. Hell is simply fire, a lot of it, and its temperature is sixty times the temperature of earth core. Hell is not upgraded with fire alarms. It was the result of lack of imagination: a million fire alarms going off and all the time would certainly scare the bejesus out of anyone, regardless if he is engulfed in fire and black smoke.

Thus, don’t fear that much, please. The mechanical instruments for conveying pain are archaic; they are mostly chains, gardening, and harvesting implements, and the sorts. There is no diabolic high tech suffering machines.

I failed to read that you might be half buried in sand to be nibbled at by ants in a scortching desert. Guantanamo Bay was, since time of creation, in the visual field of God but he refrained at the last second: God wanted to test the evil potentials of men.

I doubt that predicators go around describing in details the conditions in hell and heaven; they tend to just mention hell and heaven as if everybody was told once in his life the stories in these places, and once is enough to grab the attention of kids.

Most probably that hell was described to kids at untenable moments but I doubt heaven was ever a favorite topic to parents. My suggestion is if we feel ashamed to tell the minute details of hell and heaven as recounted in the Books, if these stories should be labeled X-rated for cruelty or sexuality and not suited for less than 18 years of age then the words hell and heaven should be scraped from theology teaching.

The level headed should desire to die. If hell, then it is a piece of cake compared to our hellish life on earth; ask any persecuted inhabitant and who was detained and tortured and humiliated. Definitely, hell has lost its power to scare.

If heaven, then hmm…it won’t be such a bad condition after all to live in. I might be slightly worried of boredom but I trust God would endow the “Houries” with enough playfulness to keep me interested for infinity. Heaven definitely can have my vote.

I sincerely hope that my readers are invested with strong sense of humor.

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adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

April 2009
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