Adonis Diaries

Editing love opening

Posted on: July 13, 2009

Rachel’s Sixth Sense  

I used to swim at a Navy complex in Bethesda from 1993 to 1998. I used to patronize this affordable facility at least three times a week, mostly around 3 o’clock in the afternoon.


She was a beauty by any standard. I think she was a cadet in the Navy, following swimming training and evaluation. I wanted to get to know her but could not talk to her during her busy schedule. I wrote her a song and kept a copy with me for the next time I see her.


Here is the song:


Beautiful girls sense me.  They know for sure,

           Exactly, what I’m up to.

They sense me in a split-second and get busy.

           She swims with energy, non-stop.

She swims fine, back strokes, crawl, in laps.

           I do all that too, leisurely.

She swims constantly and does not breathe.

           I have strong senses too:

She is not taking a break.  Not Today.

           I decide for a note, dropped on her towel.

It should say: “I think you are beautiful”.

           Everything I see in you is beautiful”.

I feel more at ease and then, hope takes the extra step.

           She must take a short break, any second now.

My brain is boiling and I am editing.

           My sentence should be reduced to bare essentials.

“I think you are beautiful, everything I see in you is beautiful” is too long:

           No time for her to hear me out.

 Just “Beautiful!” will not do: I know that by now.

           “You are beautiful!” is about right.

 I am swimming leisurely.  There is no movement around me.

            There is no towel.  She vanished.

 Hang it all.  I’ll write about that swim.


The next time I saw her in the swimming pool, “next time” might not be that accurate, I made sure that she saw me drop a piece of paper on her towel.  Then, I left.


A week later, I asked her: “What’s your name?”  She simply said: “It’s Rachel and I’m dating”. That was all that was said between us.  Not even a thank you or an allusion to the note.  History repeats its cycle.


I realized though that her lady co-swimmers have been noticing me for quite a time.

A lame recognition!  A bad poem, a good poem, still, recognition!

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July 2009

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