Adonis Diaries

Archive for October 16th, 2009

“But I do not love him…”; (October 14, 2009)             

            A love on and off affair of one of my close relatives got me thinking.  Invariably we all think that we are acute psychologists in interpreting the behavior of others and that we need no formal schooling in that practice. Our reduced life experience enlarges our abstract notions into the realm of truths; but not many would venture into writing an article that smacks of psychology.  My earlier decision to shrink my posts to less than a thousand words will save me many mishaps by lengthy chatting on this peculiar topic.

This fundamental concept dawned on me: Women would instantly marry men they fall in love with, regardless whether love is reciprocated as long as the man is accommodating. Most women are viewed as pragmatic because they prefer to marry men able to provide a comfortable standard of living.  This perception is in the “common sense” category of evidences among men: in most cultures men are the ones expected to make the first moves and ask for the hand of their selected choices and parents have definite say after financial investigation of the targeted family. 

This perception is far from the truth. First, if a woman has the choice between a comfortable provider and the one she loves then she would select the man she loves with no hesitation in most cases.  Fortunately, these moments of choices are rare, simply because either the woman has not yet fallen in love, or the one she loves is not available (basically, unreachable to work diligently on him). Second, the ratio of achiever man combined with an imagination running wild into recounting enchanted stories and projects (that women tend to fall in love with) and the rest of the other kinds of men is pretty abysmal; and thus, women have a puny pool of men to fall in love with among the eligible. 

The perception of women having practical streak is the result of the rare occasions for women to show their fundamental sides. I am not distinguishing between the “independent” and “non-independent” women because the concept of “preferring the man she loves” is a truth for all normal women when the right occasion is available.  One advantage for an independent woman to marrying the man she loves is that she has a wider intellectual and practical range of means to work on her man as long as he is receptive. Mind that I didn’t define an “independent” woman by her economic status of financial self-sufficiency, although that would give the woman a powerful advantage in most cases.  What I mean by an independent woman is the one that was permitted freedom of choices in many sectors of life during her upbringing, or her folks were lenient enough to encourage her to take initiatives and allow her to impose the choices in most instances.  Thus, an independent woman has acquired a flexible and trained mind to investing energy and time at studying her choices and carrying them into satisfactory results.

Allow me to go one step further in matter of truths; a “pragmatic” married woman would never relinquish her God’s given right to seeking the love of her life.  That is why divorces and unhappy houses are so widespread everywhere and in among all cultures.

I would be interested reading studies or stories on attractive enough spinsters, and then discovering the main reasons for them failing to marry.  My hypothesis is that a spinster was in love with a “local” man and the “rich” practical men were not forthcoming or felt that the spinster was not a good actor for sending the right signals as expected of her. I reduced my sample of “attractive enough” spinsters because I feel the attribute “beautiful” is such a strong characteristic for men that no beautiful woman will go unmarried in most cases.  Mind that I will not insists on the characteristics of men simply because a man needs a lifetime to applying Socrates’ dictum “know your own self!”

Women in general do not give words coming from man much weight as evidence for truth; women believe that they have a set of battery of their own lie detectors to verify if a man is saying the truth; they need constant affirmation that the man is behaving correctly in order to control their hold on him.  The best criterion for women to discriminate strong from weak men is to demand from men to pour their heart out and provide total description of their status, life, and inclinations; women insist on their men to tell everything: implicitly, to convince men that they believe in their words; but this is the most important first test. 

If men fall into that trap and divulge everything then they have lost the war already; women want strong men and those men who tell them everything are categorized as weak in character and useless to protect them or to fall in love with them.  Those men who failed this critical test and succumbed to weakness should never expect the woman to fall in love with him even if she decided to marry him; in this case she loves to play mother.  The woman who marries such a “weak” man has fundamentally no real interest in men but prefer this front to save further exacerbations with constant wowing and pressures from men.

No, it is not an undertone power struggle for the search of a weak man to dominate because women naturally want to be the leaders in the family and they would ultimately grab that power with minimum determination.  All that women want from men is to constantly tell them what women like to hear and to hell with the truth which they can always discover with their own array of lie indicators and detectors. Men should master the techniques for perfect confident lie stories that women love to hear as long as they never forget to compliment them frequently and act very devoted to them.

            Consequently, a word of advice for grown up men, those who didn’t marry in their mid twenties: dig into whatever intuitive power you have to feel whether the girl of your choice may fall in love with you.  Rushing mindlessly and immediately into investing energy, time, and resources to just wowing her is a typical man’s weakness.  Now, if your intuition was high jacked by an evil spirit into believing that the love of your life is indeed in love with you, then the next step is to discourage your girl from meeting with comfortable providers by any means available. 

            All these suggestions are for just the practical situation of getting married.  Living happily is a totally another issue and I am no redundant prophet.  Simply remember what I said of woman’s single uncompromising faith of her God’s given right “to falling in love with a man once in her lifetime”. The harshest instances for me are being under constant investigation: Being forgotten in a gulag is a more tenable alternative for me.

 

Note: this post is a re-edited version of my prior “She let go of her suitor” written in November 17, 2007 

The devil is NOT in the details; (October 16, 2009)

 

            Details are what bring people together to communicate, dialogue, and negotiate to reach compromises.  The main wall that separate among communities is the concrete wall mixed with myths, general concepts, and abstract notions.  Strong with draft details each organization can start to sort out the differences and comprehend the big picture; it is never the way around in social behavior. I will discuss two cases, one religious and the other of political nature.

            After the crucifixion of Jesus many Christian sects were born in the Near East in the first four centuries.  Fundamentally, these sects were almost identical in applying the Jewish daily rituals or the Jewish 650 laws of “correct” conduct. What separated these sects were abstract concepts that did not harm their peaceful coexistence in separate communities of believers: they never attacked by force one another; military persecutions started when the Church acquired central power in Constantinople; whole “heretic” sects and entire communities had to flee to safety. 

            Thus, The Mighty Wall was erected after 325 AC when Byzantium Empire decided to adopt Christianity as the main religion of the Empire.  Thus, the central power concept of the Empire dictated that church should be centralized.  Instead of focusing in negotiating on the details that split the various sects an upper abstract super-structure on concepts was imposed; concepts such as the dual nature of Christ, the deity of the threes (the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit), the virginity of the mother Mary and on.  This time around, the sects were to join the Orthodox Church by force if need be: a central Empire cannot permit disunity, even on totally nonsense abstract conjectures!

            Consequently, the labeled “heretic” sects had to flee beyond the eastern shores of the Euphrates River (to the Persia Sassanide Dynasty).  The Nestourian sect reached China and translated “their” Bible into the Chinese language. Many other “heretic” sects settled in the Arabic Peninsula; the Christian-Jewish “Ebionite” sect was firmly entrenched in Mecca; the uncle of the Prophet Muhammad, Ain Warkat, was the Patriarch of this sect and Muhammad learned to read in the Aramaic Ebionite Bible; Muhammad aided his uncle in the translation of this specific Bible into the Arabic slang of Mecca.  Thus, Islam is originally a common denominator “heretic” Christian sect, one of many Christian sects in the Arabic Peninsula; the Prophet had to delete all the abstract notions to unite the sects; it was named Islam or the belief in the One and only God.

            The strong animosity of the Catholic Church of Rome against Islam was not directed at a religion such as Buddhism or Mazdean but at a new “heretic” Christian sect usurping its central power in the Near East. The Orthodox Church in Constantinople was more lenient with Islam because it understood its genesis and the causes for the need of this new “heresy”; for Constantinople Islam was the oriental counterpart of Protestantism to Rome when Islam became the dominant religion in the region. 

            It is said: “the enemy of my enemy is my ally”; this Machiavellian principle was lost to obscurantist Catholic Church. Rome was too far away and fought Islam with the ignorance of abstract concepts. For the Catholic Church in 1,000 AC, Islam was doubly “heretic” instead of just the counterpart to the central Orthodox Church of the Byzantium Empire: it failed to realize that if Islam spread so fast and so widely it is mainly because most the labeled Christian heretic sects quickly converted to Islam as representing their system of belief against the monopole of Constantinople.

 

            The other case is the concept of a Syrian Nation with well delimited natural borders including Palestine, Jordan, Lebanon, Syria, and part of Iraq to the west of the Tiger (Dujlat) River. This concept was highly widespread among the people of the region as the Ottoman Empire was dying during WWI.  It was still even more alive during the mandate of France and Britain to the region (Near East) after WWI. The people in the Syrian Nation speak one language and have the same customs and tradition.  This nation was as natural as ABC; the immigrants were first called Turks during the Ottoman Empire and then they were all called Syrians regardless of location or religion.

            The main problem is that the political parties spent two critical decades proving the evident (according to the newer definitions of the West for a Nation) instead of making the effort to developing draft detailed programs on the type of political administrative structure for this nation, the social representation, and election laws; (for example, is it a Federal structure like the USA where each mandated State is fully autonomous with local government and local parliament, or provinces tailored made to religious, ethnic, and sectarian majorities, or loosely united States with open borders, common money, central army, or centralized foreign affairs; is Syria to be a monarchy and what kind). 

            Instead of discussing detailed programs, political parties mushroomed with abstract concepts not based on facts or pragmatic long-term goals. The colonial “mandated powers” of France and England had field days of “dividing to rule”.  Every sect established its political party in every potential State claiming either total independence, or seeking a pan-Arabic Nation of Arabic speaking majorities in States, or Islamic Nation.  We watched the emergence of communist parties disclaiming the notion of affiliating to a nation, to sectarian parties claiming democracy, socialism, and progressive. The worst propaganda that was encouraged by the colonial powers is to incite citizens against the Syrian people with the objective of discrediting the word Syria and giving it a bad connotation.

              Natural borders of chain of mountains, desert, or large rivers do not necessarily protect from invasions; natural borders certainly encourage people to trade and interact inside the borders.  It is the internal rough geography and terrain that protects from outside military incursions.  Once a force crosses the border then Syria is an open land all the way to Egypt. Syria, or the Near East, was continuously occupied by foreign armies: these foreign invaders had to retreat quickly or get absorbed culturally. Whatever monuments, constructions, temples, sport arena, or scholarly works that were attributed to invading nations (Persia, Egypt, Greek, Rome, or Arab) are basically the work of the Near Eastern civilization, their scholars, their craftsmen, and their adventurous business acumen.

            The City-States in the Near East (Tyr, Sidon, Byblos, Ugharit, Mary …) competed in commerce and trade but never attacked one another militarily.  In Greece, City-States frequently waged military wars against one another.  The Near Eastern people adopted defensive strategy; even Carthage in its apogee refrained to antagonize Rome militarily.

            Egypt and Persia frequent invasions in the Near East did not last long.  The Greek were absorbed: what Europe claim as Greek civilization is nothing less than the civilization of the Greek writing Syrians who spoke Aramaic.  Rome was finally absorbed: the Roman Laws are of the legal minds from the school of Beirut and the latest Emperors were born, raised, and educated in Syria. The Byzantium Empire was fundamentally a Near Eastern Empire.  The Arabs from the Arabic Peninsula were absorbed when Damascus was selected as Capital during the Umayyad Dynasty; the Arabs were absorbed by the Persian civilization when the capital shifted to Baghdad.  The Mogul retreated quickly but established long lasting Empires in India and Afghanistan. The Ottoman conquered this land and could not be absorbed: the Syrian people were already exhausted from many years of successive invasions, religious obscurantism, and immigration by scholars to greener pastures.  France and England retreated within two decades.  Israel failed to retreat on time and is now being absorbed as Near Eastern regardless of Israel attempts to seeking European image.

            Consequently, failing to writing a draft on a possible administrative program for the Syrian Nation opened the door to abstract concept instead of working out negotiation and dialogue on pragmatic matters that concerned the people.


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

October 2009
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