Adonis Diaries

An elderly Father managing a talk with his elderly child?

Posted on: April 7, 2013

An elderly Father managing a talk with his elderly child?
A letter sent by a very old father to his son or daughter…
I might live long enough, and this situation is becoming a common occurrence. One day I’ll be too old and out of control and in great need of understanding to my predicament, especially the physical shortcoming.
1. If I dirty my pants, or splatter food while eating, and not able to wear my cloths on my own… Would you be understanding? Do I have to remind you that I spent a whole lot of time to train you to be self autonomous on these counts?
Jedo George. #grandpa. Photo by Yuhanna and Joanna  Choukeir Hojeily
Photo: Jedo George. #grandpa
2. If I keep repeating myself, telling the same old stories and lucubration… Would you be kind to tend a listening ears, never to interrupt me… Do I have to remind you that I never ceased to read you and tell your preferred stories before you go to sleep?
3. Many times I won’t feel like shaving or washing or taking a bath: I am fragile, feel cold and sick from lengthy physical chores. Would you do your best not to shame me? Should I remind you how often I had to run after you, and invent all kinds of excuses in order to wash you and make you familiar with hygiene matters?
4. It is hard for me to keep up with new technologies: The pace is so fast and changing for my mental disposition to drastic new training. Would you erase this ironic smile and allow me the necessary time to adapt, if I must have to? Do I have to remind you what it took for me and your teachers to teach the alphabet?
5. I realize that I frequently lose track of the sequences of the story, and I feel like I am out of current memory and cannot remember new names… Would you learn to stay calm? What I want is not telling you stories, but keeping you close by me as long as you can manage. Forget that what I am saying is that important and that I am intent on teaching you anything I failed to do long time ago.
6. As my legs weaken and I cannot follow you, would you stop and extend to me a helping arm?
7. I tend to voice wishes for a quicker death. No need to get upset: Everything in due time makes sense. You can see that I am barely vegetating. I wish I could read or listen to music or type my “autobiography”…
8. I have made many errors and mistakes in your upbringing. Could you forgive a few of them? I think that I followed what I knew, the way I was raised and the customs that were imposed on me. Deep down, I prayed that what I did was for your interest…
9. Help me to finish my journey with a smile and an appeased heart. May your heart find peace and contentment.
You may add to this general list of troubles ad nauseous.
What counts is “What are the particular problems that your dad or mom are currently suffering from?”
What counts is “How are you personally participating and cooperating with your elderly folks?”
Are you guys really talking? Anything to talk about?
Note 1: This letter is far more adapted to a mother talking to her children: Fathers are Not Famous of having Job’s patience and performing Herculean efforts to caring for the children on a daily basis. If on a rare occasion a father cleaned a toddler or ran after a child to bath him, he will remind the kid of this feat after each heated argument…
Fact is, mothers think of all she had to go through, in upbringing children, but I doubt they ever remind their kids of the chores they took for granted, much less writing any such a letter.
Most probably, it is difficult for me to imagine a father sending such a mushy letter that doesn’t sound real and believable.
Note 3: The French text is:
Lettre d’un vieux père à son fils ou à sa fille…Si un jour tu me vois vieux, si je me sali quand je mange et que je ne réussi pas à m’habiller, soit compréhensif, souvient toi du temps que j’ai passé pour t’apprendre.
Si quand je parle avec toi je répète toujours les mêmes choses, ne m’interromps pas, écoute moi, quand tu étais petit je devais te raconter chaque soir la même histoire avant que tu ne t’endormes.
Quand je ne veux pas me laver ne me fait pas honte, souviens toi quand je devais te courir après en inventant milles excuses pour que tu ailles au bain.
Quand tu vois mon ignorance pour les nouvelles technologies, donne moi le temps nécessaire et ne me regarde pas avec se sourire ironique, j’ai eu tant de patience pour t’apprendre l’alphabet.
Quand par moment je n’arrive pas à me souvenir ou que je perd le fil de la conversation, donne moi le temps nécessaire à retrouver la mémoire et si je n’y arrive pas ne t’énerve pas, la chose la plus importante n’est pas ce que je dis mais le besoin d’être avec toi et de t’avoir là a m’écouter.
Quand mes jambes fatiguées n’arrivent plus à tenir la cadence de tes pas, ne me considère pas comme un boulet, viens vers moi et offre moi la force de tes bras comme je l’ai fait lorsque tu as fait tes premiers pas.
Quand je dis que j’aimerai être mort, ne te fâche pas, un jour tu comprendras ce qui me pousse à le dire. Essaie de comprendre qu’à mon âge on ne vit pas, on survie.
Un jour tu découvriras que malgré mes erreurs je n’ai toujours voulu que le meilleur pour toi, que j’ai tenté de te préparer la route.
Donne moi un peu de ton temps, donne moi un peu de ta patience, donne moi une épaule sur laquelle poser ma tête de la même façon que je l’ai fait pour toi.
Aide moi à avancer, aide moi à finir mes jours avec amour et compréhension, en échange je n’aurais que mon sourire et l’immense amour que j’ai toujours eu pour toi. Je t’aime mon enfant……

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April 2013

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