Adonis Diaries

“The Book of Arab Humor” by Jean-Jacques Schmidt, Part 1

Posted on: July 11, 2013

“The Book of Arab Humor” by Jean-Jacques Schmidt, Part 1

1. Ugly Walid ibn Yazid (future caliph) came in to visit caliph Hisham, his uncle. Walid was wearing an intricate laced turban that cost 1,000 dinars. Hisham was flabbergasted by this expensive item. Walid said: “This turban covers the most important part of my body. You purchased a girl slave for 10 times that amount, just to satisfy the vilest of your parts…” (The Omayyad Empire reached its vastest expansion, from Afghanistan to Spain during Hisham)

2. Abu Harith was cooking meat with friends. One retrieved a piece of meat saying “It lacks salt”, another “It lacks pepper”, “It lacks onion”… Abu Harith checked the pot and exclaimed “It lacks meat

3. I married a woman in Harran and she gave birth within 40 days. She explained “You built the walls on the foundation of another one…”

4. The wife heard the imam preaching: “If your husband “honors” you once, you set the foundation for your palace in Heaven. If he does it twice, you erect the walls, the third times you raise the arches…”  The husband had to be awakened several times that night to build the entire palace. At last the husband got a relief as he reminded his wife “The masons told me that if the clay is not allowed to dry and hardened, the whole palace will collapse…”

5. The bereaved daughter was crying “Where are they taking you father? To a place where there is not light, no food, no drink, no joy, no conversation…?” The kid accompanying his father said “Dad? Are they sending this body to our home?”

6. The Abbasid caliph Mahdi (father of Harun Rashid) lost his hunting party and visited a bedwin tent. asking to be fed. The bedwin fed him and poured date wine to the stranger. The first cup was an opportunity for the caliph to say “Do you know who I am? I accompany the Commander of the Believers“.  The second cup “I am one of the knights of the caliph”, the third cup “I am the caliph”.

The bedwin closed the bottle and would not pour another cup. He said: “I am afraid in the fourth round you might claim that you are Prophet Muhammad

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