Sorry to burst your bubble, but here are 10 brutally honest facts about St. Patrick’s Day.

• 10
  St. Patrick wasn’t Irish.
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  Historians believe he was born in what is now England, Scotland or Wales.
• 9
  St. Patrick’s color is blue.
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  WE’VE BEEN LIVING A LIE. You might want to hold off on the green face paint this year.
• 8
  St. Patrick’s Day as we know it was invented in America.
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  Really?! Catholic University’s Irish American expert, Timothy Meagher, explains that St. Patrick’s Day celebrations began in the 18th century in American cities with large Irish immigrant populations.
• “It becomes a way to honor the saint but also to confirm ethnic identity and to create bonds of solidarity,” Meagher explained. Really.
• 7
  March 17th is the day St. Patrick died.
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  So you’re celebrating his death, you a**hole.
• 6
  St. Patrick didn’t drive all the snakes from Ireland.
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  Probably because there’s no evidence that snakes have EVER existed in Ireland. The climate is much too chilly for them.
• 5
  The shamrock isn’t the symbol of Ireland.
  
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  Sure, you can find shamrocks all over the Emerald Isle, but the real symbol is the harp.
• 4
  St. Patrick’s Day used to be a dry holiday.
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  Today’s booze-bags look to the holiday as a great excuse to start drinking Guinness at 9 AM.
• Until 1970, however, all pubs in Ireland were closed in observance of the religious feast day.
• 3
  Corned beef and cabbage isn’t a traditional Irish dish.
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  It’s just about as Irish as spaghetti and meatballs. You’re better off sticking to Guinness.
• 2
  There are more Irish people living in the U.S. than Ireland.
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  The population of Ireland is about 4.2. million. In contrast, there are around 34 MILLION people of Irish descent living in America.
• 1
  Your odds of finding a four-leaf clover are slim to none.
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  1 in 10,000 to be exact.

Ouch.

But let’s end on a happy note. At least these two guys are Irish.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone!