Adonis Diaries

Does your Grandmother fall within one of these types?

Posted on: October 3, 2014

Does your Grandmother fall within one of these types?

What reminds you of a raisin and death simultaneously? That’s right, a grandmother.

There are many types of grandmothers; some of them kind, some mean, some warm and fuzzy – and by fuzzy I’m referring to their facial hair.

We’re obliged to love them all because they’re wrinkly and smell like bay leaves and medicine. Here are four common types of Lebanese grandmothers.

Mrs. Clause

(Image via Brinkie Bunch)

Spoiling and over-stuffing you are her specialties. She’s most likely plump herself, and has made it her life’s mission to make sure you gain a solid kilo every time you set foot in her house.

If you don’t come over to her house in order to avoid the caloric attack, she will sneakily send food to your house along with dessert.

She gets genuinely offended when you tell her you’ve just eaten and considers it a personal attack on her cooking.

Do you think she cares that you’d much rather not eat four servings of lasagna followed by an entire cake?

It is best to just shut up and embrace the added weight.

The Guilt-Tripper

(Image via Ignorant Fucks)

She will convince you that she’s dying within a matter of days and that this may very well be your last chance to enjoy her company.

You immediately start envisioning years of regret for not visiting her more often.

You imagine yourself weeping uncontrollably at her funeral, only to watch her live until you’re well into your late 50’s.


(Image via Mata Traders)

She refuses to believe that not only does she have children, but her children have children of their own.

She has probably concocted a fun nickname for herself instead of grandma (what’s a tati?) in order to further live in denial that she’s no longer in her thirties, or forties, or fifties.

She tries to remain young and hip, her wardrobe consisting mostly of jeans that are way too tight and tops made of gold-lamé, and she does a good job of criticizing your outfits, relationship and breeding status on the regular.

The Meddler

(Image via Cinema Blend)

Good luck trying to do anything without consulting this one first.

Her fury will rain down on you much like her breasts rain down on her knees.

She wants to marry her granddaughter off to an engineer, on the sole condition that he is from the family’s village.

She does everything short of make a ticking noise while pointing at your ovaries to remind you that your baby-making days are swiftly running out.

She wants the most gorgeous and wonderful girl for her grandson, who most likely sucks at life and is a spoiled brat.

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