Adonis Diaries

Archive for January 18th, 2015


“In my House, I seat people around the table” (Short story)

It’s Sunday around 1:50 pm. Josie and Yule have just arrived before flying back to London. Yule said that they have only 15 minutes to spare for eating. Josie suggested that they could extend their stay for another 30 minutes and get to the airport on time since she called her mom and agreed to have lunch with the family. Actually, Josie knew that her mother will cook a few extra dishes just for them and she felt sorry.

The table is set but many are busy finishing a game. I sat in the middle of the table to serve the asparagus soup in order for the people in a hurry to get something to eat.

In the meanwhile, I am hearing the father of Josie saying: Connor and Heine will sit by me. Connor and Heine are not here and probably might not show up or Connor  agreeing to sit by his father: I cannot recall Connor , Virgil eldest son, getting a seat by his father Virgil.

I am busy serving soup around and Virgil is repeating himself ad nausea: Connor and Heine  will sit by me, like a retarded kid demonstrating his enthusiasm. You should move your seating a little further. And I am asking my guests to skew a little to make room for another chair. Apparently, the formal chairs are too big for the extra space we managed to arrange for another formal chair.

It didn’t dawn on me first why Virgil was insisting so much. Connor and Heine finally got engaged last night at Heine’s parents. They have been living together for the last 10 years and once I overheard Bill saying that they were married, though not officially.

As if Virgil didn’t marry two of his daughters and his youngest son got engaged a few months ago.

Maybe I should have told Virgil: “Ok. I’m hearing you. I’m just waiting for Connor to show up…” . Anyway, he is very hard of hearing and it is Not a sure matter that he would have heard me.

And suddenly I hear Virgil uttering: “In my House, I seat people around the table”.

Virgil is my brother-in-law and has 6 offspring. He lives on the third floor and I am living with my elderly and ailing parents on the first. He is a retired army officer and was accustomed to giving order and expect obedience.

My blood made a turn and I got out of the table and cursed him and his house and said: “Damned me if I ever eat with you again”. And I stormed out of the flat.

Actually, this flat is my father’s and Virgil got it in his name in order to secure a mortgage on the flat for his shaky faltering business.

On many occasions I stormed out without saying a word as Virgil made it his habit to target me. This time around, and after dad passed away a week ago, it was an instant gratification for venting my pent up anger.  It was becoming too much for me to silently bare all these bullshits.

Virgil is a typical humourless man, tight assed guy, very much on customs and traditions and not very updated on world events. He barely read and feels pretty unhappy when he sees me reading, writing and publishing on the net.

Most of his talks are repeats and very much known opinions and nothing new can ever come from his lips. And I was his favourite scapegoat target for long time since he got in terrible financial handicap and badly needed a smokescreen for his distressed mental state.

At least, Virgil got it firmly in his mind to save me from his opinions and suggestions: I badly want a relationship that is new, funny and different.


Is it your Wedding Night? What do you think will take place?

According To Married People

Expectations for the wedding night are high. The goal is to have the best sex of your life in the swankiest hotel room you’ve ever stayed in.

All the while managing to keep your eyes open after an exceedingly exhausting day.

But that’s not always how things pan out. Below are 21 first-person accounts of how newlyweds actually spent their very first night as husband and wife, according to Redditors and HuffPost readers.

1. “Having not eaten all day due to stress and nerves, we realized we were STARVING, and ordered Chinese food from the only place open at 4 a.m.

We had more sex while waiting for food, then gorged ourselves on delicious Chinese food and fell asleep watching ‘Wayne’s World.’ It was actually awesome.”

via Giphy

2. “She sat on the floor in front of me. We watched TV while I took the 6,000 hairpins out of her hair. It was a horrible game of pick-up sticks as they were all intertwined. After that we crashed.”

3. “We slept in separate beds! #HotelBookingError!”

4. “We were married at the courthouse by the justice of the peace. We went and had lunch afterwards, a beer, then picked up our 2-year-old and went home.

No fancy wedding, dress, or trip, but I married my best friend and that alone made it the best day of my life.”

5. “It was chaste. My in-laws got us a hotel room for the night in a cutesy inn. The room was directly above theirs.”

6. “We slept then woke up and ate cake naked in bed.”

via Giphy

7. “We got back to the hotel, I carried her across the threshold, and we began to consummate our vows. Moments after we started, there’s a knock at the door. It’s my mom. She then said we should both come down and visit with the family. Not preferred.”

8. “It was nearly 50 years ago, but it was one of the best days of my life. We got married in the morning and after a short reception, we drove to a hotel about halfway to where we were stopping for the honeymoon. We were both sexually inexperienced so it was great fun finding out together.”

9. “Our room had this awesome giant shower with at least 15 different heads and sprayers. We talked about how cool it was for like five minutes then went to bed. My clothes didn’t make it to our hotel room so I had to walk-of-shame in my tux the next morning.”

via Tumblr

10. “Sleeping in my husband’s room at his parents’ house after Chick-fil-A for dinner!”

11. “My wife was literally crying because I was taking too long to undo the 800 buttons on the back of her dress that was now hurting her shoulders too much to wear.

Then she cried as I pulled out the 8,000 hairpins. A few strands of hair and 30 minutes later we attempted sex, both decided we were tired, said ‘f**k it,’ and went to bed cuddling. Love that woman.”

12. “We had been drinking for hours. We ran into our room, had a decent quickie, ran out into the hallway where I declared in a loud, drunken whisper, ‘I don’t have panties on,’ while following our friends to an after-party in another hotel room.

Turns out my mom was behind me and howled with laughter, hugged me and told me I was the perfect daughter. Then she handed me a bottle of whiskey and sent me off with my husband to brew a wicked hangover.”

via Giphy

13. “We eloped without telling anyone and got married in the basement of the courthouse in Harrison, Arkansas. Went home, wife went to her overnight job while I laid on the couch and watched TV.”

14. “We had our hotel room the day before the wedding. Got to the church, did our thing, had a blast at the reception. We leave the reception, my bride tells me her period started at the church. We walked around our favorite store and bought a new board game. We played Monopoly and watched TV on the most comfortable bed we had ever slept on.”

15. “We were exhausted and got to our hotel pretty late. My wife dressed up in some sexy lingerie she got as a gift and we proceeded to crawl into bed. We ate wedding food leftovers packed up for us and had a bottle of champagne and chocolate strawberries while our dog snuggled with us and begged for scraps. It was perfect.”

16. “No sex. Only sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep.”


17. “I was eight-months pregnant when we got married. I fell asleep around 10 p.m. and my husband stayed up watching TV. I expected him to come in after a few hours so we could consummate our marriage. Nope. I woke up around 2:30 a.m. and he was still watching TV. I couldn’t fall back asleep and so I leaned over to grab my iPad to read and that’s when my water broke. Seven hours later we had our son.”

18. “You know how the back of a shampoo bottle says ‘lather, rinse, repeat’? Well it was the adult version of that in our awesome hotel room with a late checkout to catch up on the sleeping part.”

19. “My husband and I were both exhausted, so we crawled into our fancy hotel room bed. About an hour after going to bed, I woke up vomiting and with horrible diarrhea. Something I ate hadn’t settled well. My husband held my hair back as I vomited, only reinforcing the reasons I married him in the first place.”

via Giphy

20. “We had a snow-themed wedding, complete with the guests throwing fake snow at us when we left the reception. It was EVERYWHERE. I couldn’t get it out of my crevices, including ‘down there,’ and I had to take three showers to get it off of me. We also had to call housekeeping to bring us another set of sheets, because it was like sleeping on sand.

21. “We had to stop at the drugstore to buy condoms. I was still in my wedding dress.”

*Some responses have been edited and condensed.





January 2015

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