Adonis Diaries

Archive for December 6th, 2016

 

How to Talk to Little Girls

by Latina Fatale on 07/21/2011 ·

in Motherhood, Parenting

Content
I went to a dinner party at a friend’s home last weekend, and met her five-year-old daughter for the first time.

Little Maya was all curly brown hair, doe-like dark eyes, and adorable in her shiny pink nightgown. I wanted to squeal, “Maya, you’re so cute! Look at you! Turn around and model that pretty ruffled gown, you gorgeous thing!”

But I didn’t. I squelched myself.

As I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are.

What’s wrong with that?

It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it? And why not give them a sincere compliment to boost their self-esteem?

Because they are so darling I just want to burst when I meet them, honestly.

Hold that thought for just a moment.

This week ABC news reported that nearly half of all 3 to-6 year-old girls worry about being fat.

In my book, Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World, I reveal that 16 to 18% of girls under twelve now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly; eating disorders are up and self-esteem is down; and 25% of young American women would rather win America’s next top model than the Nobel Peace Prize.

Even bright, successful college women say they’d rather be hot than smart. A Miami mom just died from cosmetic surgery, leaving behind two teenagers. This keeps happening, and it breaks my heart.

Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything.

It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23.

As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What’s missing?

A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments.

That’s why I force myself to talk to little girls as follows.

“Maya,” I said, crouching down at her level, looking into her eyes, “very nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too,” she said, in that trained, polite, talking-to-adults good girl voice.

“Hey, what are you reading?” I asked, a twinkle in my eyes. I love books. I’m nuts for them. I let that show.

Her eyes got bigger, and the practiced, polite facial expression gave way to genuine excitement over this topic. She paused, though, a little shy of me, a stranger.

“I LOVE books,” I said. “Do you?”

Most kids do.

“YES,” she said. “And I can read them all by myself now!”

“Wow, amazing!” I said. And it is, for a five year old. You go on with your bad self, Maya.

“What’s your favorite book?” I asked.

“I’ll go get it! Can I read it to you?”

Purplicious was Maya’s pick and a new one to me, as Maya snuggled next to me on the sofa and proudly read aloud every word, about our heroine who loves pink but is tormented by a group of girls at school who only wear black.

Alas, it was about girls and what they wore, and how their wardrobe choices defined their identities.

But after Maya closed the final page, I steered the conversation to the deeper issues in the book: mean girls and peer pressure and not going along with the group.

I told her my favorite color in the world is green, because I love nature, and she was down with that.

Not once did we discuss clothes or hair or bodies or who was pretty. It’s surprising how hard it is to stay away from those topics with little girls, but I’m stubborn.

I told her that I’d just written a book, and that I hoped she’d write one too one day. She was fairly psyched about that idea.

We were both sad when Maya had to go to bed, but I told her next time to choose another book and we’d read it and talk about it.

Oops. That got her too amped up to sleep, and she came down from her bedroom a few times, all jazzed up.

So, one tiny bit of opposition to a culture that sends all the wrong messages to our girls. One tiny nudge towards valuing female brains.

One brief moment of intentional role modeling. Will my few minutes with Maya change our multibillion dollar beauty industry, reality shows that demean women, our celebrity-manic culture? No. But I did change Maya’s perspective for at least that evening.

Try this the next time you meet a little girl. She may be surprised and unsure at first, because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it.

Ask her what she’s reading. What does she like and dislike, and why?

There are no wrong answers. You’re just generating an intelligent conversation that respects her brain.

For older girls, ask her about current events issues: pollution, wars, school budgets slashed. What bothers her out there in the world? How would she fix it if she had a magic wand?

You may get some intriguing answers. Tell her about your ideas and accomplishments and your favorite books. Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.

And let me know the response you get at http://www.Twitter.com/lisabloom.

Here’s to changing the world, one little girl at a time.

Reprinted with permission.

© 2011 Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk For Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed-Down World

Author Bio
Lisa Bloom, author of Think: Straight Talk for Women to Stay Smart in a Dumbed Down World, is an award-winning journalist, legal analyst, trial attorney, and the daughter of renowned women’s rights attorney, Gloria Allred.

A daily fixture on American television for the last decade, Bloom is currently the CBS News legal analyst, appearing frequently on The Early Show and CBS Evening News with Katie Couric, as well as the legal analyst for The Dr. Phil Show.

Bloom appears regularly on CNN and HLN prime time shows such as Issues With Jane Velez-Mitchell, The Joy Behar Show, Anderson Cooper 360, and The Situation Room. She has been featured on Oprah, Nightline, Today, Good Morning America, Rachael Ray, and many more, and she was a nightly panelist on The Insider throughout 2010.

From 2001-2009, Bloom hosted her own daily, live, national show on Court TV, and she has guest-hosted Larry King Live, The Early Show, and Showbiz Tonight.

Bloom has written numerous popular and scholarly articles for the Los Angeles Times, Family Circle, the National Law Journal, CNN.com, the Daily Beast, and many more. She has also been profiled, featured, and quoted in hundreds of publications, including the New York Times, the Washington Post, Elle, Ladies’ Home Journal, and Variety.

Bloom graduated early and Phi Beta Kappa from UCLA, where she was national college debate champion, and then from the Yale Law School, where she won the moot court competition. She currently lives in Los Angeles where she runs her law firm, The Bloom Firm. TheWrap.com recently named Bloom one of the top five celebrity attorneys in Los Angeles.

An Alternative Perspective:
How to Raise Little Girls Who Love Their Looks
Femimommy Blog

Counting on you: Tell me if my jokes have tacit issues

It is frustrating for me to describe abstract emotions and moral issues. I feel ridiculous talking seriously on issues that I didn’t experience or are forgotten or can’t recall.

I need to be told personal experiences from others in order to recall or have a handle on what is being asked of me.

This conversation is a fiction, a daydream conversation with myself

She: I don’t know when you’re joking and when you’re serious.

He: As if I know. I’m counting on you.

She: come again, how?

He: When you laugh, it’s probably a joke. When you frown, you ferreted out a serious issue.

She: And you’ll be ready to discuss the issues?

He: No. Maybe your issues. Though it would be useful to know how you discovered and interpreted my supposed issues.

She: So you discuss My lame issues and Not yours.

He: correct. I figured out if we start with mine, you’ll quickly add so many on the list that the backlog will be too traumatic to work on any of them issues.

She: Will make a short priority list.

He: I beg to disagree. I find it more productive to select the easier and more feasible ones.

She: And why you jumped to the conclusion that my priority list is of the heavy guns?

He: We start with the simple ones and surreptitiously you gradually move the hardest to the forefront. I like to leave the hard issues to my next life. Or when age give me an excellent excuse to retire from life difficulties.

She: You certainly love your comfort and won’t take any risks to confront this nasty living of yours.

He: My comfort is to leave me with enough energy to tackles your issues.

She: You jumped to the conclusion that mine are harder than yours.

He: Just untangling your white lies from the darker ones is a full-time job. I’m Not trained for such investigative job of sorting out your ambiguous talks.

She: Not trained? And what you guys have always been doing? Legifering in our name?…

Out of subject matter

Waterboarding? Not useful. A few silly quotes of Gen. James Mattis

Waterboarding? ‘I’ve always found, give me a pack of cigarettes and a couple of beers and I do better with that than I do with torture.’

Here’s a sampling of Mattis’ quotes:

1. ‘It’s quite fun to shoot them, you know. It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people.’

In 2005, he offered this commentary on war: “You go into Afghanistan, you got guys who slap women around for five years because they didn’t wear a veil. You know, guys like that ain’t got no manhood left anyway. So it’s a hell of a lot of fun to shoot them.”

He continued: “Actually it’s quite fun to fight them, you know. It’s a hell of a hoot. It’s fun to shoot some people. I’ll be right up there with you. I like brawling.”

At the time, after the remarks made some waves, Marine commandant Gen. Michael Hagee noted that Mattis “often speaks with a great deal of candor.”

2. ‘There are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.’

Speaking to some 200 Marines, Mattis had this advice, according to longtime reporter Thomas Ricks: “The first time you blow someone away is not an insignificant event. That said, there are some assholes in the world that just need to be shot.”

Mattis elaborated, “There are hunters and there are victims. By your discipline, cunning, obedience and alertness, you will decide if you are a hunter or a victim. It’s really a hell of a lot of fun. You’re gonna have a blast out here!”

And: “I feel sorry for every son of a bitch that doesn’t get to serve with you.”

3. ‘I come in peace. I didn’t bring artillery. But I’m pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I’ll kill you all.’

Mattis remembered offering this message to Iraqi leaders following the invasion, Ricks reported.

4. ‘Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet.’

According to the same report, Mattis advised his Marines in Iraq to stay vigilant. In that vein, he also once said, “There is only one ‘retirement plan’ for terrorists.”

5. ‘There are some people who think you have to hate them in order to shoot them. I don’t think you do.’

“It’s just business,” Mattis said.

6. ‘In a country with millions of people and cars going everywhere, the enemy is going to get a car bomb out there once in awhile.’

Matt was characteristically blunt in a 2007 interview with the San Diego Union-Tribune. “There are going to be good days and bad days. Bottom line,” he concluded.

7. ‘PowerPoint makes us stupid.’

Mattis gets a third of his briefings on the presentation platform, though, The New York Times has reported.

8. ‘I get a lot of credit these days for things I never did.’

For all his proverbial outspokenness, in a 2004 speech at the Naval Academy, Mattis was reportedly modest about his accomplishments.

9. “Engage your brain before you engage your weapon.”

Mattis, a student of counterinsurgency tactics and strategy, sent this advice to his Marine unit only a few hours before they helped kick off the 2003 invasion of Iraq. “While we will move swiftly and aggressively against those who resist, we will treat all others with decency, demonstrating chivalry and soldierly compassion for people who have endured a lifetime under Saddam’s oppression,” he wrote.

9 unforgettable quotes by James Mattis

.cms-textAlign-left{text-align:left;}.cms-textAlign-center{text-align:center;}.cms-textAlign-right{text-align:right;}.cms-magazineStyles-smallCaps{font-variant:small-caps;}.cms-playbookStyle-rubric{color:#b70000;font-weight:bold;font-family:sans-serif;}

James Mattis, the retired Marine Corps general who has been tapped to be Donald Trump’s secretary of defense, is known for his earthy aphorisms — eminently quotable, often controversial observations on everything from the romanticism of war to the secret of personal success (“I don’t lose any sleep at night over the potential for failure. I cannot even spell the word,” he once said.)

Reporters who have followed the arc of the four-star general’s 44-year military career from the sands of Iraq to the halls of the Pentagon have dubbed his many pithy statements “Mattisisms”; his legion of admirers call him either “the Warrior Monk” or “Mad Dog.” One Mattisism — “be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everybody you meet” — even made it into a popular video game.

It turns out that Mattis, whose gruff exterior masks a finely honed intellect, may have influenced the president-elect’s view on waterboarding with something of a Mattisism.

Trump told The New York Times that he was “surprised” when Mattis told him he does not favor the practice.

“He said, ‘I’ve never found it to be useful,’” Trump relayed. “He said, ‘I’ve always found, give me a pack of cigarettes and a couple of beers and I do better with that than I do with torture.’ And I was very impressed by that answer.”


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

December 2016
M T W T F S S
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
262728293031  

Blog Stats

  • 1,398,167 hits

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.adonisbouh@gmail.com

Join 744 other followers

%d bloggers like this: