Adonis Diaries

Power of listening skill: The hearing shadow

Posted on: September 30, 2018

Listening is a skill. Making someone feel heard is a gift.

My dad’s first words when I told him about my new job were, “It’s not very close to home.” I was a fresh college graduate in Missouri. He was back home in Maine and the job was in Pennsylvania.

By Dan Rockwell?

I did the easy thing. I heard words but I didn’t hear meanings.

Pennsylvania didn’t seem closer to him but it seemed closer to me. I resisted his words, observed he was right, and moved with my young family to live in the greater Philadelphia area.

I’m not saying I made a wrong decision. But I didn’t hear what dad meant.

Today, it sounds silly that I heard the words but didn’t hear meanings. I totally missed it. My excuses are youth and enthusiasm.

Now that my own children are out and on their own, I know what he meant. It wasn’t geography. It was relationship.

Words are partial truths. Foolish leaders listen; wise leaders hear. (or it is the way around?)

My dad didn’t say, “I want to stay connected with you.” He didn’t say, “I’ll miss my grandchildren.” He said the easier, less revealing truth.

Most of us say easier, less revealing, less vulnerable truths. We hide our truths in shadows.

You connect more deeply by realizing words are shadows.

Once in a while, dip below the surface and let those around you know you understand their concerns.

The best times to hear are when:

  1. New tensions or stresses arise.
  2. Procedures change.
  3. Business is down.
  4. Achievements are enjoyed.

Listen for and hear:

  1. Frustrations.
  2. Fears.
  3. Hopes.
  4. Aspirations.

Hearing:

  1. Reject the need to give solutions. This may be the hardest thing to do.
  2. Don’t make excuses.
  3. Withhold judgement.
  4. Help them think their own thoughts.

The goal of hearing is making people feel understood. People who feel understood open their hearts to your influence.

How do you listen in ways that make others feel understood?

Note: Listening skills requires many demands to acquire: readiness to accept the talker as a viable person, a level of maturity Not to disregard advice, readiness to be on the lookout for opportunities, respect of people regardless of genders, colors or “race”…

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

September 2018
M T W T F S S
 12
3456789
10111213141516
17181920212223
24252627282930

Blog Stats

  • 1,376,135 hits

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.adonisbouh@gmail.com

Join 720 other followers

%d bloggers like this: