Novice manipulators are obvious.
Skillful manipulators come off as kind and helpful.
Avoid being manipulated by spotting the strategies used by manipulators.
Strategic manipulation:
#1. Pretend you agree when you disagree.
#2. Pretend to help when you intend to harm.
#3. Make self-service look generous.
12 specific manipulations:
- Use questions as resistance. If you don’t want to take on a task, question it to death. Pretend you want to help but you need greater clarity or instruction.
- Feign weakness to avoid undesirable tasks. “I’m not sure how to do that.” After feigning weakness, ask lots of questions.
- Create tension between others to avoid responsibility. Skillful manipulators drive wedges between people. “He doesn’t like you.” “She’s after your job.”
- Question motives to undermine management. “They’re doing this to make their own lives easier.” A questioned motive attacks another’s character and intention.
- Use compassion to gain compliance. Have you been manipulated into doing something because a manipulator spoke softly or expressed hurt feelings? A backstabber might say, “I’m so sorry they took advantage of you.”
- Raise your voice so others will lower theirs. Rebels love to rage to silence opposition.
- Use the compassion of the tenderhearted against them. “Don’t you care for me?”
- Talk about what you plan to do when you’re asked what you’ve done.
- Use aspiration to hold people back. “If you hang in there, the next promotion is yours.”
- Use flattery to hold back others. “You’re so talented I can’t afford to lose you right now.”
- Affirm and then attack suggestions and new ideas quickly so you don’t have to change. “This is a great idea, but…”
- Seek advice from people who confirm your decisions. (Foolish self-manipulation)
What manipulations have you seen?
How might leaders deal with manipulators?
Bonus material:
Simple Sabotage (Book)
10 Ways to Deal with Two-Faced Backstabbers (Leadership Freak)
Adonis Diaries 
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