I tried to kill myself 2 years and a few days ago. There is no nice way to say that.
Today, I am where I need to be.
Two years ago, I was where I needed to be.
I was an insecure, close minded, alone and confused mixed girl with no one to relate to and no value for my life.
Today, I’m here now.
Rooted, driven,confident, joyful, black 
, alive and free.
, alive and free.If you happen to be where I was 2 years ago, remember: great reward often comes from losing everything/everyone you thought you needed and being pushed over a few more times, after you have had enough.
I picked myself back up and I know that it took me 29 years of being phenomenal for me to realize how phenomenal I am.
You will find yourself. Give yourself another chance
How you nurse your wounds after being pushed down determines how those wounds will heal.
My dad always used to say, “We appreciate more when we are required to do some actual work, babygirl, and those logs aren’t gonna haul themselves inside and down the stairs to that wood burner.”
cheers to growth, cheers to hard work and cheers to being alive my friends*
Courtney Wise. June 23 at 11:08 PM
My grandpa to the right passed away at WakeMed due to a failed suicide attempt on grandparent’s Day last year, where me and my dad found him and had to go through a situation I would never wish on anybody.
My grandpa to the left is covid positive with multiple comorbidities, currently fighting for his life at a small hospital. He is not currently intubated, but because of his respiratory status we are leaning more towards having to put him on the vent in order to get him the hell out of that hospital (central harnett).
We are having a hard time trying to get him transferred to another hospital because they will only take him if we intubate and a lot of the beds are supposedly full…
And him being 82 years old and covid positive we wanted intubation to be a last resort.
Due to extreme confusion from the hypoxia, unfamiliar environment, isolation and probably many other factors, they have been giving him MANY sedatives including ones that could affect his respiratory and cardiac status as well as he is still PHYSICALLY restrained now for the second day …
I’ve had to beg for stuff that should’ve been done without me having to ask.
He was off the cardiac monitor in an ICU setting even though he was restrained and on bipap.
The excuse was that “he was pulling it off”…..
I’m sorry, but a PHYSICALLY/MEDICALLY restrained patient cannot pull off a cardiac monitor, so that was completely unacceptable.
Also the fact that he was discharged from my own workplace not once, but twice with how bad he was feeling is absolutely disgusting.
The no visitors policies and inaccurate communication has my mind racing with concerns of being able to ADVOCATE for our elderly population and provide EXCELLENT HOLISTIC care to them!
With all this happening within the last 9 months, I have had a really hard time this week processing things and trying to make decisions.
I love him so much and he has always brought so much joy and happiness to my life. I just want him to feel better
Poy De Lara. April 26
(I re-edited this poem)
Who are the people you’re happy to be with?
Where’s the places you’re most happy to live in?
What are the things that make you happy?
What were the circumstances that made you ecstatic as a child?
What activities and hobbies are fun for you?
Is there something special that you wanna do?
How do you describe your feeling of happiness?
Imagine all your cherished material things are gone
Are you likely to be in despair, be a lonely one?
Where do you find true happiness?
Are you looking at all the wrong places?
Is Happiness a choice, and Not a result as you hear
That you can be happy, up, or down come what may
Happiness has always been with you, you just don’t dare find it inside you
Look around you and count your blessings
True happiness? Can it be but inside your heart?
(I have read that Happiness is a modern notion, invented after the French Revolution)
Do invent your own happiness.
Do your due diligence.
Adonis Diaries 