Adonis Diaries

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Notes and comments on FB and Twitter. Part 21

I feel despondent: Nothing but the good came from mother (88 years), and they made sure to punish her by Not paying her visits, or have any patience to listen to her. She overcame all her pains and suffering to visit everyone of her relatives, whenever she could get a ride. She used to return home upset at the cruelty of those she visited.

And how the Boss can trick the others that he is consistent in his behaviors? If he fails to practice on the limitations that don’t match expectation or perception of the others?

How can the Boss satisfy the approbation of a cohort of conflicting idiosyncrasies?

It is exhausting to take on the role of the Boss. The key difficulty is to remain consistent in his set of attitudes, which he perceive or think that the other members perceive as “Boss’ Behaviors Requirements”

The proposed Boss, he better select a set of attitudes that match his natural upbringing, and keep practicing them to sustain his status (especially talent and fairness)

She is exclusively vegan. He is Not. She cooks for two. He cooks exclusively for himself. And occasionally go out single.

Helicobacter parasite neutralizes the gastric acid: take concentrated broccoli (sulforaphane)

East Aleppo must be liberated before Trump takes power

Congress/Senate pre-empted Trump take over by eliminating any excuse to renegotiate Iran Nuclear deal and antagonizing Europe: They extended for another 10 years the sanctions 

Obama cowed to Hillary’s pressures: sending 4,000 boots to Middle East. What for again? To make it harder on Trump’s rapprochement with Russia?

Les lois sur la “purete”des femmes sont apocryphes: ceux qui sont ecrites sont des interpretations mesquines et politiques

Jack London was the first ecologically minded person in running his farm (no fertilizers) and even his pigs were sheltered in stone houses (Pig Castle). He was the first who began producing long movies, 7 of them, before Hollywood existed.

If you want to transplant my brain, go ahead. Don’t blame me if you think your shitty brain is worse than mine.

In the last 15 years, I’m the only person who frequently patronized this library, to sit and read, and share what I read and review books. There is no appreciation of who should be treated as VIP

I have this strong impression that she opens the library when acquaintances or friends call her up for “sob7iyyeh wa dardasheh”.

I was eating a loaf of bread (baguette) while walking. A young woman approached me for money to buy milk. I asked her if she like to share some of my bread. She vehemently replied: No. No. Question: If you are Not willing to share my bread, why should I be incited to share the little cash I carry?

Frequent occurences: Homeless demands more cash than what you handed him. What? I didn’t read on a board hanging from his neck the minimum he is willing to accept

Crois-tu qu’on entretienne cette maisonée par magie? Non, Par des gens. Une communauté entiére

I’m reproducing what others have written, in my own style. Occasionally, I alter ideas, to transmit my reality 

Ce que les gens ne veulent pas se souvenir: la mortalité, un Coeur brisé, l’ignorance, la folie… Tout ce qui ne s’accroche pas aux mesures du temps

Notes and comments on FB and Twitter. Part 20

All human-made calamities are consequences of most of us claiming to know more than the others’, of what is right and what is wrong. We transcend our ignorance, our flawed sense of pride, our deep intelligence of our limitations and capabilities in order to fool the others’

A woman crossed the line and planted herself in front of me. I said: was I Not first? She said: So what? I’m in a hurry. I said: My right is more in a hurry to become the rule of the game

It pays to keep transparent accounting and fair mentality in every institution. A little effort can go a long way.

Wars on drugs and terror brought in more of them. Let’s have an open war on jobs and money for a change.

Si l’espoir est dangereux, c’est que vous ne voulez plus considerer les choix qui demandent de l’effort.

Si l’espoir vaut mieux que rien, c’est que vous refusez de chercher de mieux.

So he got upset and quit the game. All the players left, sheep-file, through the gate

It was a good 3-month ride (moushwaar). An opportunity to communicate and observe my town people, closely and personally, on the game field.

He said that he taught him the game. Does he need someone to tell him the necessity to confront tyranny?

Karma? Is that a bad connotation? Then Karma my ass: find me a good one

A nation is this myth that children are taught to covet in their imagined recollections.

I may admit a boss to my team: Someone who never missed a game. And showed up on time

I dressed my religion and traditions then removed it as I sailed off the shores. I didn’t stuff them back, my religion and my traditions, when I came back. The fool of his community

Plus le rivage est desert et plus je sais comment le remplir, de mes réves et des non-humains, ceux qui sont morts avant moi.

Je n’ai pas ete vaincu loyalement:  c’est la petitesse des gens qui projette ce reflet

On ne se rend jamais compte qu’on est vaincu, si on confront la vie avec acharnement

Most probably, in less than a century, all those prefabricated states along the eastern shore of the Mediterranean Sea (Lebanon, Palestine, Syria, Jordan)  that constitute the Syrian Nation, will become an arid land. This fact will Not obliterate the fact that it was the hotbed of civilizations

Il n’y aurait jamais de victoires individuelles, que dans l’imagination des gens vains jusqu’aux os.

Vocation d’insoumi, contre 1) le dieu de la betise des abstractions acceptées comme vrai, 2) le dieu des verities absolues qui torture et opprime 3) le dieu de la petitesse, des prejudges, des mepris… l’organisateur des lynchages et des persecutions.

Les fideles esperent qu’il suffira au saint d’etre parmi eux pour qu’il soit frappé a leur place

Les mechants sans doute compris quelque chose que les bons gens ignorent encore (pas de vice versa dans ce cas)

Le premier devoir d’un monument aux Morts, c’est d’etre vivant. Francois Hollande se croit immortel ces derniers temps

I apologize to the authors of novels: I read the cover, the first and the last chapter

If you want me to flip to the middle of the novel, leave an extra piece of mystery floating and hovering around in the last chapter

Tout est permis quand tout est possible? East- ce la raison que les états créent des lois contraignantes?

Elderly people to die in indignity: the slowest of death invented by health care systems

A friend confided in me. He talked for an hour and his story almost matched mine.

The story of parents dying the slow death, in daily and constant pains, bed-ridden and no outside aid coming to the rescue of hapless family members

“My father is 89 and my mother is 86.

My father health has been deteriorating fast in the last couple of years. What started as a pneumonia, Not taken care of immediately, degenerated in a bed-ridden body living on external oxygen machine 24/24, in a country with no steady electricity. Actually, it was my dad refusing to go to the hospital until he felt totally helpless.

In this winter season, he barely uses the walker for his morning shit. By noon, he rather not get up from bed, on the ground that he feels too weak and too cold to step out of his cozy bed. (We lacked central heat because we couldn’t afford the cost of mazout)

Mother is in a worse case in matter of aches and pains, but she is functional and make sure that she washes father in the morning and bring him food in bed. Not to mention changing the bed sheets every morning and all dad’s wet cloths.

The problem for mother is that father insists on not leaving his bed after lunch on account that he feels too cold and out of power to walk to the close-by toilet for his frequent pissing sessions. And we wrap him with pampers till morning.

Mother has this daunting task of changing father every morning and doing at least 2 washes for the wet bed and father’s cloths, every morning, and she suffers from back pain, arthritis, and you name it. And dad plays the child game for constant attention and waking up mother at night for no valid reasons.

Mother considers that putting in 8 straight hours of work in the morning, without any break to rest, her daily job. And everyone in the household must share with her non-stop chores. Even when she feels sick and unable to work, until she faints and drops.

Occasionally, mother sleeps in the sitting room because father makes it a point to wake her up frequently, just out of boredom and restlessness.  Eventually, she returns to sleep in the bedroom, out of compassion and duty.

Father has had no jobs for the last 40 years. What he did when he could drive was give ride to his 6 grandchildren to school and bring them back home, and doing a few gardening…

And he was a heavy smoker since he was 14 of age, mainly smoking in the sitting room, and polluting this room, while enjoying a few glasses of whisky.

Until he started to fall down after finishing drinking. He had to quit drinking, but resumed smoking, out of total boredom and dense worries from the fast dwindling of pecuniary resources.

No government facilities to rescue the elderly people, not even in health insurance, or a small remittance every month... The elderly people are in the care of the children, relatives… supposedly in the care of the community that no longer exists.

Dad has plenty of time now to dream of the time he was still able, but I guess he can focus on how to stay alive: He keeps touching the Saint icons.  For a soft departure or for exhausting mother to death?

Do you think his deep wish is to see mother passing away before he does? A senile revenge of people who revert to childhood?

Funny, every now and then father creates a tantrum to remind mother that he is the head of the family and that what he wishes must be obeyed, and bangs his walker to confirm his statement: “I want you to wrap me up now (7afdineh) for the remainder of the day and night” and this tragic bout of energy surges at the time mother is taking a short nap from a back ache.

And when mother tells him: “I am tired. wait till I rest…” father responds: “You do it now or I’ll piss in bed...”  These kinds of reactions…

He goes: “Ya wallao? are you sleeping? Get up now…”

He does not exhibit all his pent up anger and desperation when I am around: He knows that my reactions can be worse than his, and we do have the same bad genes

I aided mother in cleaning and wrapping up dad when I was around, and dad abstained from harassing mother when he knew I was there. It was a 24/24 job for me and mother to keep dad contended, and he wanted to eat at his routine schedule, Not a minute later, and he ate well and voraciously.

Most of the time  I had to wake up several times at night in order to go down and switch the electrical interrupter from public to private provider (and vice versa) because we could not afford an automatic interrupter that required a higher amperage. And the oxygen machine was run on electricity and dad would shout when he sensed that the machine had stopped.

A year before he passed away, he opted to be totally bed-ridden, kind of despaired for any recovery.

At least father managed to construct a building of 3 floors, one for each one of his children who all graduated from universities and are married with children. Except one child: I never married and have no children that I know of. And I now live with my elderly parents for the last 14 years.

I don’t recall ever having a chat with dad, and now he is almost deaf and he refuses to babble. And mother’s chatting are of the most boring and regurgitates the same worries that I cannot help with and suggestions that are too late to reverse and act upon.

Mother never cared to handle money in her life and never wrote a check.

Currently, she has to handle the few cash that she receives every now and then from her children and relative and make sure that she can buy her medicine, father’s couches, the gas canisters for cooking, bread and biscuits for dad… Nothing fancy at all.

And she declines invitations because she will have to bring a gift as custom demands, and she has to cook a few sweet dishes for the occasions… and keeps cleaning the house in the event anyone remembers suddenly to pay her visit…

I wish the visits are not set in advance by “appointment”: Mother will start cleaning and cooking a week in advance of the visit, and ends up working overtime. And I was the only one to help her with all the cleaning tasks.

I aid mother in most of her chores: assistant cook, washing dishes, vacuuming, lifting “heavy” stuff that she can no longer perform, changing bed sheets, gardening, gathering vegetables and fruits, tending to the few chickens that I don’t want in the house, going on errands…

I find time to read, write, post articles on my blog, watch documentaries and non-violent good movies on cables after every one in the household is supposed to be sleeping…

Tell me. Am I talking abstract so far?

My dad suffered a mild stroke at night: he must have knew it but we didn’t. We forced him to go to the hospital, but he kept saying: I want to die at home.

In the hospital, 2 days before Christmas, dad did such a tantrum for 2 days and a night and harassed all the nurses and mother that they had to send him home.

After lunch on Christmas Eve he passed away while mother was taking her nap. My nephew checked on him and he told me that dad must have died. I approached a looking glass to check on his breathing because he was in a serene state with eyes opened.

Apparently, he wanted to ruin our celebration, or maybe send the message that he is no longer willing to ruin our lives.

Mother is Not in any good shape because of all kinds of pains and aches to the stomach, back, neck, hands, and you name it.

I took her to the hospital for a check up on a pain to her side that lingered for 2 days and kept her awake. Two days later, mother was home with no major relief: a small cyst in her abdomen and maybe a mild thyroid deficiency.

There was nothing that can be done to elderly people, much less performing any kinds of surgeries that are Not urgent.

Two years now and mother is still suffering, especially during the cold season and lack of hot water.

She insists on waking up and working in the kitchen for a couple of hours until she barely reach the sofa and don’t move for the day and watch TV.

Frequently she keeps working and trying to keep boredom at bay until all kinds of acute pains force her to the sofa.

She barely can hear, and all she wants is someone to visit her to listen to her. But practically nobody visits her or has the patience to talk to her or listen to her.

Mother is a rock and still functional. Her worst nightmare is to feel dependent on her daily chores.

Such a big difference between mother’s resilience and dad’s attitude to pain.

My worst nightmare is, if I have to survive as long as my parents, “How am I to spend the next 24 years, if no haphazard calamity suddenly ends my life?”

 

 

Notes and comments on FB and Twitter. Part 19

Born Free? Learn to retain your freedom and how to go about it?

Comment font-ils pour avilir les ames et leurs esprits de ces nouveaux recruts qui n’ont pas experimentes le meurtre?

They had good intentions: They could no longer vote laws that smacked of socialism. They liked to be re-elected by the elite classes

Large families are mostly the prerogative of the poorer classes. Public schools must have public dwelling attached to them.

If you want to learn to be concise: Try Tweeter

The Duke is Not in doing business: You pay $1,000 to meet with him.

You read enough of what your precious time allowed you. Did You read the title and the summary cover?

Obama was awarded Peace Nobel for his “good intentions to peace”. Wars are worse after 8 years. Time to revert to facts on the ground. Not likely to do same mistake with Donald Trump

On regurgite ce qu’on a retenu de notre enfance, et on y tricotte des histoires malsains, qui n’ont rien a voir avec notre enfance de brute et mal elevée. Est-ce ca devenir adulte? Toutes ces guerres et violence

C’est la parole ecrite ou oralement repetée qui ne doit jamais mourir. Le papier peut deperire si le contenu en vaut la peine de le re-copier, en appliquant un esprit nouveau.

L’immigrant: “J’en ai assez qu’on me dise que je ne suis pas digne, que peut etre je comprendrais plus tard. La plupart des citoyens ne comprennent pas grand chose, et poutant, on ne leur dit pas qu’ils ne sont pas dignes”

We all get upset, angry and we shout. So what? Getting upset and quitting is a generalized flawed sense of pride.

All human-made calamities are consequences of most of us claiming to know more than the others’, of what is right and what is wrong. We transcend our ignorance, our flawed sense of pride, our deep intelligence of our limitations and capabilities in order to fool the others’

A woman crossed the line and planted herself in front of me. I said: was I Not first? She said: So what? I’m in a hurry. I said: My right is more in a hurry to become the rule of the game

It pays to keep transparent accounting and fair mentality in every institution. A little effort can go a long way.

Wars on drugs and terror brought in more of them. Let’s have an open war on jobs and money for a change.

Notes and comments on FB and Twitter. Part 18

More bitter than security is who is let to inherit fear.

Tout ce que voit l’homme, il le prend pour un jouet. On ne devient jamais un sage adulte.

The religious clerics are frank in saying: Give to Caesar what is to Caesar: They always shared power with oligarchies.

Religious clerics are hypocrite when they refuse to give “what is to God to the people”.  They act the banks: dipping in the pockets of governments and people

Blaming others for failing to shoulder responsibilities is common. Resuming your lecture on moral and good behavior is ridiculous

Work on reforming yourself. You’ll repeat mistakes, but Frequent turns Occasional

Are you angry with me? Take all your time to reconcile with yourself

You cry the most on a wish that came true (Truman Capote)

In Cold Blood? It was in the hottest of blood. And Capote tiled his book before hearing what happened in the killings.  He became filthy rich and the book of the decade.

The man looked Perry in the eyes. Perry noticed that the man pitied his upbringing. The eyes of the man was sharing the same trauma he went through in childhood. The hot blood in Perry made a turn and slaughtered this man and then shot the wife and daughter.

Capote might have shared the same house with Perry’s same upbringing.  Perry slipped away from the back door, Truman opted for the front door.

Don’t get carried away with retouche: You apologize once and the trend is a lifetime of apologies. Apology is at best skin-deep: the tenuous emotions in this particular instance are Not solved by an apology.

I believe in the will. Two kinds of will: 1) for survival and 2) an idea for action in gestation.

An idea waiting for the proper conditions and levels of energy and excitement to change the situation.  The same is valid for a people to perform reforms.

“L’Elegance du Herisson”. by Muriel Barbery. An excellent book

“Miniaturiste” by Jessie Burton. Great book on puritanical Netherlands of 17th century

Ce sont les Jihadistes experimentés qui se cache et que les obus deciment.

He meant to pray for specific demands. He realized he was asking for stronger willpower,

Without stronger willpower, how can your specific wishes come to term?

Pity the proud: his internal sufferings are huge. And his ignorance of himself worse than you expected

Les tribus barbares massacraient pour une journés. Comment Daesh a put maintenir ses exactions aussi longtemps?

Notes and comments on FB and Twitter. Part 17

I don’t mind a broken day-dream. Just badly need to recollect any dream I ever had

Defeat is Not in the realm of many: Got to act on your beliefs to earn this opportunity: to dance hysterically.

They stole the 10 commandments, and erased the 11th: You were born Free.

Don’t fret too much: it is common events that changed the direction of your destiny

Even very sad circumstances were prepared as a feast

Love is what happened between us, except literature. Such a large vacuum could have been the best part in our relationship.

Recounting your recollected past events and stands is what precipitate our demise. People don’t care how you changed: They never changed.

That women had no rights to vote or have a bank accounts in the last century didn’t prevent males to think that women deserved more consideration, and vice versa. Currently, women have most of the rights, work and go to universities, but the level of “consideration” has shifted direction

“Consideration” is a perception of the others’ mental state: A certified certification of your learning is one of the Minor factors

You were born Free? Take active positions and respect others’ opinions to retain your freedom

“You are courageous?” Does that mean you are as hard as nails? This is a quality that rare people dare to admit they have.

To all Lebanese living in Lebanon, including the wealthy and leaders, Are you addicted to slow death and proud of it?

Just creating this lame excuse of going abroad to earn another certificate or MBA: If you are Not used to read a lot, you are wasting your parents’ dear money for a short outing

Amine Rihani said it concisely: England was the land for the foreign intellectuals persecuted in their countries. They could publish anything they want totally freely. However, the British intellectual was sanctioned if his writings didn’t match the establishment views on traditions.

More bitter than security is who is let to inherit fear.

Tout ce que voit l’homme, il le prend pour un jouet. On ne devient jamais un sage adulte.

East Aleppo must fall quickly: The Hezbollah fighters want a great reason to withdraw to the eastern Lebanon mountain chain to clean our borders from Daesh and Al Nusra

East Aleppo must be retaken quickly and the Syrian army enters Al Baab: Erdogan plans to dominate northern Syrian territory must be checked.

Any religious sect demanding that the ratio of soldiers and officers be commensurate to its size is to tacitly admit that its moral and spiritual forces are waning. It wants an alternative force to retain its domination. This ratio suggestion is Not adapted to keep the community united.

In 1902, 114 years ago, Amin Rihani replied to the reforms of the new Ottoman Moutassarref to Mount Lebanon, Mozaffar Pasha. Rihani’s set of reforms priority was:

1) Establish public educational institutions. The religious clerics Must be forbidden to run or teach in these public schools.

2) Religious clerics must be denied interventions in any civic decisions or civic laws.

3) Public employees must submit to exams and be selected according to their capabilities.

4) Confiscate religious real estates and pay back the private owners who donated their lands.

Notes and comments on FB and Twitter. Part 16

Our childhood space is a deserted heaven, a temple where our tiny angels and early heroes hover inside. And we love to walk these haunted lands and keep returning to our child model of the world. The worst of existence, the homeless in the heart, is when you cannot claim a single childhood space, didn’t roam enough in a special place

Point d’articulation en prononcant les consonnes: Aerienne (a), Labiale (b), palatale (dental t), alveolaire (interdentale th), cacuminale (j), guttural kh), Linguale (pestdentale r), laterale (dha), uvulaire (kaaf)

It is no longer a matter of Angry While Males in the USA. It is a total lack of confidence in this political system and opaque public institutions. Institutions controlled and run by deep pockets, from health care, education, judicial system and uncontrolled military budget that has turned a deep sink in appropriation and No accountability.

Hillary was the last shot to salvage the US political image compared to Europe in social equitability.

Not sure how Trump is going to convince the people that he means to change the political system in the US and how he is to begin with in the first 100 days. Hopefully he is Not to deal with the immigrants at this stage and tackle the institutions and policies that are the main sources for the US astronomical deficit.

I get bored reading the myths in the “Holy Books“. Would prefer hearing the stories from the sources: Those funny story tellers, with great humor and a wink in their eyes

Hippolyte married Aricie: he passionately loved Phedre. If Phedre admitted that this passion was reciprocated, she would have relaxed and led a happier life.

The US lost an expert and hard working leader and politicians to put her stamp on a reformed rotten political system: She should have told the citizens that she heard their anger at the opaque public institutions and had plans, with her reformist teams, to simplify and render the institutions transparent. The US lost a golden opportunity for any significant reflected reforms.

Someone has to remind Turkey Erdogan that spreading ancient influences by military means is typical of short-term illusions

Erdogan wants to refurbish his ancient illusions, giving wings for the Ottoman empire dreams of still having some influence in the Balkan, the Caucasus, Iraq and Syria

A leader must focus on the 3 essentials: 1. Significantly Reduce violence (physical and in free expressions) 2. Significantly Increase health (physical and mental) 3. Significantly increase the odds for reflective and critical thinking

If you want fair democratic election process then focus on well-being of rural people and simplify and reduce transactions in public institutions 

Many nations forced additional taxes on single males. Reproduction was well below expectations: the youth immigrated and the divorces increased with increased loose behaviour in life-style

I see green. Blue looks green in dim light.

It’s a trend: Those who can read, Don’t like to read. Keep re-editing for those who voted Trump

At the end of the day, people sit in front of TV: Contents must be toward more to knowledge than tacit judgement.

I love you too much, My darling I love you, 2albi elek 3etesh, Il faut que tu l’avoue. wa enn eja 7ada 5ayri, ililo Etech, wa a7ro2 deen abouh, Oumi ta na3mel Match, al3aab 5aramiyya

What if it is the country that killed him? One of them collateral martyrs, who was convinced that Being Non political guaranteed safety?

It is easy to live in a community without bridges to the other side. Once a bridge links communities, it is hard to reconcile differences in cultures

There was a time when people wanted to emulate any demi-God. Any of them worthy gods left?


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

March 2017
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