Adonis Diaries

Archive for the ‘humor’ Category

Science Blogger Reveals She’s Woman,

Shocks Science Bros Everywhere

Doug Barry posted in Jezebel

Science Blogger Reveals She’s Woman, Shocks Science Bros Everywhere

There’s a huge, American-sized gender gap in science. That sucks for a myriad of reasons, mostly because it can lead to male scientists ignoring the contributions of their female colleagues for no good reason.

It can also lead to a Facebook outcry of, “Whuuut? You’re a girl?” when a popular science blogger reveals her identity on Twitter.

That, according to the Guardian, is pretty much the social media reaction that greeted Elise Andrew on Wednesday when the proprietor of the popular Facebook page I Fucking Love Science (which boasts 4.2 million fans, no big deal), tweeted,

I got Twitter! I figured it’s about time I started exploring other social media. If you’re on there, can you Tweet me some science people worth following?

Andrew’s Twitter avatar featured her picture, and the revelation that I Fucking Love Science had been run not by the much-memed Neil DeGrasse Tyson but by a girl elicited an avalanche of mostly stunned comments from science bros marveling about Andrew’s appearance.

These comments ranged from the relatively innocuous —

I’m ashamed to say I assumed you were a man. But I’m neither shocked nor affected in the slightest that you aren’t. Keep on fucking loving science

— to the extremely gross (and considerably less articulate) —

holy hell, youre a HOTTIE!

How flattering, bro.

The Guardian has a more comprehensive list of commentary, things like Lou Forbes’ stunning aesthetic assessment: “you mean you’re a girl, AND you’re beautiful? wow, i just liked science a lil bit more today ^^”

And who could forget Can Durace’s pithily ejaculated astonishment: “F.ck me! This is a babe ?!!”

Right about now would be a good time to indulge in a rant about how science lovers, who should be the most progressive of progressives, really need to wake the fuck up and realize that penises don’t grant their wearers any kind of of special scientific insight.

Note: Many women were behind great scientific discoveries, but the patriarchal society never allowed that their name be mentioned. The works had to be in the name of the husband, father or a brother And Not just in sciences, but in publishing books and work of arts.

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A few of the humorous statements by Egypt Jalal Amer

The network of shaky money dealing in this country is vaster than network of sanitary canalization
In the week, one day testing for working and 6 carbon copies for the next 6 days

30 نكتة للكاتب الصحفي الساخر جلال عامر (أمير الساخرين) – كاتب و صحفي مصرى…:-
1. الأمة التي تفضل التغيير وهي في السرير لن يغيروا لها إلا البامبرز…

2. يتوفى الإنسان مرة واحدة في العمر ويموت عدة مرات يومياً في بلد بدأ بـ اكفل طفلاً ثم اكفل أسرة ثم اكفل قرية وقريباً اكفل وطناً…*

3. المشكلة أن الموكل إليهم حل مشكلة الوطن هم أنفسهم المشكلة…*

4. أثبتت الأيام أن الحرية دون خبز تجعلنا مستعمرة عراة , وأن الخبز دون الحرية يحولنا إلى قفص عصافير…*

5. شبكة الفساد في هذه البلاد ، أكبر من شبكة الصرف الصحي…*

6. الدول المتخلفة تجمع معلومات عن مواطنيها أكثر مما تجمع عن أعدائها .. فأنا واثق أن أجهزة الأمن تعرف خال أم جدي ولا تعرف الإسم الرباعي لنتنياهو…*

7. في العالم العربي فقط ، التأمين على الإنسان اختياري والتأمين على السيارة إجباري…*

8. المستشفى الخاص هو المكان الذي يفقد فيه المواطن نقوده .. والمستشفى العام هو المكان الذي يفقد فيه المواطن حياته…*

9. معظم الهاربين بفلوسنا، كانوا يقيمون لنا موائد الرحمن .. وتبين نحنا اللي كنا نعزمهن…*

10. علينا أن نهتم بالسياحة والصناعة والزراعة واستخراج المعادن حتى نوفر مرتبات الدستوريين…*

11. لأن العرب يؤمنون بالقسمة، وضعتهم أمريكا فى جدول الضرب…*

12. الدول المتقدمة تضع المواطن فوق دماغها والدول التافهة تضع المواطن في دماغها..*

13. في العالم الثالث يمتلك الحاكم حكمة لقمان ويمتلك رجل الأعمال مال قارون ويمتلك الشعب صبر أيوب…*

14. في أمريكا رئيس أبيض ووزيرة خارجيته سوداء ” كونداليزا ” ثم رئيس أسود ووزيرة خارجيته بيضاء ” هيلاري ” .. في العالم العربي دائما رئيس أبيض وأيام سوداء…*

15. كل مسؤول يتولى منصبه يقسم أنه سيسهر على راحة الشعب دون أن يحدد أين سيسهر وإلى أي ساعة ؟…*

16. إذا أردت أن تضيع شعبا أشغله بغياب الأنبوبة وغياب البنزين ثم غيب عقله واخلط السياسة بالإقتصاد بالرياضة بالدين …*

17. كل نصاب يلزمه طماع وكل دجال يلزمه جاهل وكل طاغية يلزمه جبان…*

18. نحن الشعب الوحيد في العالم الذي يبكي قبل ورقة الفيزياء وأثناء ورقة الرياضيات وبعد ورقة الانجليزي فما هو مستقبل شعب يبذل الدم في حوادث المرور والعرق في الملاعب والدموع في الامتحانات…*

19. يتراجع دور الوطن في الخارج ، عندما يتراجع دور المواطن في الداخل ، فالمال في الغربة وطن ، والفقر في الوطن غربة…*

20. اكتشف «كولومبوس» أمريكا ثم اخترعت أمريكا «المعونة» ، فإذا ذهبت إلى الحكومات كانت «مساعدة» و إذا ذهبت إلى المنظمات كانت «تمويلاً»!!!*

21. عظمة دولنا أنها تضع بين أيام الأسبوع السبعة ست أوراق كربون ، فتخرج الأيام متشابهة …*

22. هذه الأيام إذا أردت أن تبرئ متهماً شكِّل له محكمة وإذا أردت أن تخفى الحقيقة شكِّل لها لجنة …*

23. إذا الشعب يوماً أراد الحياة فلابد أن يهاجر فوراً …*

24. اننا شعب مغلوب علي أرضه وبين جماهيره …*

25. ليس أمامى إلا الله سبحانه وتعالى – وهو معنا يقينا في كل حال -أن يحمينى بعد وفاة أبى وأمى والقانون …*

26. الشرطة مهمة مثل الماء و الهواء لكنها مثلهما تحتاج إلى تنقية …*

27. لا تبحث عن النكد .. اطمئن هو يعرف عنوانك …*

28. مجتمع لا يهمه الجائع إلا إذا كان ناخباً ولا يهمه العارى إلا إذا كانت امرأة ….*

29. المضحكات السبع، الاستقرار والتنمية والرخاء والأمن والشفافية والديمقراطية (فاضل واحد لما أفتكره هاتصل بيك)!!!*

30. نحن ديمقراطيون جداً… تبدأ مناقشاتنا بتبادل الآراء فى السياسة والاقتصاد وتنتهى بتبادل الآراء فى الأم والأب…*

Deeper thoughts: A Rich, Full Life In Spite of It

I have some random questions and thoughts today.

If you have time, or anything piques your interest, feel free to answer in the comments section. I’d love to hear from you.

  1. Dear Snack Lady. Dear Snack Lady, Please go to Frisbee throwing school. Thanks, Franks

    Can anyone teach me how to throw a Frisbee? Do you think dogs can be exasperated, because every time I try to throw ours for Frankie to fetch at the park, it flails end over end, and then lands half the distance I intended it to go before awkwardly rolling the last few feet?

  2. Frankie will run half-heatedly after it, aggressively pee on stuff on his way back, and then he gives me the, “You throw like a girl,” look and says with his eyes, “When is the big guy getting home from work?”
  3. I’m reading a book (trying to read a book) that is on the best seller list right now. On page 20, the author actually uses lol in the middle of her dialogue. This occurs three more times in the next 20 pages with two other characters, and now I don’t think I can finish reading it. When did lol become acceptable to say outside of the internet and an AOL chat room?
  4. What is the proper sorting pile for wedding photos from a marriage that is over and produced no children? Keep, Dumpster, or Keep and Hide. I still have the photos from my first wedding. They were insanely expensive, and some of the people who attended that wedding are no longer with us.
  5. There is also a stupid big, nicely framed bridal portrait of me at age 22.  I’ll never look that young and fresh again, but I will also never hang it in my home for obvious reasons, the least of which is lacking the ego I imagine it would take to display such a large photo of oneself. So, what to do with them, what to do?
  6. Where the fuck is Woody’s hat and my daughter’s other pink Croc? Two things that have inexplicably disappeared from my house.
  7. What is this demon allergen that has blown in over the last few days, and when is it going to leave so I can breathe again?
  8. Why would someone name a children’s show Doc McStuffins and expect me not to laugh?
  9. Is shooting nose spray in each nostril, bending over to keep it from running down the back of your throat, then standing up too fast and getting dizzy anything like doing whip-its? Because I think I just did a whip-it. If you’re old enough, you’re singing a Devo song now aren’t you?
  10. Seriously, I’m not sure I can finish this list. I think I’m high.
  11. Do you ever have days where you wish you could still smoke a bowl and listen to music with your skin for a few hours. What soundtrack would you choose? What? No? …never mind. Pretend I never said that.
  12. I recently got my feelings hurt because I wasn’t invited to a baby shower that I didn’t really want to go to. So what’s it like to have a penis? I bet it’s neat.

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Note: Forgot who was the author. If this piece is yours, send me a link.

Sample of Horrible First-World Problems Posted on Twitter, and re-twitted

I was going to write a good introduction to this article, but my fingers hurt from eating too much sushi with chopsticks.

Statements like these are a hallmark of the first-world problems meme, which features the complaints of entitled people complaining about everyday occurrences.

The Middle Class Problems Twitter account has taken to re-tweeting real-life comments from people who have had it up to here with their iPhones, house cleaners and grass-fed organic fair-trade hot dogs.

Their cleaners are late, their massages are all wrong, their bechamel is runny, and they‘re not going to take the injustice anymore.

http://www.boredpanda.com/first-world-problems-twitter/ posted

Some of us love to hate first-world problem memes because they’re an example of the first world’s decadence and sense of entitlement.

Some of us like them because we sometimes find ourselves guilty of complaining about the same inconsequential problems.

Whatever’s the case for you, we’re sure that you will enjoy reading these tweets from people struggling with the difficulties and stresses of first-world life.

Source: @middleclassprob (via Buzzfeed)

Note: I posted an article on the characteristics and privileges of Upper Middle Classes around the world a couple of days ago.

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2018/04/06/who-are-the-upper-middle-classes-the-most-powerful-class-politically-and-financially/

“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.”


Stephen Hawking was hilarious.

2016: On his appearance in a Jaguar ad, Hawking said, “I have always wanted to be in a movie playing the part of a typical British villain.”

“One day there may well be proof of multiple universes… and in that universe, Zayn is still in One Direction.”— Hawking, speaking in hologram form at the Sydney Opera House in 2015.

Among all the monumental achievements of the legendary British theoretical physicist’s life, which ended on March 14 at the age of 76, Stephen was humorous and ironic of the first kind

“Almost as many people know me through The Simpsons as through my science,” he once said. He had cracked some of the fundamental mysteries of the universe and also explaining them in terms that everyone could understand.

Indeed, his impact on pop culture is so vast, it’s practically a universe of its own.

Occasionally, there were jokes on TV that riffed on Hawking’s motorized wheelchair and his distinctive, computerized voice. They missed the point entirely.

The human race is so puny compared to the universe that being disabled is not of much cosmic significance,” he once said.

The Hawking meme that matters is the decades’ worth of popular culture in which he eagerly participated. He was an unabashed fan of Star Trek and The Simpsons, and delighted in playing larger-than-life versions of himself.

It’s hard to imagine where our understanding of the cosmos would be without the work of Hawking—and that goes for the pop-culture cosmos, too.

1999: Hawking and his flying wheelchair save the day on The Simpsons

“My treatment in The Simpsons was always good-humored. I was depicted as a somewhat surreal character with enormous powers,” Hawking said. “I hope I wouldn’t use a boxing glove… though sometimes I’m sorely tempted. But helicopter blades would be very useful.”

How AI helped Hawking communicate


For the last 10 years of his life, Stephen Hawking communicated only by tensing his cheek.

He wore a device on his glasses that monitored whether his cheek was flexed or not, and used the signal as a mouse-click to control his computer. When he first adopted this method, which one of his graduate students introduced in 2008, it was painfully slow and prone to error. It relied on a program called Word+ in which sentences had to be typed letter-by-letter, according to Wired.

Artificial intelligence helped make the system faster.

Frustrated with the speed at which he could communicate, Hawking reached out to Intel, which had in the past provided him with the computers he used to speak. The company sent a team to Hawking, and after years of testing new systems, worked out a solution with smartphone keyboard company SwiftKey, called ACAT (Assistive Context-Aware Toolkit).

The new software’s typing program relied on a machine learning algorithm that had been trained on Hawking’s work; SwiftKey and Intel showed the algorithm the physicist’s past lectures and books to help it predict which words he was about to type.

For instance, when he typed “the,” the word “black” and then “hole” would appear as options. This improved Hawking’s typing speed from his previous one or two words per minute, giving him the ability to speak conversationally.

2012: Hawking becomes the first (and only) funny person to appear on The Big Bang Theory

Note: inspired from an article by Quartz Obsession

“Toutes les lettres d’amour sont ridicules”

Note:  Attached a video in 3 languages, including Portuguese (superbement) par Maria de Medeiros

By Gerard Dappelo, Feb, 15, 2018

Elles ne seraient pas des lettres d’amour si elles n’étaient pas Ridicules.
Moi aussi en mon temps j’ai écrit des lettres d’amour,
Comme les autres Ridicules.
Les lettres d’amour, si amour il y a,
Sont fatalement Ridicules.
Mais, tout bien compté,
Il n’y a guère que ceux qui jamais
N’ont écrit de lettres d’amour Qui sont
Ridicules.
Ah, retrouver le temps où j’écrivais
A mon insu Des lettres d’amour
Ridicules …
La vérité c’est qu’aujourd’hui
Ce sont mes souvenirs
De ces lettres d’amour Qui sont
Ridicules.
(Tous les mots malaisément accentués, (proparoxytoniques*)
Comme les sentiments excessivement singuliers (paroxystiques)
Sont naturellement
Ridicules.)
Álvaro de Campos, in “Poemas” . Hétéronyme de Fernando Pessoa

Sur Internet, il est facile de trouver des modèles tout prêts de lettres d’amour

Naturellement, elles sont ridicules. Parfois très ridicules !
Trois extraits :

En te voyant, mon cœur s’est emballé comme un moteur de course…

  • De t’avoir touché, mes mains tremblent comme des ailes de papillon de nuit dans la brise du soir…
  • Ma respiration est coupée, j’étouffe, je meurs, j’agonise. Un mot de toi et je ressuscite…

De beaux SMS anonymes sur le compte Instagram “Amours solitaires”

  • Si tu savais à quel point je t’aime, tu t’enfuirais
  • Déshabille-toi, j’ai à te parler.

Sur le site http://www.deslettres.fr/ , des lettres d’amour de grands auteurs

Ridicules ? A vous d’en juger.
 
· Benjamin Constant à Anna Lindsay 1800. 
Je vous verrai demain, mais je veux vous écrire. Je veux arrêter ces moments fugitifs qui se termineront par ma perte. Je vous écris d’une main tremblante, respirant à peine et le front couvert de sueur. 
· Camille Claudel à Auguste Rodin 1886
Je suis bien fâchée d’apprendre que vous êtes encore malade. Je suis sûre que vous avez encore fait des excès de nourriture dans vos maudits dîners, avec le maudit monde que je déteste, qui vous prend votre santé et qui ne vous rend rien.
· François Mauriac à Jeanne Lafon 1912
Autrefois, ivre de mes petits succès, dévoré d’orgueil, je vous eusse fait souffrir. Aujourd’hui, blessé par la vie, je me réfugie en vous. Je ne vis que de votre tendresse. Toute autre femme me paraît inexistante. Je vous aime.
· Juliette Drouet à Victor Hugo 1864
Bonjour, petit oiseau, bonjour et merci, porte ce baiser à mon Toto et dis-lui de venir tout de suite me voir et que je l’adore.
· Chateaubriand à Léontine de Villeneuve 1828
Mais si vous vous avisez d’aimer quelqu’un et de l’épouser, ma tête grise se présentera à vous la nuit, comme la tête de Méduse, et je partirai avec tous mes rhumatismes pour vous étrangler.
· Voltaire à Madame Denis 1745
Je vous embrasse mille fois. Mon âme embrasse la vôtre, mon vit et mon cœur sont amoureux de vous. J’embrasse votre gentil cul et votre adorable personne.
Petite Ophélinha,
Comme je ne voudrais pas que vous disiez que je ne vous ai pas écrit, parce que je ne vous ai effectivement pas écrit, je vous écris.
Ce ne sera pas seulement une ligne, comme je vous l’ai promis, mais ce ne seront pas plusieurs non plus.
Je suis malade, en grande partie en raison d’une série de préoccupations et de contrariétés que j’ai eues hier.
Si vous ne voulez pas croire que je suis malade, évidemment vous ne le croirez pas.
Mais je vous prie de ne pas me dire que vous ne me croyez pas.
Il me suffit déjà d’être malade : il n’est pas nécessaire en plus que vous en doutiez ou que vous me demandiez des comptes sur ma santé comme si elle dépendait de ma volonté ou que je sois obligé de rendre des comptes à quelqu’un de quoi que ce soit.
Voilà ce que j’avais à vous dire et, par hasard, c’est la vérité. Adieu, petite Ophélia. Dormez, mangez et ne perdez pas trop de poids.
Et le texte portugais :

Ophelinha pequena:
Como não quero que diga que eu não lhe escrevi, por efectivamente não ter escrito, estou escrevendo. Não será uma linha, como prometi, mas não serão muitas. Estou doente, principalmente por causa da série de preocupações e arrelias que tive ontem. Se não quer acreditar que estou doente, evidentemente não acreditará. Mas peço o favor de me não dizer que não acredita. Bem me basta estar doente; não é preciso ainda vir duvidar disso, ou pedir-me contas da minha saúde como se estivesse na minha vontade, ou eu tivesse obrigação de dar contas a alguém de qualquer coisa.

Ora aí tem, e, por acaso é a verdade. Adeus, Ophelinha. Durma e coma, e não perca gramas.
· George Sand à Alfred Musset: une lettre qui se lit en sautant un vers sur deux… (cette pudeur serait-elle ridicule ?)
Je suis très émue de vous dire que j’ai bien compris l’autre soir que vous aviez toujours une envie folle de me faire danser.
Je garde le souvenir de votre baiser et je voudrais bien que ce soit là une preuve que je puisse être aimée
par vous.
Je suis prête à vous montrer mon affection toute désintéressée et sans calcul, et si vous voulez me voir aussi
vous dévoiler sans artifice mon âme toute nue, venez me faire une visite.
Nous causerons en amis, franchement.
Je vous prouverai que je suis la femme sincère, capable de vous offrir l’affection la plus profonde comme la plus étroite
en amitié, en un mot la meilleure preuve dont vous puissiez rêver, puisque votre âme est libre.
Pensez que la solitude où j’habite est bien longue, bien dure et souvent difficile.
Ainsi en y songeant j’ai l’âme grosse.
Accourrez donc vite et venez me la
faire oublier par l’amour où je veux me mettre.
· François Mitterrand à Anne Pingeot
Je ne vous ai pas dit mon secret:
Je ressemble à un coquillage de façon si troublante
Qu’on me prend pour un coquillage.
On me pousse du pied.
On me jette à la mer.
On me garde dans la poche.
On m’ajoute au décor, sur un rayon de livres.
Bref, on me traite en objet inutile.
Il arrive pourtant qu’un enfant me ramasse, me regarde et m’aime.
Et quand on m’aime,
Apprenez-le à tout hasard,
C’est comme si tous les océans du monde, tous les ciels, tous les
continents se donnaient rendez-vous.
Rendez-vous.
Où ?
J’allais écrire: dans mon cœur. Dans mon cœur ?
Ridicules ces lettres ?…
Mais si elles ne l’étaient pas, cela prouverait, selon Pessoa, que l’amour n’est pas là….
Connaissez-vous cette poésie du poète portugais Fernando Pessoa ? En portugais “Todas as cartas de amor são ridículas”

Dans cette vidéo, la voici dite en trois langues (superbement) par Maria de Medeiros

En portugais :

Todas as cartas de amor são

Ridículas.

Não seriam cartas de amor se não fossem
Ridículas.
Também escrevi em meu tempo cartas de amor,
Como as outras,
Ridículas.
As cartas de amor, se há amor,
Têm de ser
Ridículas.
Mas, afinal,
Só as criaturas que nunca escreveram
Cartas de amor
É que são
Ridículas.
Quem me dera no tempo em que escrevia
Sem dar por isso
Cartas de amor
Ridículas.
A verdade é que hoje
As minhas memórias
Dessas cartas de amor
É que são
Ridículas.
(Todas as palavras esdrúxulas,
Como os sentimentos esdrúxulos,
São naturalmente
Ridículas.)
Álvaro de Campos, in “Poemas” . Heterónimo de Fernando Pessoa 

La voici dite par Maria Bethania, avec son bel accent brésilien :

(*) Proparoxytonique :

s’applique à un mot dont l’accent tonique appuie sur l’antépénultième syllabe (ce qui constitue une exception dans une langue comme le portugais où il est le plus souvent marqué sur l’avant-dernière). Notons que l’adjectif portugais esdrúxulo qui signifie proparoxytonique porte justement l’accent tonique sur la syllabe drú. Ce mot est donc autoréférent.
Sous la plume de Pessoa, s’appliquant aux mots ou aux sentiments, l’adjectif esdrúxulo peut s’interpréter comme saugrenu.

 

 

 

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