Commencement address by Adrian Tan. Part 2.

Posted on April 21, 2012

Guest-of-honour at NTU convocation ceremony, Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), delivered this speech to the graduating class of 2008. I split the speech into two posts, the first part expands on “Don’t work”, “life is a mess” and “Don’t tell the truth”.

If you missed part 1: https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2012/04/19/part-1-dont-work-dont-tell-the-truth-be-hated-commencement-address-by-adrian-tan/

Be hated. I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet, every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many.

That hatred is so strong that it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

You don’t have to be evil to be hated.

In fact, it’s often the case that you are hated precisely because you are trying to do right by your own convictions.

It is far too easy to be liked: One merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then, you will gravitate towards the center and settle into the average. That cannot be your role.

There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself.

Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

Fall in love with someone. The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false.

Modern society is anti-love.

We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It is far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise.

Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness.

In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. 

Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor.

Love grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.

You will find that, when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart. (Provided that face and body are about normal? I find that having a good sense of humour is the main factor)

You will find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Don’t work. Be hated. Love someone