Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘Beyonce


“Grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief”: Beyoncé,

“Lemonade” and the new reality of infidelity

It’s time to change the way we talk about affairs

“Are you cheating on me?” Beyoncé asks in her visual album “Lemonade,” which premiered last weekend on HBO.

She throws open a door, and water gushes forth—an apt metaphor for the flood of emotions that her question, and its implied answer, unleashes.

"Grief sedated by orgasm, orgasm heightened by grief": Beyoncé, "Lemonade" and the new reality of infidelity 

EnlargeBeyoncé in “Lemonade

As a couples therapist, I’ve sat with hundreds of women, and men, in the turbulent aftermath of infidelity. For the past decade, I’ve been traveling the globe listening to tales of betrayal from every side. What struck me about Beyoncé’s album was both the universality of its themes and the unusual way in which it presented them. Whether autobiography or simply art, her multimedia treatise on unfaithful love represents a refreshing break with this country’s accepted narratives on the topic.

In the American backyard, adultery is sold with a mixture of condemnation and titillation. Magazine covers peddle smut while preaching sanctimony. While our society has become sexually open to the point of overflowing, when it comes to infidelity even the most liberal minds can remain intransigent. We may not be able to stop the fact that it happens, but we can all agree that it shouldn’t. (Why again?)

Another thing most Americans seem to agree on is that infidelity is among the worst things that can happen to a couple. The dialogue here is framed in terms borrowed from trauma, crime and religion: victims and perpetrators; injured parties and infidels; confession, repentance and redemption.

As a European, I can testify that in other cultures, the betrayal is no less painful, but the response is more philosophical and pragmatic. Americans do not cheat any less than the supposedly lascivious French; they just feel more guilty about it, because the experience here is framed in moral terms.

As Brazilian couples therapist Michele Scheinkman has pointed out, the notion of trauma provides a legitimizing framework for the pain of betrayal, but it limits the avenues for recovery.

This clinical approach denudes the pain of its romantic essence and its erotic energy—the very qualities that must be reignited if a relationship is to not only survive but thrive. Jealousy, rage, vengeance and lust are as central to the story as loss, pain and shattered trust—something European and Latin cultures will more readily admit than Americans. Infidelity is not just about broken contracts; it is about broken hearts.

These erotic aspects of the drama are unapologetically displayed in Beyoncé’s fierce performance. She does not present herself as victim, but as a woman invigorated and empowered by love.

She even voices one of the great unspoken truths about the aftermath of affairs: the hot sex that often ensues. “Grief sedated by orgasm,” she intones, “orgasm heightened by grief.” Perhaps most strikingly, she is unashamed to announce to the world that she intends to remain Mrs. Carter. “If we’re gonna heal, let it be glorious.”

Once upon a time, divorce carried all the shame. Today, choosing to stay when you can leave is the new shame.

That’s not to say we don’t do it—research indicates that most couples will stay together after an infidelity—but we do it stoically and silently. Betrayed women only get to sing songs of rage and retribution and wield baseball bats after they’ve walked out the door.

Politicians’ wives stand mute beside their contrite husbands at press conferences, and they are judged for doing so. From nationally televised presidential debates to the privacy of the voting booth, Hillary Clinton continues to be held in contempt of the court of public opinion for choosing to stay when she was free to go. (She was No Bill President, and Not that gorgeous to blame him)

There’s no question that the cultural conversation surrounding affairs reinforces some of America’s most deeply held values: love, honesty, commitment and responsibility—values that have been the cornerstones of our society.

But the intensity of the reactions that the topic provokes can also generate narrowness, hypocrisy and hasty responses. The dilemmas of love and desire don’t always yield to simple answers of black and white, good and bad, victim and perpetrator.

What singer Xriss Jor has to do with Lebanon, Dubai Music Week, and Quincy Jones?

A jury that consisted of Timbaland and Will.i.Am chose Lebanese Xriss Jor as the winner of the talent part at the Dubai Music Festival. Xriss performed Listen by Beyonce. As a result, Jor will sign a record deal contract with Sony Music and producer Quincy Jones, who has worked previously with Michael Jackson and Frank Sinatra.

She will get a single and a music video out of this.

Lebanese Xriss Jor Wins At Dubai Music Week, Signs Recording Contract With Quincy Jones

Xriss Jor Dubai Music Week

Xriss was competing with Emirati singer Hamdan Al Abri, Dubai-based Lebanese band Jay Wud, Lebanese singer DD Fox and Sudanese R&B singer Nile.

I figured her name was familiar so I looked into her some more and it transpired that she was a contestant on The Voice and managed to reach the later stages of the show before being disqualified in the 1/4 finals.

Those talent show contestants keep going at it until they hit the jackpot apparently.

Another batch will find its way to the spotlight tonight with the re-launching of Star Academy.

This seems to be Xriss Jor’s most popular performance on The Voice:

And this is the version of Listen that I was able to find:

Dubai is all about music these days.

Another Lebanese band is participating in another music event taking place there.

Make sure you head to Pepsi Band Slam and support Adonis (Funny, my name just keeps popping up everywhere and in every industry)

Note: Got this link from Tania Saleh on FB “GOOSE BUMPS ALL THE WAY!!!!!WHAT AN AMAZING LEBANESE VOICE!!!!

What do they share: Lady Gaga, Beyonce, Adele, Rihana…?

I am not into music.  It happened that the French weekly magazine “Courrier International” issued a special number on women:  Women in power, in sciences, in music…On the ground that if power corrupt, it can also corrupt people willing to take advantage of people in power…

It happened that I read the piece on pop music, and I leave it to you to judge on the good content of the article.  The Guardian wrote: “The market for pop music is not big enough to for more than four pop singers.  Somehow, it is expected that a couple of the top female singers will make room for two fresh faces in a year or two. Soon, we might realize that only one female singer held her ground and become of the same stature as Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, Diana Ross, Britney Spears, or Mariah Carey…It is as we ask talent hunters to get busy on the street and fetch new young and photogenic faces for the pop music industry…”

Miranda Sawyer of The Observer responded: “Girl solo singers are easier to manage than a bunch of boy brats.  Consequently, it is more profitable to focus on female singers.”  Leonie Cooper of New Musical Express simplified the equation: “As more women and girls attend concerts and do buy magazine dedicated to music, it is logical that female divas of the pop are more numerous”

It appears that Lady Gaga and Rihana are expected to stay on the scene for longer than the other top pop singers. It does not mean that the other singers will vanish into thin air and vacate the place, but they won’t grab as much of the market.

Medias tend to generalize and simplify singers into two categories: One category is for the coquettish and sexy pin-up (Kylie Minogue, Beyonce, Britney, Christina Aguilera, or Duffy…); the other category is reserved for the rebel and moderately engaged pin-up such as Avril Lavigne, Gwen Stephani, P!nk, Lady Gaga, or Amy Whinehouse…)

Most of the pop singers tried to change category at different seasons and were successful in increasing their share of the market. There is a new trend of author-interpreter pop singers and have the last word on their public image such as Lady Gaga, Jessie J, Nicki Minaj, or Clare Maguire…)  The Swedish electropop Robyn owns her own label company and got out three albums within a year, while resuming her concert contracts.

Rihana special voice is conducive to dancing songs.  One common factor that all pop singers share is that “sex doped sell” and they make good use of sex to increase selling.   For example, “Baby one more time” of Britney sold over 10 million since 2000.

The blog “Hipster runoff” created the word “slutwave” for this sex trend in crude songs and bare bodies, and Rolling Stone magazine adopted the term.  The female hip-hop trio group “Yo Majesty” reproduced the macho attitudes and grabbed their pussies…Lady Gaga said: “A few women opt to run after men, others after their dreams.  If you hesitate to choose, remember that your career will never remind you when you wake up that it does no longer love you.”

The idea of promoting a pop icon as representative of a life-style is very strong.  For example, Cheryl Cole is current ambassador of L’Oreal, Lady Gaga for MAC cosmetic, Rihana for Nivea…One more advantage for female top singers is that they have no difficulties integrating commercial successes and individual integrity

Note:  The authors of the piece “Les filles donnent le La” are Ines Munioz Martinez-Mora and Lucas Arrault.




May 2023

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