Que donner à nos enfants pour qu’ils soient aptes à affronter le XXI° siècle ?
1. La confiance
La confiance est un concept générique qui recouvre plusieurs dimensions :
la confiance de base
C’est une confiance profonde dans son corps. La confiance de base se nourrit de touchers dans les bras des parents au cours de la première année. Ce sont les regards, les câlins, les baisers qui donnent la sensation d’être solide et protégé.
Isabelle Filliozat définit la sécurité intérieure comme une sensation physique élaborée dans le contact avec les parents :
c’est la sensation d’être confortablement installé à l’intérieur de soi, bien assis dans sa base, dans sa colonne vertébrale, dans son sacrum » (os qui maintient les vertèbres ensemble au niveau du bassin).
Elle écrit que le portage, le cododo, l’allaitement, les massages, tout ce qui favorise le contact physique entre le bébé et ses parents augmente la sécurité intérieure du jeune enfant.
la confiance dans l’autre
La confiance dans l’autre se nourrit de la certitude qu’il répondra à nos besoins.
La confiance dans l’autre est fondée sur notre confiance en nos compétences à solliciter le regard d’autrui et sur la capacité à se percevoir digne d’intérêt.
Cette confiance dans l’autre se construit dans les premières semaines de l’existence. La théorie de l’attachement nous apprend que le bébé attend la protection de la part de l’adulte et c’est à la figure d’attachement de protéger le bébé.
Un enfant à l’attachement secure (dont les réponses des figures d’attachement sont cohérentes, répétitives et empathiques) développe plusieurs certitudes :
– la confiance en l’autre en cas de problème,
– le sentiment de valeur personnelle au regard de l’autre,
– une bonne estime de soi (je sais ce que je peux faire par moi-même; j’ai été quelqu’un de spécial et d’unique pour quelqu’un d’autre; j’ai toujours eu l’impression que, même en situation de détresse, j’avais de la valeur et que j’étais digne d’amour aux yeux des gens importants pour moi)
la confiance en sa propre personne
C’est la confiance en ses sensations, en ses perceptions et émotions.
Entre 18 mois et 2 ans, les enfants entrent dans la période du Non.
L’enfant s’oppose, développe sa propre personnalité, veut devenir une personne séparée de ses parents et cherche à se définir : qu’est-ce qui est MOI ?
Quand les parents respectent les désirs, les besoins, les sensations, les émotions, les choix, les jugements de leurs enfants, ils participent à renforcer la confiance en sa propre personne de l’enfant.
Avoir confiance en sa propre personne signifie avoir confiance en ses propres sensations, émotions, sentiments et pensée. Pour ce faire, l’enfant a besoin du regard bienveillant de ses parents qui l’autorisent à être lui-même et différent d’eux.
Quand les parents regardent l’enfant et le respectent (son corps, ses droits, son territoire, ses possessions même si ce ne sont que des marrons ramassés au parc), l’enfant peut exister pour lui-même.
Tu as le droit de sentir les choses différemment de moi, d’aimer ce que je n’aime pas et de ne pas aimer ce que j’aime.
Tu as le droit d’éprouver de la colère, de la tristesse, de la peur, de la joie.
Tu as le droit d’avoir des besoins et de les exprimer.
Tu as le droit de penser différemment de moi.
Tu as le droit d’avoir des opinions différentes des miennes.
la confiance en ses pensées propres
La confiance en ses pensées propres est celle qui permet de résister à l’influence sociale, de réfléchir par soi-même, de remettre en cause les préjugés. Cette forme de confiance en soi nécessite la tolérance à la solitude, à l’erreur, à la confrontation, à la remise en question et demande une force intérieure solide.
la confiance en ses compétences
A partir de trois ou quatre ans, l’enfant part à l’exploration du monde et veut faire des choses tout seul. Pour construire la confiance en ses ressources créatives, en ses compétences, en ses capacités, l’enfant a besoin :
– d’être autorisé à explorer, toucher, échouer, tomber, recommencer, se relever seul (j’en parle ici : Tu vas tomber (ou pas) ! ),
– de soutien face aux difficultés (voir cet article pour aider les enfants à surmonter la peur de l’échec et des erreurs),
– d’encouragements et de respect de ses productions (dessins, peintures, pâte à modeler…),
– de responsabilités, de missions (comme acheter le pain seul, choisir les fruits lors des courses, nourrir le chien…),
– d’être consulté et que cet avis soit respecté (à ce lien, LA question clé à poser aux enfants aussi souvent que possible pour asseoir leur confiance en eux).
la confiance relationnelle
camarades, se fait des amis. Les relations avec les pairs (frères et sœurs, camarades de classe…) peuvent influencer grandement la confiance relationnelle des enfants. Un enfant moqué, rejeté, humilié par ses frères et sœurs, bizuté ou racketé à l’école sera plus facilement en déficit de confiance relationnelle.
Les parents peuvent aider les enfants :
– en leur apprenant à identifier les sentiments et émotions des autres
Qu’est-ce que ton copain a ressenti quand tu lui as dit que tu ne voulais plus le voir ? Imagine ce que tu ressentirais si tu étais à sa place.
– en leur faisant observer la manière dont les autres s’y prennent pour faire ce qu’ils ne savent pas faire
Postures, ton de la voix, mimiques, gestes, paroles…
– en leur apprenant à envoyez des « flèches verbales » non violentes car on n’embête pas un enfant qui sait se défendre
– en raisonnant en termes de besoin et de spécificité de chaque enfant
Extrait de Jalousies et rivalités entre frères et soeurs – Comment venir à bout des conflits entre vos enfants de Faber et Mazlish
2. Se sentir exister
Isabelle Filliozat écrit que le premier besoin d’un être humain est de se sentir existé pour l’autre, un regard qui dit « je sais que tu existes ».
Les enfants ont besoin de beaucoup de présence et d’attention.
Les enfants ont besoin d’exister pour leurs parents, de se sentir suffisamment importants pour qu’ils modifient pour eux leurs plans ou leurs habitudes. Pour un enfant, amour s’épelle TEMPS.
Ce sentiment d’existence passe également par la liberté. Les enfants ont besoin de se sentir libres
3. Se sentir accepté
Le sentiment d’appartenance et d’utilité est important pour le développement de l’enfant. Il a besoin de sentir que sa présence est souhaitée et qu’il peut contribuer à sa manière.
Des phrases d’amour inconditionnel participeront à combler ses besoins affectifs :
Tu as le droit d’être ici.
Tu as ta place dans cette famille.
Nous t’aimons tel que tu es.
Nous t’aimerons quoi que tu fasses. (C’est debile. Il faut lui montrer que l’ amour exige le respect des autres)
Je t’aime.
Donner des preuves d’amour ne veut pas dire être laxiste. Les règles existent et sont là pour assurer la sécurité, la vie en famille, la santé…
Quand l’enfant transgresse les règles, l’enfant a le droit de recevoir un rappel de la règle ou un message Je de le part de ses parents (« je suis triste », « je suis déçu », « j’ai besoin de… ») et pas un message humiliant (« tu es irrécupérable », « tu le fais exprès », « qu’est-ce que j’ai fait pour avoir un gamin pareil ? »…).
L’affection passe aussi par les contacts physiques : portage, câlins, caresses, bisous…
4. Se sentir apprécié
Plus on se sent apprécié, plus on a envie d’avancer, de progresser, d’apprendre. L’appréciation guide vers l’autonomie:
J’aime vivre avec toi.
C’est un plaisir de te regarder.
J’adore jouer avec toi.
Recevoir régulièrement des encouragements et des marques d’appréciation permet de se sentir fort et heureux.
La satisfaction de ces besoins affectifs tout au long de l’enfance (des premières minutes suivant la naissance à l’entrée dans l’âge adulte) semble être l’ingrédient fondamental de la réussite et du bonheur.
The king and emirs of the most obscurantist and Wahhabi Saud family can destroy and bomb poor Yemen infrastructure, it will not prevail.
The Yemeni people are taking their destiny in their own hand, driving the Qaeda out and denying Saudi Arabia its objective of enslaving Yemen with financial aids that never were meant for building any infrastructure or development projects.
(She is News and culture junkie interested in human rights, new media and politics. Former aspiring astronaut. Third Culture Kid. Don’t call her a millennial.)
Unless you’ve been there, we bet you didn’t know Yemen was this breath-taking.
Here is visual proof of the country’s stunning scenery, from the ecological haven of Socotra Island to surreal Sana’a, the world’s oldest city and a UNESCO World Heritage Site, to the greenery of Ibb and the desert architecture of Hadramaut…
Feast your eyes:
Yemen Nightlife” – A souq in Sana’a (Ingo Bernhardt/500px)
-*+Unless you’ve been there, we bet you didn’t know Yemen was this breathtaking. Here is visual proof of the country’s stunning scenery, from the ecological haven of Socotra Island to surreal Sana’a, the world’s oldest city and a UNESCO World…
Tom Fletcher, Ambassador of UK to Lebanon, posted this November 7, 2014
The Lebanese spend more on education than anything but food, more per capita than any other country. It’s a down-payment of hope in Lebanon’s future.
In schools as on the borders and checkpoints, the UK stands beside Lebanon with actions not words.
The UK is now Lebanon’s main education partner, through four game-changing programmes.
For the second year, we are getting school textbooks to every pupil aged 6-15, over 300,000 kids.
We are working with the Education Ministry to get every child into school. At over 50m USD, this is the largest ever UK project with the Lebanese state.
With the Ministry and Adyan, we are getting citizenship and coexistence into the curriculum. Leaders from all religious groups have agreed how to teach all 6-17 year old pupils about a united Lebanon rather than a divided one.
This is the first academic year when English will be the most studied language. The British Council are giving Lebanese kids the key that unlocks the global market. At thirty graduation ceremonies in two years, I have seen how empowering this is.
No child should miss out on their education. Yet a growing number risk becoming a lost generation, vulnerable to radicalisation and manipulation. We want to make it a fairer fight: we are arming Lebanon’s youth with knowledge.
People talk about countering ISIL extremism with boots on the ground. We’re doing it with books in the hand.
Since the start of Israel’s Operation Protective Edge, and the ground assault on the Gaza Strip since last Thursday, at least 1,100 Palestinians have been killed.
Mark Oliver, Andrew Marszal, and Sam Dodge posted this July 22, 2014
The Al Mezan Centre for Human Rights, a Gaza-based human rights organisation which works with the UN, has verified the deaths of 132 children between July 7 and July 21 via its field workers.
The above graphic gives the name, age, sex and location – as well as the date on which they were killed – of all of these.
Behind Barbed Wire, Shakespeare Inspires a Cast of Young Syrians
On a rocky patch of earth in this sprawling city of tents and prefab trailers, the king, dressed in dirty jeans and a homemade cape, raised his wooden scepter and announced his intention to divide his kingdom.
His elder daughters, wearing paper crowns and plastic jewelry, showered him with false praise, while the youngest spoke truthfully and lost her inheritance.
For the 100 children in the cast, it was their first brush with Shakespeare, although they were already deeply acquainted with tragedy.
All were refugees who had fled the civil war in Syria. Some had seen their homes destroyed. Others had lost relatives to violence. Many still had trouble sleeping or jumped at loud noises.
Reflecting the demographics of Syria’s wider refugee crisis, more than half of the 587,000 refugees registered in Jordan are younger than 18, according to the United Nations. About 60,000 of those young people live in the Zaatari camp, where fewer than a quarter regularly attend school.
Parents and aid workers fear that Syria’s war threatens to create a lost generation of children who are scarred by violence and miss vital years of education, and that those experiences and disadvantages will follow them into adulthood.
The “King Lear” performance, the conclusion of a project than spanned months, was one attempt to fight that threat.
The play owed its production largely to Mr. Bulbul. Smoking hand-rolled cigarettes and speaking with the animated face of a stage actor who never stops performing, Mr. Bulbul described his journey from television star to children’s director.
When the Syrian uprising broke out in 2011, he joined with gusto, appearing at antigovernment protests, leading chants and drawing the ire of the security services. A play he produced was banned, and a fellow actor who supported the government informed him that he could either appear on television to rectify his stance or expect to be arrested.
“I told him I would think about it, and a week later I was out of the country,” Mr. Bulbul said.
Last year, he and his French wife moved to Jordan, where friends invited him to help distribute aid in Zaatari. The visit exposed him to what he called “the big lie” of international politics that had failed to stop the war.
“There are people who want to go home, and they are the victims while the great powers fight above them,” he said.
Children he met in the camp made him promise to return, and he did — with a plan to show the world that the least fortunate Syrian refugees could produce the loftiest theater.
The sun blazed on the day of the performance, staged on a rocky rectangle of land surrounded by a chain-link fence topped with barbed wire. The 12 main actors stood in the middle, while the rest of the cast stood behind them, a chorus that provided commentary and dramatic sound effects. The audience sat on the ground.
When each of Lear’s first two daughters tricked him with false flattery in elegant, formal Arabic, the chorus members yelled “Liar! Hypocrite!” until the sisters told them to shut up.
And when the third sister refused to follow suit, the chorus members yelled “Truthful! Just!” until the king told them to shut up.
PLAY VIDEO. VIDEO|5:35. Syrian Refugees Cross Into Uncertainty
Refugees fleeing fighting in Syria in May, 2013, relocated to the Zaatari refugee camp in northern Jordan where they face dusty days and cold nights in an uncertain existence with no end in sight.
In later scenes, the king was heckled by the Fool, who wore a rainbow-colored wig, and 8 boys performed a choreographed sword fight with lengths of plastic tubing.
A few scenes from “Hamlet” were spliced in, making the story hard to follow. And at one point, a tanker truck carrying water roared by, drowning out the actors and coating the audience in a cloud of dust.
But the mere fact that the play was performed was enough for the few hundred spectators. Families living in nearby tents brought their children, hoisting them on their shoulders so they could see.
After Lear’s descent into madness and death, the cast surrounded the audience, triumphantly chanting “To be or not to be!” in English and Arabic. The crowd burst into applause, and a number of the leading girls broke into tears. Mr. Bulbul said they were overwhelmed because it was the first time anyone had clapped for them.
After the show, as journalists interviewed the cast, the parents boasted of their children’s talent.
“I am the mother of King Lear,” declared Intisar al-Baradan when asked if she had seen the play. She had brought about 20 relatives to the performance, she said, adding that her son was also a great singer.
Other parents described the project as a rare point of light in a bleak camp existence.
Hatem Azzam, whose daughter Rowan, 12, played one of Lear’s daughters, said the family fled Damascus after government forces set his carpentry shop on fire.
“We were a rebellious neighborhood, so they burned every shop on the street,” Mr. Azzam said.
He arrived in Zaatari a year ago with 5 other family members, but one of his brothers got sick and died soon afterward, and his elderly mother never adjusted to the desert climate and died, too, he said.
He hesitated to send his children to school, fearing that they would get sick in the crowded classrooms, and he kept them from roaming the camp because he did not want them to start smoking or pick up other bad habits. But the theater project was close to home, and his daughter was so excited about it that he let her go.
“People get opportunities in life, and you have to take advantage of them,” Mr. Azzam said. “She got a chance to act when she was young, so that could make it easier for her in the future.”
The mother of Bushra al-Homeyid, 13, who played another of Lear’s daughters, said the family had fled Syria after government shelling killed her niece and nephew.
“The camp is an incomplete life, a temporary life,” she said. “We hope that our time here will be limited.”
But after a year here, she worried that her eldest daughter, who was in high school, would not be ready to go to college.
Bushra, grinning widely and still wearing her yellow paper crown, said she had never acted before but wanted to continue.
“I like that I can change my personality and be someone else,” she said.
I am awed by pictures of children, from all kinds of countries (rich countries, desolate countries, and famished countries…) looking straight in the camera lens, wide smiles, teeth all showing, giggling, happy, surprised…
All the attitudes, except bitterness…
Here are a few pictures of children considered “impure” in the Omo Valley in Ethiopia, and unless they are saved and homes found for them, they are killed…
The Omo River Valley is located in Southwest Ethiopia, Africa. It has been called “the last frontier” in Africa.
Adonis Diaries 