Adonis Diaries

“I am already cleansing my dead body”: Introspection

The Swedish author, August Strindberg, in the introduction of his book “Confession of a madman” wrote:  “This is a terrible book and I am the first to confirm it.  I wrote the book to cleanse my dead body before it is confined for eternity.”

In general, mankind decided to cleanse the dead bodies before they are buried.  I wish that at least a cat or a dog would lick clean my dead body before it is devoured and my carcass rot, far from any community of man. 

How about you start the cleansing of your body by introspection?  Do you want people to interpret your life and feelings without your input after you die?

Many young people flee their community:  They have this deep feeling that the community will never give them any reprieve for knowing themselves, their limitations, potentials, and grand desires.  Leaving the community early is a sane endeavor before we lack the energy and the will to executing our decision.

The problem remains:  After leaving the community that sheltered the young person and cared for him, how many young people remembered, in the mad race for survival, to invest time on knowing themselves? 

Most probably, young people joined the herd of sheep under the illusion of conserving their personality without making the effort of comprehending their individuality.

Recognition of individuality is an acquired job of will; it does not come cheap just working haphazardly for survival.  Are you sure you did an excellent serious job of introspection?  Why then are you hanging on in your community?  So much effort spent for earning your freedom and none left to getting out!

The world has varied specimen of idiosyncracies, moral value sets, ethical conducts: How about you get on the march mingling with the others “savage” communities of mankind?  

You will be surprised how little you know “who I am”.  You have barely scratched the surface if you decline the call of the wide world of the other communities.

Begin cleansing your body and soul:  As you die, you had done a superior job, the hardest and most essential job of all: Baring to everyone who cares to know a special specimen of mankind’s life.

I guess that I bared my soul several years before I read what Strindberg wrote: I have a large ego that was frustrated in childhood and got lost and obscured in the process.  I am glad I lived long enough to catching up with my individuality. At least, I leave records so that no one would dare misinterpret my life unilaterally:  I am the accused and the defendant.

Epictetus, the Greek philosopher of antiquity wrote: “When people stop supporting your state of survival then, they are opening the door to stepping out to the place you were born, to things that resemble to you, to the elements.  Come, there is no need for fear.”  

Strange, in the last 6 months I lived without a nickel in my pockets.  The extended family and community stopped supporting me:  I stopped asking.  They might feel uncomfortable:  I have never felt better.

I want to live:  I am still expecting to fall in love.  If my love is shared and reciprocated that would be the greatest bliss in my entire life:  I vow never to desire anything else.