Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘coma

Trauma of being isolated and still not in Coma

Soha Bsat Boustani posted on Fb. March 27 at 6:30 PM

Make no mistake. When loved ones are removed from your home by ambulance because the virus has hit them hard, you are not going to be able to follow them there, sit by their hospital bed and hold their hand.

You are not going to be able to pop in at 7.00 pm for visiting hours.

They are going to have no one other than exhausted and brave hospital staff to see them through days or weeks of barely breathing through a ventilator until they either die or recover.

They are not going to be well enough to text you. (They should be able to see and hear you on Skype?)

You are not going to be able to phone the ward to check in on them regularly (staff will be too busy for that).

During that time, they will be completely alone, while you sit at home waiting to hear whether they have made it through.

Imagine that person is someone you love dearly.

Because it’s going to be a reality for many in the coming weeks.

And if that person in hospital happens to be you, going through that ordeal completely alone, it would be nothing less than terrifying.

Please stay home and only go out if absolutely necessary.

Social distancing is imperative right now for your family and mine.

(Persevere in Social distancing. Do not break the chain, Not a little, Not for a minute)

Note: Apparently, even those cured will keep serious sekel for the remainder of their life, to their lungs and other vital organs.

And how Julia, the undaunted, passed away at 92?

I decided to relate this story, with the intention of Not pressing “publish” for a long time.

It was urgent for me to recollect the fresh facts and impressions of the demise of mother Julie.

A week before she fell in the bathroom, Julie was Not feeling well. I could Not tell what was ailing her and she could Not express how she felt.

I knew she was Not well because she slept a lot and wouldn’t mind that I bring her the food tray at bed.

Julie used to feel dizzy more than usual.

When she fell, laying on the ground and waiting for someone to discover her, I used to help her stand on her feeble legs  and walk her to bed. I cover her up and wait until she recovers from whatever ailing her. An hour later, she is up and giving me worries.

That evening, Julie fell in the bathroom when I was Not home. I discovered her laying on the floor and moaning. Moaning means she is in pain. I called on my nephew to help me out carry her up to her bed.

I figured out she was removing a top, got dizzy and fell on the lavatory.

Not knowing if anything was broken, I called the Red Cross to transport Julie to the emergency.

This time around, I decided to take her to Bhaness hospital and called the bone surgeon to be the main physician in this case.

Four hours later, the x-rays showed 3 broken chest bones. And mother was hospitalized and we returned home after midnight.

The next day, the bone physician told us that mother has also some kidney failure, but this can wait after she recovers and her bone heal within 3 months.

In the meantime, mother is to take Panadol for her pain and suffering. And we were dispatched home.

For 3 days and nights, Julie was in constant pain at home.

She barely slept a wink and I could Not sleep a wink.

She was unable to swallow any soup or drink

One night, she made room in the bed next her and wanted me to lie next to her and hug her. This was totally unusual for this prude and tough girl.

I wanted to hug her and then I felt that my side of the bed was wet. And I decided to let her sleep alone and in pains. Always alone.

Julia would never accept to wear any kind padding (couche) and would rather suffer moving to the restroom.

But she had to swallow her pride and let me clean her up and cook for her.

Three awful nights and days, Julie was in acute pain and I trying to believe that it was a case of just broken bones that need time to heal.

I felt totally helpless and suffering for her. This home treatment crap was no longer a valid option.

We managed to find an “excuse” that it is the dialyse physician who should be in charge.

My brother-in-law and I shouldered her and Julie descended the stairs patiently. This undaunted woman was so weak that she leaned her head on my shoulder for a few breaths.

We finally drove her to Beit-Chabab emergency because her condition was no longer sufferable or acceptable to be at home.

The physician looked at the blood test and the second item demonstrated that Julie had a urine infection. The physician was beside himself and said: “She should have been treated at the hospital for this infection”.

That was a total chock for me and I wondered if the bone surgeon had no communication with the blood test physician or if any serious communication was done before releasing the patient. No antibiotics were prescribed after Julie was released from Bhaness,

To the insurance request of what Julie is suffering from, the physician said: “She is in coma already

Julie was hospitalized for 3 days and then moved to ICU section. Her urine output was very deficient and less than minimal: kidney not functioning anymore. For 7 days, Julie was Not allowed to eat or drink out of the risk of deficiency in swallowing.

The dialise physician decided to intervene with a dialysis session. Julia suffered in these procedure sessions as she never before. But all her organs were already failing.

At 11:30 am before she passed away, we connected Julie with her daughter and preferred niece in London. She moved her hand to kiss the picture. She even moved her hand downward to remove the padding that she couldn’t stand. And I said: this is a sign that she is improving.

At 1:30, we received the call that she died.

Julie decided it was no longer worth it to live totally dependent.

She was supposed to be able  to walk to the restroom and to the refrigerator to find something to eat when she wakes up several time at night.

Even when she was functional, barely anyone would visit with her, and occasionally she would cry silently telling me that no visitors are showing up.

Actually, in my 20 years since I returned from USA, no one paid me a visit. I who lived with her and took care of her. Even when she had a hip surgery and could Not move. barely anyone visited to extend any help.

My sister was oversea, and only Hanane was available and we would have lunch in mother’s room, on a portable light table that I bought for these occasions.

All those cousins whom Julia did her best to help, accommodate, shelter and feed in order for them to finish their schooling and who did well.

Anyone who has a point of view of what happens after death, he must include all the living creatures, even the tiniest of insects, lest he is practicing the lousiest of racism of the charlatans.

Death is a continuation of “Life cycle” on earth, as it is everywhere else.

Note: You may read who was Julie

I am seeing double; (September 26, 2009)


      I woke up at 7:30 am seeing double. I got in bed seeing double but it didn’t affect my sleep or my hope in a better world.

      Waking up seeing double had the world around me tumbling down. The legs of tables have doubled; things must be logically more stable but my perception is not reassured. I have never seen such a mess around the house: too many sandals, thongs, and socks.

      I am not drunk and there is nothing wrong with my corrective eye glasses:  Without glasses I see four of each object.  I have a mind of super-imposing my spare glasses: maybe I would see a single world.  Sure the world would look terribly fuzzy but still singular.  I didn’t try to demonstrate my hypothesis: most probably I won’t though I am hugely tempted if I didn’t abhor fuzziness even more.

      I am trying to be functional one eye at a time; the world is lacking depth and not interesting.  I feel uneasy with nature lacking depth; I am not sure if I am pouring properly in a cup or replacing any lid with precision perceptually. I am not that worried about man lacking depth: I got used to it. I pity animals with more than two eyes: with too much depth every step must be like stepping over precipices. 

      I look at the nearby village with both eyes and it is a duplicate; I shut one eye and then the other and the village shifts location.  If most conquerors saw double they would not feel the urge to conquer some more lands; so far, Lebanon must have doubled in superficies and can boast to be an expansionist nation.

      I will refrain from driving today: I might take the wrong route till I crash or I might attempt to slide between two cars of same type and same color.  People before me had accidents of the same kind but they happened at night; like not avoiding a car with only one head light on thinking they were facing a motorcycle.  Besides, I don’t feel hot people asking me why I keep switching eyes. It is so tiring closing one eye, especially typing on my keyboard.  I feel that I can focus better with my left eye on. Eventually, I might get used to shut my eyelids effortlessly and keep them shut effortlessly.

      So far, I have been observing my symptoms for over 24 hours until I manage to see an eye physician on Monday. I think that I am walking balanced: I didn’t bump into anything yet but I experienced several instances of close call for slipping because of lack of depth. The duplicates are mirror images from the direction of my piss. Physically, I am normal but I am starting to burp a lot and I have not eaten anything. I suspect that I have been poisoned. I would love to blame Ariel Sharon but he has been in deep coma for ages; he has been a lot of body with no brain to start with; he might be experiencing a loop of recurring dreams; any dream in the loop that is not gory must be a bonus to Ariel; or maybe not. 

      Last evening I told my brother dentist of my symptom; he said “see an eye physician”.  Then 10 minutes later my brother enters with an astonished horror look and proclaimed to the assembly of mother and dad that he remembered a friend of his who experienced the same symptoms and it turned out that he had suffered a slight stroke; I told him that I don’t feel any physical pain or other handicaps; he said people don’t feel much from slight strokes.  My brother went on to admonish me to go to the hospital right away or see our family doctor.  We have no family doctor; and then what? Take the money and then tell me to go see an eye physician?  That’s my brother; no tact.  I have told my mother during the day but she didn’t take me seriously.  Now mother is beside herself and offering all kinds of opinions and suggestions; she will fail to sleep tonight and will covet me for God knows how long.             This is a fucking life: too many illusions piled up to make pain real.  That is absolute creativity. If I live enough to see the proper physician then I might tell the rest of my story; the causes of my symptoms and my cures if any.  I woke up this Sunday seeing double.




June 2023

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