Posts Tagged ‘disability’
“I’m Not your inspiration, thank you very much”: Handicapped Stella Young, a comedian and journalist
Posted on: February 19, 2018
“I’m not your inspiration, thank you very much”: Handicapped Stella Young, a comedian and journalist
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid I’m going to disappoint you dramatically. I am not here to inspire you. I am here to tell you that we have been lied to about disability.
Stella Young is a comedian and journalist who happens to go about her day in a wheelchair — a fact that doesn’t automatically turn her into a noble inspiration to all humanity. In this very funny talk, Young breaks down society’s habit of turning disabled people into “inspiration porn.”
This talk was presented to a local audience at TEDxSydney, an independent event. TED’s editors chose to feature it for you.
I grew up in a very small country town in Victoria. I had a very normal, low-key kind of upbringing. I went to school, I hung out with my friends, I fought with my younger sisters. It was all very normal.
And when I was 15, a member of my local community approached my parents and wanted to nominate me for a community achievement award. And my parents said, “Hm, that’s really nice, but there’s kind of one glaring problem with that. She hasn’t actually achieved anything.” (Laughter)
And they were right, you know. I went to school, I got good marks, I had a very low-key after school job in my mum’s hairdressing salon, and I spent a lot of time watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” and “Dawson’s Creek.”
Yeah, I know. What a contradiction. But they were right. I wasn’t doing anything that was out of the ordinary at all. I wasn’t doing anything that could be considered an achievement if you took disability out of the equation.
Years later, I was on my second teaching round in a Melbourne high school, and I was about 20 minutes into a year 11 legal studies class when this boy put up his hand and said, “Hey miss, when are you going to start doing your speech?” And I said, “What speech?”
I’d been talking them about defamation law for a good 20 minutes. And he said, “You know, like, your motivational speaking. When people in wheelchairs come to school, they usually say, like, inspirational stuff?“ (Laughter) “It’s usually in the big hall.”
And that’s when it dawned on me: This kid had only ever experienced disabled people as objects of inspiration. We are Not, to this kid — and it’s not his fault that’s true for many of us.
For lots of us, disabled people are not our teachers or our doctors or our manicurists. We’re Not real people. We are there to inspire. And in fact, I am sitting on this stage looking like I do in this wheelchair, and you are probably kind of expecting me to inspire you. Right? (Laughter) Yeah.
And in the past few years, we’ve been able to propagate this lie even further via social media. You may have seen images like this one: “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.”
Or this one: “Your excuse is invalid.” Indeed.
Or this one: “Before you quit, try!”
These are just a couple of examples, but there are a lot of these images out there. You might have seen the one, the little girl with no hands drawing a picture with a pencil held in her mouth.
You might have seen a child running on carbon fiber prosthetic legs. And these images, there are lots of them out there, they are what we call inspiration porn. (Laughter)
And I use the term porn deliberately, because they objectify one group of people for the benefit of another group of people.
So in this case, we’re objectifying disabled people for the benefit of non-disabled people. The purpose of these images is to inspire you, to motivate you, so that we can look at them and think, “Well, however bad my life is, it could be worse. I could be that person.”
But what if you are that person?
I’ve lost count of the number of times that I’ve been approached by strangers wanting to tell me that they think I’m brave or inspirational, and this was long before my work had any kind of public profile.
They were just kind of congratulating me for managing to get up in the morning and remember my own name. (Laughter)
And it is objectifying. These images, those images-objectify disabled people for the benefit of non-disabled people. They are there so that you can look at them and think that things aren’t so bad for you, to put your worries into perspective.
And life as a disabled person is actually somewhat difficult. We do overcome some things.
But the things that we’re overcoming are not the things that you think they are. They are not things to do with our bodies. I use the term “disabled people” quite deliberately, because I subscribe to what’s called the social model of disability, which tells us that we are more disabled by the society that we live in than by our bodies and our diagnoses.
I really think that this lie that we’ve been sold about disability is the greatest injustice. It makes life hard for us. And that quote, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude,” the reason that that’s bullshit is because it’s just not true, because of the social model of disability.
No amount of smiling at a flight of stairs has ever made it turn into a ramp. Never. (Applause)
Smiling at a television screen isn’t going to make closed captions appear for people who are deaf.
No amount of standing in the middle of a bookshop and radiating a positive attitude is going to turn all those books into braille. It’s just not going to happen.
I really want to live in a world where disability is not the exception, but the norm.
I want to live in a world where a 15-year-old girl sitting in her bedroom watching “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” isn’t referred to as achieving anything because she’s doing it sitting down.
I want to live in a world where we don’t have such low expectations of disabled people that we are congratulated for getting out of bed and remembering our own names in the morning.
I want to live in a world where we value genuine achievement for disabled people, and I want to live in a world where a kid in year 11 in a Melbourne high school is not one bit surprised that his new teacher is a wheelchair user.
Pain of deep loneliness? Any tips?
What about the loneliness of the elder people whom nobody care to spend a minute to visit and listen to them?
We’ve all felt lonely from time to time. But sometimes, things can get out of hand. Psychologist Guy Winch lays out some straightforward tips to deal with the pain of deep loneliness.
Loneliness is a subjective feeling. You may be surrounded by other people, friends, family, workmates — yet still feel emotionally or socially disconnected from those around you. Other people are not guaranteed to shield us against the raw emotional pain that loneliness inflicts.
But raw emotional pain is only the beginning of the damage loneliness can cause. It has a huge impact on our physical health as well.
Loneliness activates our physical and psychological stress responses and suppresses the function of our immune systems. This puts us at increased risk for developing all kinds of illness and diseases, including cardiovascular disease.
Shockingly, the long-term risk chronic loneliness poses to our health and longevity is so severe, it actually increases risk of an early death by 26%.
Emerging from loneliness is far more challenging than we realize.
There are many paths to loneliness.
Some enter loneliness gradually. A friend moves away, another has a child, a third works a seventy-hour work week, and before we know it our social circle, the one we had relied upon for years, ceases to exist.
Others enter loneliness more suddenly, when they leave for college or the military, lose a partner to death or divorce, start a new job, or move to a new town or country.
And for some, chronic illness, disability or other limiting conditions have made loneliness a lifelong companion.
Unfortunately, emerging from loneliness is far more challenging than we realize, as the psychological wounds it inflicts create a trap from which it is difficult to break free.
Loneliness distorts our perceptions, making us believe the people around us care much less than they actually do, and it makes us view our existing relationships more negatively, such that we see them as less meaningful and important than we would if we were not lonely.
These distorted perceptions have a huge ripple effect, creating self-fulfilling prophecies that ensnare many. Feeling emotionally raw and convinced of our own undesirability and of the diminished caring of others, we hesitate to reach out even as we are likely to respond to overtures from others with hesitance, resentment, skepticism or desperation, effectively pushing away the very people who could alleviate our condition.
As a result, many lonely people withdraw and isolate themselves to avoid risking further rejection or disappointment. And when they do venture into the world, their hesitance and doubts are likely to create the very reaction they fear. They will force themselves to attend a party but feel so convinced others won’t talk to them, they spend the entire evening parked by the hummus and vegetable dip with a scowl on their face, and indeed, no one dares approach — which for them only verifies their fundamental undesirability.
Breaking free of loneliness and healing our psychological wounds is possible, but it involves a decision — a decision to override the gut instinct telling you to stay away and to play it safe by isolating yourself.
Instead, you must do three things that require both courage and a leap of faith:
Take action
Accept that loneliness is impacting your perceptions and understand that people are likely to respond more positively than you expect. If you feel socially disconnected, go through your phone and email address books, and your social media contacts, and make a list of people you haven’t seen or spoken to for a while.
If you feel emotionally disconnected, make a list of 5 people you’ve been close to in the past. Reach out to them and suggest getting together and catching up. Yes, it will feel scary to do so, and yes, you will worry about it being awkward or uncomfortable. That is why it is also important to:
Give the benefit of the doubt
It is fair to assume that someone who enjoyed your company in the past would likely enjoy spending time with you in the present as well. Yes, maybe they’ve been out of touch, maybe they never called after promising to see you soon, but you must accept that the reason they’ve been out of touch or the reason you haven’t been close lately might have nothing to do with you.
In all likelihood, it is their busy lives, their competing priorities, stresses or opportunities that led to the “disconnect” between you. In many cases, there might not even be a disconnect — in other words, the reluctance you assume on their part might not even exist. So reach out to the people on your list but remember to:
Approach with positivity
Yes, you fear rejection and yes, you’re not in the best frame of mind, but this is one situation where it might be important to fake it. When contacting the people on your list, try to put yourself into a positive mindset.
One safe way to do that is by using text or email so you can use emoticons to create the smiley face you might have a hard time manufacturing on your own face. Review your messages before you send them to make sure they sound appealing.
Avoid accusations (“You haven’t called me in months!”) or statements of disconnect (“I know it must be weird to hear from me…”). Express positive sentiment (“Was thinking about you!” or “Miss you!”), an invitation (“Let’s grab coffee,” or “I’d love to get dinner and a catch-up,”) and be specific in terms of time frame (“How’s next week looking?” or What’s a good day this month?”).
Loneliness is extremely painful, but once you recognize the perceptual distortions it causes and the psychological trap it creates, you will be able to marshal your courage, take that leap of faith, and plan your escape. Freedom will be sweet once you do.
Illustration by Anna Parini/TED.
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