Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘emotional instability

Do Night dreams dig deep into your emotional instability?

I went to bed at midnight and got up at 4:30 am in sweat, upset and totally angry. I had this night dream.

The dream: It’s a long day of graduating students, in open air gathering. Each student has to take the podium to deliver a talk on his thesis.

As usual, to prolong the nightmare in my dream I’m listed at the near end for the horror tasks.

I’m a timid person and has been for most of my life  and can’t face the public. My mind goes blank and I’m ashamed of asking questions: My questions might seem trivial and not at par of the subject matter.

All day long, I’m wishing a calamity to befall on this event and put an end to my horror.

Actually, I have never been satisfied with any thesis or achievement and feel my work is Not up to my initial goal.

As the girl just ahead of me started her talk, the rain drizzled and I found it legitimate to run away in order to dry my clothes. At my apartment, I’m lingering even after the rain stopped: I’m really not anxious to go back there.

By the time I got there, the event has finished. My friend takes me to meet the chairman in order to find out what are the consequences and remedies.

The chairman had no idea that it rained and quickly erased my name from the list of students who failed to deliver. He asked for a moment to discuss with the committee. He returned with a list of remedies for me to select from. Sort of reading a reviewing select books

Here, my lucid dream took over and I’m boasting that I have read all the books in the lists and there is no point for me to go ahead with such a punishment.

Things turned to the worst and the chairman is scribbling more items on the list and more conditions to meet.

I can’t read his handwriting and my friend tells me that we find the required professors to meet with in the directory.

And so my mind is boiling and I’m ready to go search for a gun to blow the balls of the suggested professors.

I forced myself to get out of this violent dream. Time to piss, get a can of beer and smoke a cigarette in order to cool down and hate my self for this lousy upbringing that didn’t bring me but shame and isolation.

I decide to note down my dream: I barely remember dreams.

I’m watching the channel ARTE: a documentary on the detente or conscious relaxation in these busy days at work.

I liked the method of hanging in closed multicolored hammocks, wrapped inside as an egg for 10 minutes.

I usually don’t feel that I slept if not accompanied with dreams, even if occasionally I slept 8 hours with no interruption.


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

December 2021
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