Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘falling in love

Wild night dreaming

Dream. Dreaming. Night dream. Daydreaming…Wilder than real life adventures , and by far.

parallel life: Extravagant, detailed, passionate, creative, limitless in potential and capability…

Gravity?  How heavier than earth you like it to be?

The ultimate in oppression, in feeling down to earth, in inertia…

I get up and feel unable to reintegrate bed.

I have got to do anything but Not going back to this heavy dream.

In real life I don’t  recall how a person a shook hand with was dressed or fathom his character.

But in dreams, I see and meet hundreds of total strangers, and I am able to dress every one of them according to their character, and create multitude of facial features…

Where all that creativity came from? Not from my conscious day world.

Gravity? How lighter than earth do you like to feel it?

Feeling the air exercising the proper pressure under you wings, sliding, hovering over mountain tops, valley, speeding like crazy, feeling light, happy, full of expectation; climbing high walls, with bare hands, effortlessly, much faster than cats and lizards…

Noises, morning clapping trying to get me out of my lovely dream, and I refuse to acknowledge that it is time to face the “real life”.

How do you dare claim that my dreaming period is not as real, is not the wonderful possible life, my life, my expectations, my power…?

Older people, hard of hearing, dim in the eyes, decrepit

Just hanging on to life, to the living, just to experience another dozing dream, another night dream…

Laying down on this “balcony of a bed“, a relaxing long chair, eyes closed, excited for a new story adventure, capabilities rejuvenated, limitations vanishing in thin air…

All is possible, youth, a reincarnated life of what it should have been…

Hanging on to life to see the grandchildren and children?  Common, get real. 

Children make themselves scarce and you have been forgotten long time ago.

No, elder people grab to life for another dream story adventure:  The real life when the other stupid “real life” gave up on you, and turned you down, and trampled your dignity, smashed all your wishes and expectations…

Many older people are visited by the those who passed away in their night dreams

Dream. Dreaming. Far out.

A parallel life: Extravagant.

The real life? Got to agree, sooner or later, that dreaming is the true lullaby that your mother failed to sing to you, tacking you in bed…

Night dreams exhibit the most horror events that your day imagination could never fathom. Blood, plenty of blood, plenty of dirt, the dirtiest WC you could never imagine, slaughter hood, the Horror…

And you are doing your best to get out of this nightmarish dream. And you wake up trembling and shaking in total disbelief.

I bet most of those who die in their sleep had dreamt of a totally horror story that their heart could Not overcome.

No, night dreams are Not a “closure” or a filling of your conscious day activities and thinking.

No, night dreams are meant to equalize and re-balance your emotions in your conscious behaviors: They are meant to contradict and opposed your conscious self in order to regain a semblance of middle ground behaviors for adapting to reality in our survival instinct..

If you were overjoyed during the day, the night dream will give you another sader alternative to this emotion.

If you were totally down during the day and feeling helpless, the night dream will extend to you a much better attitude and happier emotions.

Why everything, every adventure is possible in dreams, except falling in Love? 

This split-second realization that “This is it!”.

Maybe I never fell in love in order to dream it? What a pity.

Falling in love must be the concentration of a life experiences, observations, feelings, knowledge…What a pity!

Except falling in love, everything else is in the realm of dreaming, a much livelier, colorful, exciting alternative powerful life.

What a pity!

No problem: I can fall in love in my daydreaming adventures.

Is falling in love, the ultimate in masochism?

« L’amour est masochiste.

Ces cris, ces plaintes, ces douces alarmes, cet état d’angoisse des amants, cet état d’attente, cette souffrance latente, sous-entendue, à peine exprimée,

Ces mille inquiétudes au sujet de l’absence de l’être aimé, cette fuite du temps, ces susceptibilités, ces sautes d’humeur,

Ces rêvasseries, ces enfantillages, cette torture morale où la vanité et l’amour-propre sont en jeu, l’honneur, l’éducation, la pudeur,

Ces hauts et ces bas du tonus nerveux, ces écarts de l’imagination, ce fétichisme, cette précision cruelle des sens qui fouaillent et qui fouillent,

Cette chute, cette prostration, cette abdication, cet avilissement, cette perte et cette reprise perpétuelle de la personnalité, ces bégaiements, ces mots, ces phrases, cet emploi du diminutif, cette familiarité,

Ces hésitations dans les attouchements, ce tremblement épileptique, ces rechutes successives et multipliées, cette passion de plus en plus troublée, orageuse et dont les ravages vont progressant, jusqu’à la complète inhibition,

La complète annihilation de l’âme, jusqu’à l’atonie des sens, jusqu’à l’épuisement de la moelle, au vide du cerveau, jusqu’à la sécheresse du cœur, ce besoin d’anéantissement, de destruction, de mutilation, ce besoin d’effusion, d’adoration, de mysticisme,

Cet inassouvissement qui a recours à l’hyperirritabilité des muqueuses, aux errances du goût, aux désordres vaso-moteurs ou périphériques et qui fait appel à la jalousie et à la vengeance, aux crimes, aux mensonges, aux trahisons, cette idolâtrie, cette mélancolie incurable, cette apathie,

Cette profonde misère morale, ce doute définitif et navrant, ce désespoir, tous ces stigmates ne sont-ils point les symptômes mêmes de l’amour d’après lesquels on peut diagnostiquer, puis tracer d’une main sûre le tableau clinique du masochisme ? »

Blaise Cendrars – Moravagine

“Wish wilder than in a dream”: How fitting

Dream. Dreaming. Far out. A parallel life: Extravagant, detailed, passionate, creative, limitless in potential and capability…

Gravity?  How many fold heavier than earth you like it to be?

The ultimate in oppression, in feeling down to earth, in inertia… I get up and feel unable to reintegrate bed.

Have got to do anything but going back to this heavy dream.  For example, I am of the type of guys I shake hand with someone and used not to recall how he was dressed or fathom his character.  But in dreams, I see and meet hundreds of total strangers, and I am able to dress every one of them according to their character, and create multitude of facial features…Where all that creativity came from? Not from my conscious world.

Gravity? How many times lighter than earth do you like to feel it?

Feeling the air exercising the proper pressure under you wings, sliding, hovering over mountain tops, valley, speeding like crazy, feeling light, happy, full of expectation; climbing high walls, with bare hands, effortlessly, much faster than cats and lizards… Noises, morning clapping trying to get me out of my lovely dream, and I refuse to acknowledge that it is time to face the “real life”.

How do you dare claim that my dreaming period is not as real, is not the wonderful possible life, my life, my expectations, my power…?

Older people, hard of hearing, dim in the eyes, decrepit… Just hanging on to life, to the living, just to experience another dozing dream, another night dream…  Laying down on this “balcony of a bed“, a relaxing long chair, eyes closed, excited for a new story adventure, capabilities rejuvenated, limitations vanishing in thin air… All is possible, youth, a reincarnated life of what it should have been…

Hanging on to life to see the grandchildren and children?  Get real. 

Children make themselves scarce and you have been forgotten long time ago.  No, elder people grab to life for another dream story adventure:  The real life when the other stupid “real life” gave up on you, and turned you down, and trampled your dignity, smashed all your wishes and expectations…

Dream. Dreaming. Far out. A parallel life: Extravagant.  The real life. Got to agree, sooner or later, that dreaming is the true lullaby that your mother failed to sing to you, tacking you in bed…

Why everything, every adventure is possible in dreams, except falling in Love? 

This split-second realization that “This is it!”.  Maybe I never fell in love in order to dream it? What a pity.

Falling in love must be the concentration of a life experiences, observations, feelings, knowledge…What a pity!

Except falling in love, everything else is in the realm of dreaming, a much livelier, colorful, exciting alternative powerful life.

What a pity!

“But I do not love him…”; (October 14, 2009)             

            A love on and off affair of one of my close relatives got me thinking.  Invariably we all think that we are acute psychologists in interpreting the behavior of others and that we need no formal schooling in that practice. Our reduced life experience enlarges our abstract notions into the realm of truths; but not many would venture into writing an article that smacks of psychology.  My earlier decision to shrink my posts to less than a thousand words will save me many mishaps by lengthy chatting on this peculiar topic.

This fundamental concept dawned on me: Women would instantly marry men they fall in love with, regardless whether love is reciprocated as long as the man is accommodating. Most women are viewed as pragmatic because they prefer to marry men able to provide a comfortable standard of living.  This perception is in the “common sense” category of evidences among men: in most cultures men are the ones expected to make the first moves and ask for the hand of their selected choices and parents have definite say after financial investigation of the targeted family. 

This perception is far from the truth. First, if a woman has the choice between a comfortable provider and the one she loves then she would select the man she loves with no hesitation in most cases.  Fortunately, these moments of choices are rare, simply because either the woman has not yet fallen in love, or the one she loves is not available (basically, unreachable to work diligently on him). Second, the ratio of achiever man combined with an imagination running wild into recounting enchanted stories and projects (that women tend to fall in love with) and the rest of the other kinds of men is pretty abysmal; and thus, women have a puny pool of men to fall in love with among the eligible. 

The perception of women having practical streak is the result of the rare occasions for women to show their fundamental sides. I am not distinguishing between the “independent” and “non-independent” women because the concept of “preferring the man she loves” is a truth for all normal women when the right occasion is available.  One advantage for an independent woman to marrying the man she loves is that she has a wider intellectual and practical range of means to work on her man as long as he is receptive. Mind that I didn’t define an “independent” woman by her economic status of financial self-sufficiency, although that would give the woman a powerful advantage in most cases.  What I mean by an independent woman is the one that was permitted freedom of choices in many sectors of life during her upbringing, or her folks were lenient enough to encourage her to take initiatives and allow her to impose the choices in most instances.  Thus, an independent woman has acquired a flexible and trained mind to investing energy and time at studying her choices and carrying them into satisfactory results.

Allow me to go one step further in matter of truths; a “pragmatic” married woman would never relinquish her God’s given right to seeking the love of her life.  That is why divorces and unhappy houses are so widespread everywhere and in among all cultures.

I would be interested reading studies or stories on attractive enough spinsters, and then discovering the main reasons for them failing to marry.  My hypothesis is that a spinster was in love with a “local” man and the “rich” practical men were not forthcoming or felt that the spinster was not a good actor for sending the right signals as expected of her. I reduced my sample of “attractive enough” spinsters because I feel the attribute “beautiful” is such a strong characteristic for men that no beautiful woman will go unmarried in most cases.  Mind that I will not insists on the characteristics of men simply because a man needs a lifetime to applying Socrates’ dictum “know your own self!”

Women in general do not give words coming from man much weight as evidence for truth; women believe that they have a set of battery of their own lie detectors to verify if a man is saying the truth; they need constant affirmation that the man is behaving correctly in order to control their hold on him.  The best criterion for women to discriminate strong from weak men is to demand from men to pour their heart out and provide total description of their status, life, and inclinations; women insist on their men to tell everything: implicitly, to convince men that they believe in their words; but this is the most important first test. 

If men fall into that trap and divulge everything then they have lost the war already; women want strong men and those men who tell them everything are categorized as weak in character and useless to protect them or to fall in love with them.  Those men who failed this critical test and succumbed to weakness should never expect the woman to fall in love with him even if she decided to marry him; in this case she loves to play mother.  The woman who marries such a “weak” man has fundamentally no real interest in men but prefer this front to save further exacerbations with constant wowing and pressures from men.

No, it is not an undertone power struggle for the search of a weak man to dominate because women naturally want to be the leaders in the family and they would ultimately grab that power with minimum determination.  All that women want from men is to constantly tell them what women like to hear and to hell with the truth which they can always discover with their own array of lie indicators and detectors. Men should master the techniques for perfect confident lie stories that women love to hear as long as they never forget to compliment them frequently and act very devoted to them.

            Consequently, a word of advice for grown up men, those who didn’t marry in their mid twenties: dig into whatever intuitive power you have to feel whether the girl of your choice may fall in love with you.  Rushing mindlessly and immediately into investing energy, time, and resources to just wowing her is a typical man’s weakness.  Now, if your intuition was high jacked by an evil spirit into believing that the love of your life is indeed in love with you, then the next step is to discourage your girl from meeting with comfortable providers by any means available. 

            All these suggestions are for just the practical situation of getting married.  Living happily is a totally another issue and I am no redundant prophet.  Simply remember what I said of woman’s single uncompromising faith of her God’s given right “to falling in love with a man once in her lifetime”. The harshest instances for me are being under constant investigation: Being forgotten in a gulag is a more tenable alternative for me.

 

Note: this post is a re-edited version of my prior “She let go of her suitor” written in November 17, 2007 


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adonis49

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