Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘happiness

Attempted suicide stories

Suicides never helped the living to have a better chance in this world.

Natalie Marie Moody. June 17 at 12:55 PM 
I tried to kill myself 2 years and a few days ago. There is no nice way to say that.
Today, I am where I need to be.
Two years ago, I was where I needed to be.
I was an insecure, close minded, alone and confused mixed girl with no one to relate to and no value for my life.
Today, I’m here now.
Rooted, driven,confident, joyful, black ✊🏽, alive and free.
If you happen to be where I was 2 years ago, remember: great reward often comes from losing everything/everyone you thought you needed and being pushed over a few more times, after you have had enough.
I picked myself back up and I know that it took me 29 years of being phenomenal for me to realize how phenomenal I am.
You will find yourself. Give yourself another chance
How you nurse your wounds after being pushed down determines how those wounds will heal.
My dad always used to say, “We appreciate more when we are required to do some actual work, babygirl, and those logs aren’t gonna haul themselves inside and down the stairs to that wood burner.”
cheers to growth, cheers to hard work and cheers to being alive my friends*
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Courtney Wise. June 23 at 11:08 PM
My grandpa to the right passed away at WakeMed due to a failed suicide attempt on grandparent’s Day last year, where me and my dad found him and had to go through a situation I would never wish on anybody.
My grandpa to the left is covid positive with multiple comorbidities, currently fighting for his life at a small hospital. He is not currently intubated, but because of his respiratory status we are leaning more towards having to put him on the vent in order to get him the hell out of that hospital (central harnett).
We are having a hard time trying to get him transferred to another hospital because they will only take him if we intubate and a lot of the beds are supposedly full…
And him being 82 years old and covid positive we wanted intubation to be a last resort.
Due to extreme confusion from the hypoxia, unfamiliar environment, isolation and probably many other factors, they have been giving him MANY sedatives including ones that could affect his respiratory and cardiac status as well as he is still PHYSICALLY restrained now for the second day …
I’ve had to beg for stuff that should’ve been done without me having to ask.
He was off the cardiac monitor in an ICU setting even though he was restrained and on bipap.
The excuse was that “he was pulling it off”…..
I’m sorry, but a PHYSICALLY/MEDICALLY restrained patient cannot pull off a cardiac monitor, so that was completely unacceptable.
Also the fact that he was discharged from my own workplace not once, but twice with how bad he was feeling is absolutely disgusting.
The no visitors policies and inaccurate communication has my mind racing with concerns of being able to ADVOCATE for our elderly population and provide EXCELLENT HOLISTIC care to them!
With all this happening within the last 9 months, I have had a really hard time this week processing things and trying to make decisions.
I love him so much and he has always brought so much joy and happiness to my life. I just want him to feel better❤️
Image may contain: 3 people, people standing, shoes, sunglasses and outdoor
Poy De Lara. April 26
(I re-edited this poem)
Who are the people you’re happy to be with?
Where’s the places you’re most happy to live in?
What are the things that make you happy?
What were the circumstances that made you ecstatic as a child?
What activities  and hobbies are fun for you?
Is there something special that you wanna do?
How do you describe your feeling of happiness?
Imagine all your cherished material things are gone
Are you likely to be in despair, be a lonely one?
Where do you find true happiness?
Are you looking at all the wrong places?
Is Happiness a choice, and Not a result as you hear
That you can be happy, up, or down come what may
Happiness has always been with you, you just don’t dare find it inside you
Look around you and count your blessings
True happiness? Can it be but inside your heart?
(I have read that Happiness is a modern notion, invented after the French Revolution)
Do invent your own happiness.
Do your due diligence.

Is it a Modern idea? Happiness. A term spread around like cheese cake

Note: Re-edit of “Happiness is a modern idea? What the ancient philosophers were talking about…? Sept. 21, 2012”

In 1794, the young and radical French revolutionary Saint-Just proclaimed at the Convention: “Happiness is a new idea in Europe“.

Saint-Just was a learned man and must have read the documents and discussions of the leaders of the American Revolution and the concept that happiness is a natural right for every citizen. Was this idea of happiness similar to the one understood in Europe?

After the French Revolution, there were ideas thrown around that all citizens were entitled to eat properly, enjoy health, free time for leisure, appropriate retirement conditions…

What substituted for Happiness in Europe before the French Revolution?

Before the revolution, the little people were invisible and were of no concern to the nobility in these absolute monarchies, except when famine hits and the power feels the heat…

The ancient philosophers and the succeeding thinkers viewed happiness as “a way of living”, guided by virtue and reason, in relative indifference to material possession and worldly successes.

It was out of the question that idiots can be considered to be happy

It was not conceivable to claim happiness if you believed that it could have an end: Happiness was a concept directly linked to a faith in eternity and immortality.

Happiness was irreducibly an elitist acquisition, reserved for those who had the mental and material means to become wise and leisurely contemplate nature and the living people…

What could be the meaning and value of Happiness in modern time?

The “utilitarian” vision of happiness (Jeremy Bentham) proclaimed that happiness is in essence the absence of pains and aches, and the satisfaction of individual preferences can come in any order…The goal of the activities of individuals is the greater happiness possible within the greater number of mankind “the common good”.

This “democratization” of happiness, at the reach of the little people, was denuded of its sacred meanings, detached of its religious connotations, not opposite to ephemeral and artificial pleasures…

Like what kinds of modern pleasures?

Smoking marijuana, taking cocaine, morphine, hallucinogenic products, Prozac…watching action movies, scary movies, science fiction movies…all kinds of musics, concerts, all kinds of variety of food, visiting remote regions, seeing new cultures and civilization…wearing variety of clothes…engaging in a variety of physical activities and sports…

The German philosopher Kant tried to demonstrate that happiness bears No Moral meaning.

For example, there are so many objective desires that people aspire to, such as wealth, glory, power…Can we agree that these “values” are at best controversial and not evident to the little people? So many exploiters and tyrants have been swimming in happiness

How happiness was characterized before the French revolution?

1. Epicure (341-270 BC) taught in his Garden to oppose the rigor of stoicism, and to converge toward a moral of moderation “Let’s not jump into any kinds of pleasure…There is no agreeable living without a hefty dose of prudence, honesty and justice…”

2. Seneca (4 BC-65) The individual should be capable of combining reason and character in order to find pleasure from his physical faculties “I am after happiness of man and not of his stomach…”

3. Leibniz (1646-1716): “Evil exists. Considering Creation as a whole, God did his best…The grain suffer in the soil before bearing fruits…Our suffering lead the way to the good, to the greater perfection…”

4. Spinoza (1632-1677): “The essence of mankind is the desire to be happy, to live good, and to act good…The only access to happiness is to know what determine our passions in the natural order of the universe…”

And what are the visions of happiness after 1789?

5. John Stuart Mill (1806-1873). All the pleasures are Not of equal values. It is better to be an unhappy Socrates rather than a happy imbecile. Individual happiness is not complete if the common good is forgotten and neglected…

6. Nietzsche (1844-1900): “Who cannot learn to take a break to forget the past, to enjoy the moment, will never appreciate happiness, and will never learn how render others happy…There is a level of insomnia, of rumination, and of historical meaning that ruin the living person and annihilate his happiness…”

7. Georges Bataille (1897-1962): “If happiness is a reaction to the call of desire, and if desire is a caprice incarnate…then happiness is the sole moral value…”

8. Michel Foucault (1926-1962): “Abstinence that leads to individual sovereignty is happiness without desire and without trouble…”

Many modern critiques and thinkers made it a business (publishing books of how to be happy…) to fall back into the archaic version of “learning to be happy…”

Kind of  “if we know how to enjoy life in the cheapest way possible…” happiness can be in the reach of everyone…(except those dying of famine and of common diseases…?)

All that talks of ancient and modern ideas of happiness have no sense if not described and explained within the proper context of the period and culture.

For example:

1. How an individual with a life expectancy of no more than 30 years can conceive of happiness?

2. How an individual living in the harshest conditions to survive may experience happiness?

3. How the European under absolute monarchies and with a life expectancy not surpassing 40 years could comprehend the idea of happiness?

4. How all those cow-boys of the Far West experienced the meaning of happiness?

5. Was happiness the same before, during and after the Chinese revolution?

6. Was happiness experienced in the same quality before, during and after the British dominion of India?

7. Has happiness the same meaning and value before and after the “Industrial Age“?

8. Has happiness the same meaning and value during this instant communication and traveling facilities?

9. Don’t you think as life expectancy reaches 80 years that happiness requires extensive planning and preparation as we hit retirement age?

What can you do with your life without talent after 60?

How can you be happy if your eyesight goes and your hearing capacity dwindle?

The next article intends to describe the feasibility of experiencing “happiness” within the proper context…

Note: Post inspired from a study by Ruwen Ogien in the French weekly Le Nouvel Observateur #2490

An overlooked secret to effectiveness (and happiness)

Knowing where ‘enough’ is.

More might be better for awhile, but sooner or later, it can’t always be better.

Diminishing returns are the law, not an exception.

If we look to advertisers, marketers, bosses, doctors, partners and suppliers to tell us when we’ve reached ‘enough’, we’re almost certainly going to get it wrong.

It’s okay to stop when you’re happy.

Is more always better? Sometimes, only better is better…

[Chip asked a friend, a professional, how does he know when to stop making things better. His answer, “when my budget runs out,” is a sad commentary on how some of us think about ‘enough’.

It might let you off the hook, but as a professional, isn’t the hook where you want to be?]

“Happiness is Not my job” April 27, 2010

Am I a redundant citizen?

So far, I was not killed in wars,

Civil wars, earthquakes, or road kill.

What now? What am I to do with my life?


Years ahead of me undulating

Unlimited sea to the pelican;

Is my future already traced

A duck drawn on a class board?


Am I to express my dreams in whisper

And groping around

Or am I to let my dreams run down

Rubber liquid, glue seeping off equatorial trees?


I am a crackling wall, I am crumbling

Masons, builders fetch a stone

Prop me up quick

Glacier warming up, cliffing;

Let in virgin forest fresh air

My chest is compressed, poisoned in filth and despair;


I wish badly my many motherlands

Turnover as fast as nude dancers;

Crows swooping away

A pair of wings for a kingdom

I want to visit the dying

I want to turn time around

A child carelessly putting fire to his world


Years passed by

Didn’t play with a toy

Didn’t grab a blanket

Didn’t cry for a shattered land.

Note:  A few images borrowed from the late Syrian poet Mohammad al Maghout.

Mid-30s females who hate being told in lack of happiness

“Mid-30s, female, single, no children and living in the western world:

I’ll tell you what I’m really missing. What I’m really missing is a society that stops telling me what I lack in happiness.”

It was a glorious day. In fact, it was so glorious that I couldn’t help but wonder whether I’d accidentally gate-crashed a film set.

The warm spring sun was shining, the flower arrangements were delicately fitting. And my friend simply looked stunning. In her wedding gown. She seemed so happy. And I was so happy for her.

Just before the ceremony was about to start, I lined up with my friends at the bar to get some bubbly. I started chatting to another guest. We talked about how we got to know the bride, and how beautiful the venue was. Then suddenly she asked: “So where did you get married?”

I said: “I’m not married.”

You know that split second when someone hesitates in responding to something you said? As if you just told them you kill kittens for a living? Yeah, that. She gave me that.

And then she just went: “Oh.” And wandered off.

And I was left standing there, prosecco in hand, stunned.

Then I realized I had a problem. A huge problem. I’m in my mid-30s. But I’m not married. And I don’t have kids. So far I haven’t felt so bad about that… But maybe I was wrong.

I realize I should probably sound more apologetic when I tell people I’m not married.

Perhaps I should try a bit harder to make those around me less embarrassed when they meet me. I’m a disgrace. I’m a single lady. I was about to get drunk on lots of prosecco. I’m always the wedding guest — not the bride. And I don’t even own a cat.

What is the world to do with me? What shall I do with myself?

At the time, I just shrugged and went back over to my friends. I told them about the “oh” incident, and we laughed about it.

But the next day, with the wedding over and the world appearing without that romantic filter again, I got angry.

Because that “oh” wasn’t just the careless “oh” of some thoughtless person. No. It was a little more. It was not the first time I — or some of my girlfriends — had come across that “oh.” We’ve all heard it plenty of times. That slightly muted expression of pity, of concern: She’s not married? What is wrong with her?

Let’s see. I’m happy. Some days more than others. But I’m generally happy.

Never before in my life have I so truthfully felt that way. What a gift. Also: I’m healthy. And I feel loved. My family is there for me. Always. I have good friends who would do anything for me, as I would for them.

I like my job. I enjoy what I do every day. Some days more than others. And I meet men. I go on dates.

I enjoy this. Some days more than others. I’m in sync with my age. I’m grateful for all the experiences I’ve had — good and bad. I feel like a stronger woman because of them.

(Not many married females can boast a couple of these privileges)

Dare I say it? There’s probably nothing seriously wrong with me.

But thinking this through, I’m realizing I might actually have a problem after all — albeit a different one than people think.

I do in fact have a problem with people assuming that there is something wrong with me. Because these are mostly people who blatantly do not live up to their own standards.

Many of us like to see ourselves as very liberal people.

We accept sexual relationships before marriage; we admire independent and successful women. We know that you can have kids well beyond the age of 40. We fought for same-sex marriage.

We know that monogamous relationships are not the be-all and end-all of a life filled with love.

We know that “forever and ever” should maybe not be taken too literally in a country that has high divorce rates.

We are accepting — and in fact, encouraging — of so many different lifestyles, like never before. Which is great. Would anyone wish to live in another decade? Didn’t think so.

Yet we still have a problem with unmarried women. (And worse with unmarried man)

Because a society in which an unmarried woman in her 30s seems worthy of an astonished “oh” suddenly doesn’t seem so liberal after all. Which makes me wonder how liberal we really are towards all these different lifestyles.

When that wedding guest gave me that pitiful look, I could almost sense her scanning me for some fault. What’s wrong with her, she seemed to be checking.

Nothing’s wrong with us single ladies. We are fabulous — that much Sex and the City has taught us. And being fabulous has nothing to do with being in a relationship or not.

A relationship, a marriage even, is not the ne plus ultra of all lifestyles. On the contrary: I’ve never been as unhappy as I’ve been in an unhappy relationship. Loneliness in pairs is the worst kind of loneliness.

Mid-30s, female, single. I’ll tell you what I’m really missing. What I’m really missing is a society that stops telling me what I lack in happiness. This, it seems to me, is the true problem.

A Message to Humanity: Charlie Chaplin’s Iconic Speech, Remixed

From the same remix artist who brought us yesterday’s Alan Watts meditation on the meaningful life comes “A Message for all of Humanity”

A mash up of Charlie Chaplin’s famous speech from The Great Dictator and scenes of humanity’s most tragic and most hopeful moments in recent history, spanning everything from space exploration to the Occupy protests, with an appropriately epic score by Hans Zimmer.

 posted this Nov. 30, 2013

“We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery.”

I’m sorry but I don’t want to be an emperor. That’s not my business. I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone.

I should like to help everyone if possible; Jew, Gentile, black men, white. We all want to help one another.

Human beings are like that. We want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery.

We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone.

And the good earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way.

Greed has poisoned men’s souls; has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.

We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want.

Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little.

More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The aero-plane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in man; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all.

Even now, my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.

To those who can hear me, I say “Do not despair.” The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress.

The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.

Soldiers! Don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel!

Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder! Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men—machine men with machine minds and machine hearts!

You are not machines! You are not cattle! You are men! You have a love of humanity in your hearts! You don’t hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural.

Soldiers! Don’t fight for slavery! Fight for liberty! In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it’s written “the kingdom of God is within man”, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you!

You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness!

You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power.

Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security.

By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power. But they lie! They do not fulfill their promise. They never will!

Dictators free themselves and they enslave the people! Now let us fight to fulfill that promise!

Let us fight to free the world!

To do away with national barriers!

To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance!

Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.

Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!

Many rooms for Happiness (January 29, 2009)

1.      Happiness is: good health short on memory (Ingrid Bergman)

2.      There are pieces always missing in happiness (Bossuet)

3.      It is difficult to find happiness within us; it is impossible elsewhere. (Buddha)

4.      Happiness requires talent; misfortune none (Cocteau)

5.      When you swim in happiness don’t forget keeping a toe on firm ground (Escayrol)

6.      Happiness is not acquiring nor enjoying; it is not desiring to be free (Epictetus)

7.      Happiness is the blues at rest (Leo Ferre)

8.      Happiness is kid’s dream realized in adulthood (Sigmund Freud)

9.      Happiness is rarely current (Gusdorf)

10.  Happiness is attention to details (Liu Hiang)

11.  Happiness is not of reason but of imagination. (Emmanuel Kant)

12.  Happiness is to resume desiring what we already have.(Saint Augustine)

13.  Two serve happiness: faith and love (Charles Nodier)

14.  The largest room in the House of Happiness is the waiting room (Jules Renard)

15.  Happiness doubles every time we share it. (Albert Schweitzer)

16.  Do not proclaim a person happy before he dies (Sophocles)

17.  I have decided to be happy: it is great for health (Voltaire)

18.  Happiness is learning to enjoy solitude (Adonis49)

19.  If you can’t be happy then scrap Heaven: we enjoy what we know. (Adonis49)

20.  Cultivate your garden: happiness is sprouting (Adonis49)

21.  Are you a survivor? Stop searching: you are wrapped with Happiness (Adonis49)

22.  Give me fairness; I’ll be happy for both of us (Adonis49)

You want happiness? Manage your nerves. (November, 10, 2008)


There are three ways to burn energy; on your nerves, your muscles and your brain cells.  I knew subconsciously that the first way is my nemesis which siphoned every drop of energy from me.  Almost 60 years later or until last year I realized that my decisions were guiding me to be relieved of jobs and activities that were nerve consuming.  I focus now on works that require physical and mental activities.  Yes, I hate regular money earning jobs; the thought of a regular job repulse me.  I am working 16 hours a day and do not feel that tired.  I work my garden, I read, write, review books, and publish on  I drive within a couple of miles from home, no traffic jams, no time wasted on the roads, no hard looks, no internal jockeying politics, no orders to receive from redundant bosses, and no forced meetings.  I pay visits three mornings a week a nearby public library; it is very quiet; I am the only fool to patronize libraries; I read all kinds of new manuscripts and magazines and borrow books too.  The library has a nice almost wild garden and Rita or Mary offer me Nescafe with cookies. 

The general impression around me is that I am useless and that I have wasted my life and didn’t make good use of my professional learning or potentials within the paradigm of the fast pace dictum.  I certainly ended up without money, I didn’t build a house and I didn’t marry but finally I have happiness in my heart. So far, I am inclined to believe that I will get my daily bread. One day, I was totally broke and then I won $1000 in the lotto; I paid my yearly fees to the library and my dues to the Order of Engineers and thus secured my health insurance. Once, I needed to submit to a surgery and I asked wealthy contractor money to cover the extra expenses; I didn’t even say it would be a loan or promised to return the money; I just needed the money and I got it.

I wake up early happy, I work in the tiny garden happy, I read happy and I write happy.  I take naps and enjoy my night sleep.  I realized that what I read I didn’t know, what I knew made sense, what made sense are now part of me and I write about all that and disseminate it.  I am no recluse by choice: when I am invited for a hiking trip or an almost free night out then I am ready; I do enjoy a change in the environment and mingling and observing people.

The saddest part is that I feel sad about the people surrounding me who think that I am miserable and might not be a pleasant company to be around because I don’t care for a regular job and cannot afford to go out.  All this is happening when I feel much more open minded and that sharing my joy with a knowing companion or a friend with free time to spend then it would triple my joy!  The problem is that the process of finding a companion should be a nerve wracking endeavor and the odds of her sharing my “lethargic” happy state are pretty slim.  Heck, if I was in the tripling business in the first place I would have committed suicide after the latest Wall Street crash!




January 2021

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