Adonis Diaries

Here’s a question from a recent workshop participant. “How do you handle someone complaining about a co-worker?”

First, you want people to come to you. Some managers want challenges, problems, and people to go away. They hide in their offices, sneak to the elevator, or duck into the restroom to avoid facing tough conversations.

By Dan Rockwell?

Suggestions for dealing with co-worker complaints:

1. Ask the complainer, “What can you do to solve this?” Some complainers want you to solve their problem. That’s a last resort. Savior-managers create irresponsible employees.
2. The complainer may say, “I don’t know what I can do.” Say, “Why don’t you come back this afternoon with some ideas?”
3. Develop a strategy to deal with the issue. If you can’t, try number four.
4. Invite the person being complained about to a meeting to discuss the issue. You’ll be surprised that issues have several sides.
5. Focus on issues and performance rather than personalities, unless personality is the problem.
6. Take small steps in positive directions, don’t expect giant leaps. Identify observable behaviors. If you can’t see it, you can’t measure it.
7. Follow up. “Let’s get together in two weeks to follow up.”

More suggestions:

1. Withhold judgment.
2. Never take sides.
3. Clarify, is it personal or performance. It’s often personal.
4. Warning, backstabbers are masters at seeming helpful while being destructive.

Bonus tip: When you bring the two parties together and one of them had no idea there was a problem, you’re dealing with a backstabber. Excuse the one who’s in the dark and deal with the real issue.

Most importantly: Deal with interpersonal tensions because relationships are worth it.

Read what Facebook contributors added: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop

You’re great at doing but are you great at connecting? I’m still blown away by Henry Mintzberg’s one word of advice, “Connect.”

Business stresses and people tensions result in unhappy, disengaged staff unless leaders model and encourage connecting. Meaningful relationships break the grip of distrust, disengagement, and fear.

Connecting with others is the secret to success in business and happiness in life.

Continue being great at getting the job done and add connecting to your leadership skills.

Great success: Great success requires great connecting. If you can succeed without out others you aren’t going very far.

You can’t lead people you don’t know and understand.

Connecting tips:

1. Believe connecting is good for business, others, and you. You can’t fake it. Techniques without authenticity create fakers who aren’t trusted and often end tragically.
2. Go to others; don’t wait for them to come to you. Leaders move first.
3. Be fully present. Give the gift of yourself.
4. Engage in small talk. Avoid being so focused on tasks that you ignore people.
5. Give yourself first. Model the type of conversations you’re encouraging in the office.
6. Acknowledge emotional states but avoid subtle put downs. “You seem happy today, what happened.” For example. You might privately say, “You’ve seemed down lately are you okay?”
7. Listen with your eyes. If eye contact is uncomfortable focus on the forehead.
8. Listen with your body. Relax your stance to avoid a, “I have to get going message.” Sit if you can.
9. Show appreciation to everyone regardless of status.

Suggestions from Facebook contributors:

1. Communicate the good and the bad.
2. Put people first.
3. Be yourself.
4. Share without concern for the gain.
5. Show compassion.
6. Have empathy.

See the list of suggestions from Facebook contributors: Leadership Freak Coffee Shop.

How can leaders connect with colleagues, superiors, or subordinates?