Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘Introverts



Introverts drive extroverts crazy. Or should I say, extroverts drive introverts crazy?

“… 65% of senior corporate executives viewed introversion as a barrier to leadership…” (HBR)

The blank stare:

The scariest thing about an introvert is the blank stare that comes over their face when they’re thinking. It looks like displeasure, dislike, even disdain, to an extrovert.

Extroverts are noisy thinkers. They think while they talk. Introverts get quiet.

Introverts intimidate extroverts. It seems like they’re disinterested or resistant when they’re just thinking.

Tips for navigating introversion and extroversion:

  1. Be sensitive to a tendency to over-value extrovert leaders.
  2. Introversion and extroversion aren’t strengths and weaknesses. It’s who you are. (what that means?)
  3. Expect disciplined thought from introverts.
  4. Leverage the listening skills of introverts. Talk less and listen more if you’re an extrovert.
  5. Gather spontaneous ideas from extroverts.
  6. Give introverts time to think things over. A blank stare means they’re thinking.
  7. Extroverts enjoy public praise. Introverts often shun the limelight.

Suggestions for introverts:

I see different numbers for the ratio of introvert to extrovert. But extroverts tend to run the show.

  1. Give yourself recharge-time. Schedule and protect alone-time.
  2. Express your need to think. “Let me think that over. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”
  3. Stretch your collaboration muscles. Avoid dropping final answers on unsuspecting victims.
  4. Beware of frustration and bitterness. People may disappoint you because YOU haven’t expressed what you want.

Introvert advantage:

In a dynamic, unpredictable environment, introverts are often more effective leaders – particularly when workers are proactive, offering ideas for improving the business.

Such behavior can make extroverted leaders feel threatened.

In contrast, introverted leaders tend to listen more carefully and show greater receptivity to suggestions, making them more effective leaders of vocal teams. (Adam Grant, Francesca Gino, David Hoffman)

What suggestions do you have for introverted leaders? extroverted leaders?

What dangers should introverts/extroverts be aware of, when it comes to their natural tendencies?

Note: the same cliche that I heard many times on extrovert and introvert, as if situations and conditions are not major factors in our current behaviors



The way you treat others is the chief culture building influence in your organization.

Lousy leaders act like individual contributors. Incompetent leaders can’t see the impact of their attitudes, words, and actions.

Newton said, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” (Was he being general to that extreme?)

The relationships you enjoy, for example, begin with you.

When you focus on weaknesses and ignore strengths, others build protective walls.

Adversarial leaders invite conflict.

Passive leaders create anxiety.

Teams don’t practice accountability until leaders follow-up and follow-through.

When you confront tough issues with kindness, others have tough conversations with greater confidence.

3 shifts that expand influence:

#1 Shift from who is right to what is right.

In one sense, leadership isn’t personal. The issue is the issue. It doesn’t matter who comes up with solutions. The person who screwed up last week might be this week’s genius.

#2. Shift from talking-at to talking-with.

Engagement requires “with.” The more you talk “at” the more you lose “with.” Talking-with requires humility, honesty, curiosity, openness, and forgiveness.

  1. Humility acknowledges the perspective and strengths of others.
  2. Honesty explains issues without hidden agendas.
  3. Curiosity asks, “What do you think?”
  4. Openness listens and explores. Defensiveness is the end of innovation.
  5. Forgiveness gives second chances after responsible failure. Honor sincere effort. Don’t punish ignorance.

#3. Shift from right and wrong to better.

Most issues are solved with progress. It’s about next steps, not moral imperatives. Stop judging so much. Start cheering more.

Complex issues have more than one answer. Their answer is better than yours, even if it’s not quite as good, because they own it.

Bonus: Shift from punishing to learning.

Treat responsible failure as a learning opportunity and risk is easier. But treat people like tools and you propagate self-serving attitudes.

Carol Dweck says the #1 quality of a growth mindset is learning from failure.

What shifts expand a leader’s influence?

What behaviors short-circuit a leader’s influence?

“I love you, but no more talking”… Only Introverts Understand these emotions

Erin La Rosa posted on  August  5, 2013 on BuzzFeed:
27 Problems Only Introverts Will Understand

1. When you need to take breaks and recharge after socializing for too long.

I’m not antisocial, I swear! I just need to recharge my introvert juices!

2. When people mistake your thoughtful look for resting bitch face.

You like to give thoughtful answers, but sometimes people assume you’re just silently judging them.

3. When your friend wants to invite more people over, and you don’t want to sound like a dick by saying no.

You might even secretly like a little more company, even if it does give you anxiety.

4. When spending a heavenly weekend alone means that you’re missing out on time with friends.

5. And the fear that by doing so, you’re slowly turning into a hermit…

6. Who will likely die alone.

7. Having visitors stay with you is a nightmare, because it means you have to be on at ALL TIMES.

8. When people stop inviting you places because you keep canceling plans.

9. Too many social obligations + no alone time = a total grump.

10. When you’re asked to do a group project, and know that you’re going to hate every minute of it.

11. When your ride at a party doesn’t want to leave early, and no one seems to understand your distress.

12. When you hear this question, and your palms start to sweat with anxiety.

Because the answer is “no,” but you don’t want to hurt their feelings.

13. When you hear, “Are you OK?” or “Why are you so quiet?” for the umpteenth time.

Just because you prefer to listen or only speak up when there’s something important to say.

14. Trying to be extra outgoing when you flirt so your crush doesn’t think you hate them.

Seriously, I just have resting bitch face, it’s not you!

15. That feeling of dread that washes over you when the phone rings and you’re not mentally prepared to chat.

16. When you have to deal with that one friend who ALWAYS wants to hang out, and you ALWAYS have to say this:

17. When you have an awesome night out, but have to deal with feeling exhausted for days after the fact.

18. When people pressure you to be more social, whether you like it or not.

19. When you’re really excited to go out, but those good feelings don’t last long enough.

20. When you’re trying to get something done at work, but you can’t, because everyone else is talking.

21. When someone calls you out for daydreaming too much.

22. When you carry a book to a public place so no one will bug you, but other people take that as a conversation starter.

23. When people make you feel weird for wanting to do things by yourself.

24. When someone interrupts your thoughts, and you get irrationally angry.

25. When people can’t seem to grasp that being in small groups is where you excel the most.

26. And when you need to be completely alone so you can recharge and get back to being awesome.

27. Because even though introverts are misunderstood constantly, you know this to be true:




June 2023

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