Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘Jane or love innuendos

408.  “Canto General” or Pablo Neruda: wilderness, blood, libertad, Americana; (July 23, 2009)


409.  Venomous quotes (July 24, 2009)


410.  You have a complaint? No problem; (July 25, 2009)


411.  Jane or love innuendos (July 25, 2009)


412.  A common sense project taking a life of its own (July 26, 2009)


413.  Dressed in multicolor gala attire (July 27, 2009)


414.  He is a responsible official: I made him so; (July 27, 2009)


415.  “Opus Pistorum” (porno) by Henry Miller; (July 28, 2009)


416.  This rude lacks sense of humor (July 30, 2009)

400.  I need Him a witness (July 14, 2009)


401.  “Thus Spoken J.C” (July 15, 2009)


402.  Sugar for my brain (July 16, 2009)


403.  At will, all Fire (July 17, 2009)


404.  Hating is good for me (July 19, 2009)


405.  I have this urge: Perpetual dawn (July 19, 2009)


406.  Nonsense: it is better being normal (July 20, 2009)


407.  “Beyond, beyong Obama”: Bi-weekly report (#27); (July 21, 2009)


408.  Virgin wilderness, Pablo Neruda, blood, wind, libertad, Americana; (July 23, 2009)


409.  Venomous quotes (July 24, 2009)


410.  You have a complaint? No problem; (July 25, 2009)


411.  Jane or love innuendos (July 25, 2009)


412.  A common sense project taking a life of its own (July 26, 2009)

Jane or love innuendos (July 25, 2009)


            I was signing my latest book at “Barnes & something” somewhere in New York City.  I had decided to transform these utterly boring sessions into enjoyable events for me; fuck the planners and organizers: they were created for wrecking my nerves out of jealousy.  I had decided to invest an average of one minute chatting with every fan who came to visit me at the library.  Gorgeous women were submitted to over three minutes of investigations; women flooded with perfume not to my liking were thanked with a polite smile: it is good business to learn to smiling.

            I recognized a tall figure in the line but I failed to localize the circumstances: time is a vicious enemy and it does affect beauty of the body; I reckon time affects the spirit far worse but people do not comunicate long enough to find out. As her turn came she hesitated for two seconds before giving her name; I sensed that she was hoping that I’ll recall her name too.  She simply said “Jane?”.  It dawned on me like a thunderbolt.

            I roomed at her 90 years old mother while studying at the university. Jane mother was by then a tall, svelt, beautiful, and kind senile woman.  It was not Jane who hired me to stay with her mother, just having someone there close by for emergencies; heck, I was not even paid; I paid rent for a room in a smelly house.  I even had to take so many crap from two of the seven or eight grown up “children” gone for lovelier and greener pastures.  I could have been older than gorgeous Jane but she looked and behaved far more mature: she was no longer a student no matter how high was the degree I was shooting for. 

            I signed “Jane H” and looked up. Jane was surprised and had a slight semi-victorious smile.  She said “Jane H will do”.  I resumed my dedication “It feels stronger when love is shyly declared; no need to insert direct love for expressing friendly felt inclinations.”

            I vividly recall sending Jane a feedback letter on her mother’s conditions; one of the paragraphs was a bare innuendo of love declaration smartly injected within how a mother is missing her girl.  I am devoid of sensibility and lack imagination; with Jane I somehow felt that my mysterious and tumultuous love couched sentence will drive Jane home.  Jane replied a week later reminding me of that paragraph. The next week Jane visited her mother from Santa something, maybe Santa Maria, in Northern California. I would love to get a copy of that paragraph: I must have been a good sneaky writer even then.

            Jane went out on her evening jogging and returned to rub her feet with lotion.  I am crazy with strong large women feet; with athletic galbe. Jane demanded that I join her for a walk.  I dreaded that moment: I knew Jane needed direct and definit answers.  Writing is so much easier than face to face verbal challenges; especially in love matters; especially for me who lacks verbal intelligence.

            In the first few steps Jane rushed right to her point; I valiantly avoided the question; I played it dumb which was not far from reality. I went on to state how confused I was; how I had no idea why I decided to resume my higher education and oh, how miserable I feel.

            After I finished the dedication sentence I looked up at Jane who was beaming with relief from the inside; confirmation of a doubt and revenge are always welcomed emotions. I invited Jane to stay for the dinner party. Jane needed five interminable seconds to nod: closure was overpowering for her: I could live without.  You think that behavior changes with time; I was no longer kiding myself; I knew that my verbal intelligence was deteriorating at a fast pace.  I decided to learn mingling the hard way; I will obey my editor’s representative immidiately. 

            Lilie, the editor’s representative, was a striking beauty and her frequent gazes at me convinced me that definitely we had a date after the official dinner. I told Lilie “I don’t know much of New York by night. I am terribly lazy for planning.  Would you arrange for a night out the two of us? You decide for the location of your predilection”  What else could I say? I forgot the American slang; as so many other formal words.

            Dinner was served in an almost empty restaurant with plenty of space; drinks were reflecting individual moods.  Lilie was greedy with her body heat: she kept her distance from me.  A man with haphasard hair sat by me and was highly interested in the Near East problems. He wanted confirmation that Palestine is the Jewish Homeland.  I replied: “You mean that before Palestine the Jews were living in a no man’s land? That after they were transferred hundreds of years ago they still were living no where?”  The man with crazy hair got heated and blubbered something of a God given or assigned nation for the Jews.  I replied that the concept of nation is a new concept fabricated by the colonial powers to dividing the spoil and fictitiously increasing the number of their citizens by expanding their borders until determined confrontations stabilized the limits. The colonial powers inforced that concept by all kinds of coercive means.  The Zionists ideplogy was an idea of the time and found its expression in Palestine against all odds and by using the colonial ruthless means and with their blessings.

            Jane joined us and grabbed my arm and offered an excuse for an important private matter.  I was glad for the first second and then terribly worried the next second.  Jane claimed that I read minds. I retorted: “I don’t read mind. You speak so loudly to yourself; I can almost hear you.  You speak a “fleur de peau”, kind of at best skin deep”.  Jane said: “Well, were you in love with me?”  I guess I was in the driving seat this evening and in a chatting mood. I replied: “You looked beautiful, healthy, dedicated, and determined. I was relatively ugly, short, confused, miserable, and I needed you.  If I was somehow handsome and tall then I am certain that you would have commanded me to follow you. The handsome guy might not have obeyed but I would have at that time; at least to have the opportunity to travel to California and rediscover the milder weather”.

            Lilie decided to make her move as our body gestures worried her that the conversation might drag on.  Lilie approached with her taquila sunrise glass; I like taquila if you skip the sunrise but my acute thirst asked for a sip.  I had this enginius quick idea (they are many but way delayed after the real time) of selecting the location of Lilie’s purple lipstick stain and had a sip and gently gurgled.  Jane said: “How romantic” I said “I like to spread Lilie’s beneficial germs”.  I made a surreptitious exit with Lilie standing tall; I felt tall that night.


Note: this is mostly a fictitious story.




September 2022

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