Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘jokes

A few jokes attached for former deposed Egypt President Mubarak

Being told that he must write a letter of farewell to the Egyptian People, after being pressured to abdicate, Mubarak responded: “Why, where the Egyptian people is intending to transfer?”
An obstetrician, renowned for delivering twins,  was summoned to meet Mubarak: The president and his chair constituted a single entity.

حكومة مصر استدعت الدكتور الربيعان لفصل مبارك عن كرسي الرئاسة باعتبار الدكتور الربيعة أشهر طبيب عربي متخصص في فصل التوائم.

فتحي سرور طلب من الرئيس حسني مبارك كتابة رسالة وداع للشعب المصري لكن مبارك رد عليه قائلاً ليه ..”هوا الشعب المصري رايح فين”.

اتصل مبارك بإحدى الإذاعات، برنامج “ما يطلبه المستمعون” وأهدى إلى شعبه أغنية “أخاصمك آه…. أسيبك لا”.

اتصل أمس، مبارك بزين العابدين بن علي وقال له : ” ألو وحياة أبوك إذا بتنام بدري خبيلي المفتاح تحت الباب”!

المصريون.. هلكوا القذافي.. قصفوه بالسخرية فدكوا مواقعه وحصونه، ولعل من بين أقوى التصريحات التي خرجت بحق القذافي، تلك التي نقلتها وسائل إعلام عن الفنانة إسعاد يونس، والتي قالت فيها:

“لا لقتل القذافي أو إعدامه.. عايزينه في قفص قزاز صاحي ومعاه سباطة موز وميكروفون.. أمال حانتسلى بإيه في رمضان؟”.

غير أن من بين التعليقات التي انتشرت على الفيسبوك ما ذكره أحدهما: “عزيزي معمر القذافي بالنسبة لمقولتك: أنا لست رئيسا ورجلا عاديا حتى يتم قتلي بالسم.. الرجل العنكبوت مثلا؟”

Counting on you: Tell me if my jokes have tacit issues

It is frustrating for me to describe abstract emotions and moral issues. I feel ridiculous talking seriously on issues that I didn’t experience or are forgotten or can’t recall.

I need to be told personal experiences from others in order to recall or have a handle on what is being asked of me.

This conversation is a fiction, a daydream conversation with myself

She: I don’t know when you’re joking and when you’re serious.

He: As if I know. I’m counting on you.

She: come again, how?

He: When you laugh, it’s probably a joke. When you frown, you ferreted out a serious issue.

She: And you’ll be ready to discuss the issues?

He: No. Maybe your issues. Though it would be useful to know how you discovered and interpreted my supposed issues.

She: So you discuss My lame issues and Not yours.

He: correct. I figured out if we start with mine, you’ll quickly add so many on the list that the backlog will be too traumatic to work on any of them issues.

She: Will make a short priority list.

He: I beg to disagree. I find it more productive to select the easier and more feasible ones.

She: And why you jumped to the conclusion that my priority list is of the heavy guns?

He: We start with the simple ones and surreptitiously you gradually move the hardest to the forefront. I like to leave the hard issues to my next life. Or when age give me an excellent excuse to retire from life difficulties.

She: You certainly love your comfort and won’t take any risks to confront this nasty living of yours.

He: My comfort is to leave me with enough energy to tackles your issues.

She: You jumped to the conclusion that mine are harder than yours.

He: Just untangling your white lies from the darker ones is a full-time job. I’m Not trained for such investigative job of sorting out your ambiguous talks.

She: Not trained? And what you guys have always been doing? Legifering in our name?…

Out of subject matter

Rape jokes weren’t funny.

Until this feminist website made a bunch of them.

Rape jokes can be funny — when the target is rape culture.

By Heather Libby

Something truly unique happened recently on the internet: A comedy website made rape jokes that were actually funny.

Most rape jokes usually have two things in common:

They’re made at the expense of survivors (who are often female), and the jokes are almost exclusively made by men.

Those kind of rape jokes aren’t funny to a lot of people, though. For survivors and allies, they can resurface buried trauma.

For women, they can be a reminder that 1 in 3 of us will be sexually assaulted in our lifetimes.

And, let’s be real: For comedy in general, they’re pretty darn lazy.

As Garry Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) famously reminded us last year: The best jokes “punch up,” never down.

Noor Khalil shared this link

How to tell a hilarious rape joke without actually laughing at rape.

It’s the difference between making fun of a kid who falls over and making fun of the grown man who tripped him.

Or in this case, making fun of the culture surrounding rape instead of the victims of it.

Reductress is a hilarious, witty, and unapologetically feminist website where writers take on issues like body image, “lady” marketing, fashion, and important moments in culture.

In this case, Reductress was responding to a story that’s reverberated through the New York comedy community this month.

Basically, anonymous female comedians who reported sexual assaults from another male comedian were met not with support. Instead, they were faced with doubt, insults, and even deeply offensive jokes at their expense.

For Reductress’ all-female editorial board, enough was enough.

On Aug. 17, 2016, Reductress published article after article full of jokes about rape.

By the evening, they had filled the entire homepage.

The stories weren’t full of the typical and incredibly hurtful jokes that we often hear, though.

Instead, the jokes pointed out common tropes and misconceptions about rape, hitting on all the issues that are oh-so-familiar to sexual assault survivors and their allies.

For example:

If you’re tired of hearing that women are “lying about rape to get attention,” reading “I Anonymously Reported My Rape for the Anonymous Attention” might feel pretty cathartic.

If you’re sick of the reminder that most survivors of sexual assault know their attacker personally,Man who sexually assaulted you likes your Facebook Post about assault” will ring agonizingly true.

 

Delicious jokes: From Jeha the Arab, Abul Hosn, Khodja the Turkish, Mullah Nasr Din of Iran, Jahan of Malta, Jourka of Sicily… Part 2

Almost every culture has its own Jeha, representing the common people attitudes and social behavior. These practical jokes and naïve adventure immortalize the spirit of the people.

The Arab Empire civilization had its Jeha, who probably was named Dujayn ibn Thabit Yarbu3i and was born in Basra from the tribe of Fazara.

Jeha was the contemporary of caliphs Abu Jaafar, Mahdi and Harun Rashid.

1. A man farted visiting Jeha and banged on the chair to tone down the sound of it. Jeha said “And what about the odor?”

2. Jeha’s mother-in-law was carried away in the river current. Jeha ascended to the source saying “I know her pretty well: She is of  the contrarian kind

3. Jeha is taking a night walk “I am looking for my sleep”

4. Jeha’s two spouses are harassing him “Who do you love best? If we were drowning, who will you save first…?” Jeha looked at his oldest wife and said “You can swim. Can’t you?”

5. Jeha bought a dead hawk for a single dinar “It would cost me 100 dinars if it were alive”

6. “How the moon is pretty. Particularly at night”

7. The helper hawking Jeha’s bag of flour run away with the bag. Jeha saw the helper the next day and hides from him “I didn’t want him to remind me to pay for his services

8. The dead man woke up in the coffin and said to Jeha “I am alive”, and Jeha to reply “And you want me to believe you, while everyone else believe otherwise?”

9. “The moon is more useful than the sun: It illuminates the nights

10. Jeha bought 2 kilos of meat and was expecting a delicious supper when back home. The wife said: “The cat ate the meat”. Jeha weighted the cat and finds it unchanged. Jeha says: “I got 2 kilos. Where is the cat

11. Jeha maintained that he was 40 years old, no matter how older he got “A well bred person never recant on his word”

12. Two complained to jeha separately and told each one: “I give you reason”. Jeha’s wife was obfuscated and treated him of hypocrisy. Jeha replied “And you wife, I give you reason too”

13.Jeha was invited to dinner and arrived in tattered garment. He was kicked out. Jeha returned wearing his best attire and was welcomed. Sitting to eat, Jeha advanced his right sleeve to the dish saying: “Eat. You are the one welcomed here

14. A beggar knocked at jeha’s door saying “I am God’s host”  Jeha led the beggar to the nearest Mosque and said: “Buddy, you had lost your way and forgot the address.”

15. Jeha misplaced his hatch in the forest and the night was not helping find his tool. He paid a visit to the shrine of saint Abdel Qadir al Jilani, known to aid people find misplaced items. “Let me find my hatch and I’ll contribute 20 dinars to your shrine”  Jeha recovered his hatch and returned to the shrine “Now, help me find the 20 dinars…”

Note: An extract from the French book “The Book of Arab Humor” by Jean-Jacques Schmidt


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