Adonis Diaries

She Says, He Says (1998)

1.   All right, communication research

Has gone a long way to resolving

A most frustrating, untenable balance

Between the sexes.

He says, she says can be explained

By the connection/status bipolar between genders:

She is seeking connection and support in conversation.

She knits webs of small networks

Of friends; small but very close.

He is jockeying for status:  Who’s one up

And who’s one down in the hierarchy.

He likes to speak to captive audiences.

2.   She likes to convey images of dependence,

Of understanding, of relating to others.

He likes to provide information and solutions.

He likes to project images if independence

And freedom of choices.

He is most able in telling stories.

They say the difference in perspectives is

Acquired learning.

It seems true.

Let me dare advance that

This acquired learning is

Premeditated to compensate for the

Genetic superiority of women.

3.   Men have always known,

From the beginning of time,

Who is the master and the rock.

How women manage to do it

Was the mystery.

Men knew it

But refused to acknowledge it.

The more men were sure of that knowledge

The angrier they were,

The more restricting the rules,

The stiffer the punishments.

4.   Why women are superior to men

Is a taboo subject.

I am telling you:

Women think long-term and act short.

She sets her goal and works steadfastly

Laying one brick at a time,

Building the most intricate plan.

5.   Skip the research and save your hard earned money.

Tell me:

Why men feel awkward, dazed and puzzled

When their peers heap on them glories

Of dreams come true?

False assumptions,

False glories.

Dreams are too long-term to be true to men.

Man has been saying over and over again that

Behind a great man is a woman.

Planning for him, for her goal.

6.   All right, we have been studying the mechanisms

Of conversation between women, men

And mixed men and women groups.

The connection/status dimension

Explains beautifully most of the misinterpretations

In communication between the sexes.

Sure, no one is going to change

His communication behavior because

He does know how it works.

Sure, no one is going to change

His planning behavior simply because

He does now know the basics.

7.   Say “I love you” more than once.

Say “I like you” more often.

True or false, just say it.

Who cares for more grieves,

When an extra moment of happiness is handy?

It is but one life that we live.

Yes, we are all seeking interdependence

In different shades and flavors.