Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘long-term relationship

Managing is more than processes and procedures; it’s people.

Successful managers bring out the best in others.: Management and leadership are about coaching around performance.” John Baldoni

By Dan Rockwell?

My conversation with author, speaker, and executive coach, John Baldoni, covered everything from what’s wrong with leadership to the good side of office politics. John has an amazing breadth of experience and expertise.

Manager as coach:

Coaching rises to the top of leadership skills in organizations that value participation rather than command and control.

Coaching is about long-term relationships.” John Baldoni

John suggests manager-coaches begin with three questions:

  1. What does my employee want? Uncover motivation. Do they want development, promotion, opportunity? All employees strive for recognition.
  2. What is stopping my employee from achieving her objectives? Everyone has blind spots and behaviors that hold them back.
  3. What can I do to help my employee become more successful? Sometimes you’ll challenge. Other times, you’ll be a cheerleader.

Coaching Tips for managers:

  1. Coaches don’t do the work for others.
  2. Schedule regular sessions.
  3. Stay performance focused.
  4. Deal with one challenge at a time.
  5. Keep the tone positive and conversational.
  6. Assess the process. How are you doing as a coach? How is the person doing?
  7. Demonstrate belief in employees.
  8. Evaluate.

 “Leaders who coach are those who treat their employees as individuals and regard them as contributors” John Baldoni

What makes managers successful coaches?

 What is challenging about coaching?

This post is a combination of my conversation with John and his new book, The Leader’s Pocket Guide.s

Circumstances don’t determine the atmosphere and tone of organizations, leaders do.

Look around your office or leadership team. Is the tone positive or negative? Now, look at yourself. How are you perceived?

Organizations reflect leadership.

Thursday, I reconnected with Shirzad Chamine, author of, Positive Intelligence. He reminded me that our “Sage” is a joyful, curious, explorer. I started thinking about fearful versus confident leadership.

Fearful vs. Confident:

Fearful leaders withdraw, limit, control, manipulate, and pressure others. Fearful leaders respond to challenges, opportunities, and problems pessimistically.

Confidence fuels optimism; fear fuels pessimism.

Tough circumstances test everyone, especially leaders. Hand-wringers set negative tones. On the other hand, denying tough times never inspires.


Leadership-optimism isn’t pretending everything’s okay. Confident leaders connect, inspire, and unleash. They explore with curiosity.

Inspirational leaders face tough times
with curiosity, exploration, joy, and confidence.


Leadership-attitude won’t solve tough times. It is, however, the way leaders establish tone and atmosphere in collaborative environments during challenging situations. Positive environments are built on positive attitudes, speech, and behaviors.

(Check out Soren Kaplan’s book, Leapfrogging, for more on optimism.)

What’s the difference between foolish and realistic optimism?

How can leaders set positive tones in organizations?


Internet Dating facilities: How discrimination is at work?

Tacit discrimination are revealed in many aspect of life. There are mainly two ways of testing discrimination in a community:

First, you investigate the perception of people on their preferences and dislikes, or idiosyncrasies on a society attitudes and behaviors.  Successful salespeople indulge on applying what they learn of “what a particular community wants and prefer…”

Second, you torture a vast amount of data in any fields and you observe the correlation or trends of people, consumers, clients… The main technique that institutions in charge of controlling discrimination at work and enterprises, and in charge of enforcing anti-discrimination laws is by analyzing the data in the workplaces for every kind of industry or social facility…

How implicit is discrimination played in Internet dating social platforms?

What the dating candidate reveals is not what he actually want in a dating partner.

While white women say that “color of a partner”  is irrelevant in their choices: the responses and messages sent target mostly white men.

When women say that “blond guys” are irrelevant in their choices, the e-mails give priority to blond guys.

When women say that “high-earners” are not that relevant as long as the guy has a good standard of living, they actually mostly prefer to date guys who claimed to earn $200,000. Actually, 3 out of 4 males who claim to earn about $200,000 are liars.

Women tend to discriminate against guys in manufacturing jobs, and they much prefer to date police officers, firemen, lawyers, physicians

Women and men cheat one inch taller.

Women cheat 20 pounds less on their weight.

Candidates want to be perceived as above average…

Women and men cheat 70% of the time by claiming to be above average in looks.

Married men never publish their photos, especially when they claim to be “happily married”.

Women prefer to sent messages to men claiming to be looking for a “long-term relationship” while men prefer “casual lovers” or “just looking…”

Data have shown that 56% of males never received a single response, compared to 21% for women candidates.

The candidates getting the most responses are the “smart” daters who try to fit their profile to correspond to the most common stereotypes about men and women in particular communities.

Many claim that is enjoying such vast popularity because it is a free dating platform, and more effective than the others. Anyone wanting to date has the honest data of the prospected partner, and many more particular honest opinions…

The small chatting exercises reveal many aspects of a person and the clever candidate is attuned to catching the characteristics that mostly suit his “secret” preferences.

The most common obvious discrimination target elderly people and Latinos because discrimination on both groups are not largely covered or disseminated, and their anti-discrimination movements are not as widespread or effective to the general public

Note: Post inspired by the book “Freakonomics” by Steven Levitt




March 2023

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