Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘love

Not her first, her last, or her only 

She loves you now, what else matters?

Bob Marley

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before she may love again.

But if she loves you now, what else matters?

 

She’s not perfect—

You aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together

But if she can make you laugh, and cause you to think twice,

And admit to being human and making mistakes,

Hold onto her and give her the most you can.

 

She may not be thinking about you every second of the day,

But she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break—her heart.

So don’t hurt her, don’t change her,

Don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

 

Smile when she makes you happy,

Let her know when she makes you mad,

And miss her when she’s not there.
 Bob Marley

Mostly demons are found in Love?

Of Love and other demons

During Europe Middle Age, over 50,000 women were burned alive as witches.

Mainly women were submitted to be exorcised.

In the French translated “De l’amour et autre demons” by late Gabriel Garcia Marquez, the 12 year-old girl Sierva Maria was locked up and harassed by exorcism procedures.

I am extracting the French translation of a few lines from one of the sonnets of Garcilaso de la Vega, a soldier who died young at war and wrote 40 sonnets, 3 églogues, 2 élegies and 5 songs to a Portuguese girl who was Not a beauty, and married some else and even died before him:

O doux attraits pour mon malheur trouvés

Entre vos mains, enfin, je m’abandonne óu je sais que je mourrai

Afin qu’à moi seul il soit prouvé comment sur le vaincu frappe l’épée

Que s’apaisent celles que pour toi j’ai versées (les larmes)

Quand je demeure a contempler mon état et vois le chemin óu m’ont conduit tes pas

Je mourrai, car sans fourbe je suis donné à celle qui saura me perdre et m’achever

You flashed in my mind, Love

Note: Re-edit of “Emotions weaken my constitution, Love. May 2, 2011”

You flashed in my mind, Love.

My eyes never crossed your path:

Are you tall, blonde, svelte, green-eyed…?

 

My ears never heard your voice, Love.

Is you voice soft, passionate, warm, cadenced…?

 

How could I find you?

The moment you knock on my door, Love

Would you be fluttering with white wings, red, yellow?

Would you be blossoming in springtime violet, blue attire, Love?

 

Would you be crawling in my night dreams and waking dreams?

Would I be ready to sense your presence?

 

I am not one to hoard things.

All I care is to experience new sensations, once, one at a time.

 

Emotions weaken my constitution, Love.

Would you be gentle with my feelings?

Am I hard in the hearing?

Am I fuzzy in the vision, Love?

 

Do not despair, Love:

Keep talking, nudging, dancing, swinging, whispering.

Keep me alert, awake, alive, ready, Love.

 

Are you knocking Love?

As I open the door, do not manage my feelings.

Tags: ,

A lot of crap in these idioms about Love: Just feel free to select what is convenient

Shakespeare, Platon, Perron, Rousseau, Geraldi, Jobran, Bernard Shaw…

تكلم هامساً عندما تتكلم عن الحب
( وليم شكسبير )
قد تنمو الصداقة لتصبح حباً ، ولكن الحب لا يتراجع ليصبح صداقة
( بيرون )

الحب تجربة حية لا يعانيها إلا من يعيشها
( سيمون دى )
الحب سلطان ولذلك فهو فوق القانون

الحب كالحرب من السهل أن تشعلها . . من الصعب أن تخمدها
الحب هو اللعبة الوحيدة التي يشترك فيها اثنان ويكسبان فيها معاً أو يخسران معاً .

الحب جزء من وجود الرجل ، ولكنه وجود المرأة بأكمله
( بيرون )
الرجل يحب ليسعد بالحياة ، والمرأة تحيا لتسعد بالحب
( جان جاك روسو )

قد يولد الحب بكلمة ولكنه لا يمكن أبداً أن يموت بكلمة
الحب لا يقتل العشاق . . هو فقط يجعلهم معلقين بين الحياة و الموت .

الذي يحب يصّدق كل شيء أو لا يصّدق أي شيء .
الشباب يتمنون الحب فالمال فالصحة ، و لكن سيجيء اليوم الذي يتمنون فيه الصحة فالمال فالحب
( جيرالدي )

مأساة الحب تتلخص في أن الرجل يريد أن يكون أول من يدخل قلب المرأة . .
و المرأة تريد أن تكون آخر من يدخل قلب الرجل ( بيرون )

من يحب . . يحب إلى الأبد
في الحب خطابات نبعث بها وأخرى نمزقها وأجمل الخطابات هي التي لا نكتبها

الحب أعمى
(أفلاطون)
الحب وردة والمرأة شوكتها
(شوبنهاور)

يضاعف الحب من رقة الرجل ، ويضعف من رقة المرأة
(جارلسون)
الحب يضعف التهذيب في المرأة ويقويه في الرجل
(ريشتر)

الحب مبارزة تخرج منها المرأة منها منتصرة إذا أرادت
(لابرويير)
الحب للمرأة كالرحيق للزهرة
(تشارلز ثوب)

الحب أنانية اثنين
(مدام دو ستال)
الحب المجنون يجعل الناس وحوشاً
(فيون)

ما الحب إلا جنون
(شكسبير)
الحب ربيع المرأة وخريف الرجل
(هيلين رونالد)
ا

لحب يرى الورود بلا أشواك
(مثل ألماني)
الحب يستأذن المرأة في أن يدخل قلبها ، وأما الرجل فإنه يقتحم قلبه دون استئذان ،
وهذه هي مصيبتنا (برنارد شو)

الحب أعمى والمحبون لا يرون الحماقة التي يقترفون
(شكسبير)
إذا شكا لك شاب من قسوة امرأة ، فاعلم أن قلبه بين يديها
(برنيس)

الحب دمعة وابتسامة
(جبران)
يعجبها مني أن أحبها ، ويطربها أن أشقى في سبيلها
(شلر)

إذا كنت تحب امرأة فلا تقل لها (( أنا أحبك )) . .
إن هذه العبارة أوّل ما تجعل المرأة تفكر في السيطرة عليك (كلارك جيبل)

Emotions weaken my constitution, Love

You flashed in my mind, Love.

My eyes never crossed your path:

Are you tall, blonde, svelte, green-eyed…?

My ears never heard your voice, Love.

Is you voice soft, passionate, warm, cadenced…?

How could I find you,

The moment you knock on my door, Love

Would you be fluttering with white wings, red, yellow?

Would you be blossoming in springtime violet, blue attire, Love?

Would you be crawling in my dreams, night and waking dreams?

Would I be ready to sense your presence?

I am not one to hoard things.

All I care is to experience new sensations, once, one at a time.

Emotions weaken my constitution, Love.

Would you be gentle with my feelings?

Am I hard in the hearing?

Am I fuzzy in the vision, Love?

Do not despair, Love:

Keep talking, nudging, dancing, swinging, whispering.

Keep me alert, awake, alive, ready, Love.

Are you knocking Love?

As I open the door, do not manage my feelings.

How to love a woman? Does she make you laugh?
 

Bob Marley loved so many women, and he sings:

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only.

She loved before she may love again.
But if she loves you now, what else matters?

She’s not perfect – you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together.

But if she can make you laugh,

Cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes,

Hold onto her and give her the most you can.
 
She may not be thinking about you every second of the day,
but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break – her heart.
So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.

 

Smile when she makes you happy,

let her know when she makes you mad,
and miss her when she’s not there.
 

Emotions weaken my constitution, Love

You flashed in my mind, Love.

My eyes never crossed your path:

Are you tall, blonde, svelte, green-eyed…?

My ears never heard your voice, Love.

Is you voice soft, passionate, warm, cadenced…?

How could I find you,

The moment you knock on my door, Love

Would you be fluttering with white wings, red, yellow?

Would you be blossoming in springtime violet, blue attire, Love?

Would you be crawling in my dreams, night and waking dreams?

Would I be ready to sense your presence?

I am not one to hoard things.

All I care is to experience new sensations, once, one at a time.

Emotions weaken my constitution, Love.

Would you be gentle with my feelings?

Am I hard in the hearing?

Am I fuzzy in the vision, Love?

Do not despair, Love:

Keep talking, nudging, dancing, swinging, whispering.

Keep me alert, awake, alive, ready, Love.

Are you knocking Love?

As I open the door, do not manage my feelings.

“But I do not love him…”; (October 14, 2009)             

            A love on and off affair of one of my close relatives got me thinking.  Invariably we all think that we are acute psychologists in interpreting the behavior of others and that we need no formal schooling in that practice. Our reduced life experience enlarges our abstract notions into the realm of truths; but not many would venture into writing an article that smacks of psychology.  My earlier decision to shrink my posts to less than a thousand words will save me many mishaps by lengthy chatting on this peculiar topic.

This fundamental concept dawned on me: Women would instantly marry men they fall in love with, regardless whether love is reciprocated as long as the man is accommodating. Most women are viewed as pragmatic because they prefer to marry men able to provide a comfortable standard of living.  This perception is in the “common sense” category of evidences among men: in most cultures men are the ones expected to make the first moves and ask for the hand of their selected choices and parents have definite say after financial investigation of the targeted family. 

This perception is far from the truth. First, if a woman has the choice between a comfortable provider and the one she loves then she would select the man she loves with no hesitation in most cases.  Fortunately, these moments of choices are rare, simply because either the woman has not yet fallen in love, or the one she loves is not available (basically, unreachable to work diligently on him). Second, the ratio of achiever man combined with an imagination running wild into recounting enchanted stories and projects (that women tend to fall in love with) and the rest of the other kinds of men is pretty abysmal; and thus, women have a puny pool of men to fall in love with among the eligible. 

The perception of women having practical streak is the result of the rare occasions for women to show their fundamental sides. I am not distinguishing between the “independent” and “non-independent” women because the concept of “preferring the man she loves” is a truth for all normal women when the right occasion is available.  One advantage for an independent woman to marrying the man she loves is that she has a wider intellectual and practical range of means to work on her man as long as he is receptive. Mind that I didn’t define an “independent” woman by her economic status of financial self-sufficiency, although that would give the woman a powerful advantage in most cases.  What I mean by an independent woman is the one that was permitted freedom of choices in many sectors of life during her upbringing, or her folks were lenient enough to encourage her to take initiatives and allow her to impose the choices in most instances.  Thus, an independent woman has acquired a flexible and trained mind to investing energy and time at studying her choices and carrying them into satisfactory results.

Allow me to go one step further in matter of truths; a “pragmatic” married woman would never relinquish her God’s given right to seeking the love of her life.  That is why divorces and unhappy houses are so widespread everywhere and in among all cultures.

I would be interested reading studies or stories on attractive enough spinsters, and then discovering the main reasons for them failing to marry.  My hypothesis is that a spinster was in love with a “local” man and the “rich” practical men were not forthcoming or felt that the spinster was not a good actor for sending the right signals as expected of her. I reduced my sample of “attractive enough” spinsters because I feel the attribute “beautiful” is such a strong characteristic for men that no beautiful woman will go unmarried in most cases.  Mind that I will not insists on the characteristics of men simply because a man needs a lifetime to applying Socrates’ dictum “know your own self!”

Women in general do not give words coming from man much weight as evidence for truth; women believe that they have a set of battery of their own lie detectors to verify if a man is saying the truth; they need constant affirmation that the man is behaving correctly in order to control their hold on him.  The best criterion for women to discriminate strong from weak men is to demand from men to pour their heart out and provide total description of their status, life, and inclinations; women insist on their men to tell everything: implicitly, to convince men that they believe in their words; but this is the most important first test. 

If men fall into that trap and divulge everything then they have lost the war already; women want strong men and those men who tell them everything are categorized as weak in character and useless to protect them or to fall in love with them.  Those men who failed this critical test and succumbed to weakness should never expect the woman to fall in love with him even if she decided to marry him; in this case she loves to play mother.  The woman who marries such a “weak” man has fundamentally no real interest in men but prefer this front to save further exacerbations with constant wowing and pressures from men.

No, it is not an undertone power struggle for the search of a weak man to dominate because women naturally want to be the leaders in the family and they would ultimately grab that power with minimum determination.  All that women want from men is to constantly tell them what women like to hear and to hell with the truth which they can always discover with their own array of lie indicators and detectors. Men should master the techniques for perfect confident lie stories that women love to hear as long as they never forget to compliment them frequently and act very devoted to them.

            Consequently, a word of advice for grown up men, those who didn’t marry in their mid twenties: dig into whatever intuitive power you have to feel whether the girl of your choice may fall in love with you.  Rushing mindlessly and immediately into investing energy, time, and resources to just wowing her is a typical man’s weakness.  Now, if your intuition was high jacked by an evil spirit into believing that the love of your life is indeed in love with you, then the next step is to discourage your girl from meeting with comfortable providers by any means available. 

            All these suggestions are for just the practical situation of getting married.  Living happily is a totally another issue and I am no redundant prophet.  Simply remember what I said of woman’s single uncompromising faith of her God’s given right “to falling in love with a man once in her lifetime”. The harshest instances for me are being under constant investigation: Being forgotten in a gulag is a more tenable alternative for me.

 

Note: this post is a re-edited version of my prior “She let go of her suitor” written in November 17, 2007 

Reactions to Seduction, Love, and Sex Tales

 

            In the last three months I had decided that my posts would not exceed 800 words.  Consequently, my posts must not be read as academic essays intended to cover all aspects of any theme or in any reasonable depth.  Many times, as a few posts cover many aspect of the same theme then I combine them in a somewhat lengthy essay. In general I try to exaggerate to shock readers into personal reflection.  I leave it to the reader to figure out the many perspectives and angles for comprehending a theme. I even challenge readers with direct and categorical positions to generate comments that may resume discussion and enrich dialogue. Most of the time this tactic is successful and I always factors in comments of the types of immature curses and semi sentences.

 

            For example I receive a well elaborate comment on my post “Sex Tales”.  It goes “I was really interested in reading “sex tales”. I read this post many times and I felt your “anger” in your writing. What I don’t agree, even if I am not a man, is when you say that men don’t have pleasure and that the sexual act is “only” a tension relief. I agree that the sexual act is a natural need but you cannot compare it to pissing and shitting, even when we’re not talking about love, because sex is something that you can control, it is related to desire and pleasure, it is something you share.

            How can you generalize by telling that “Man is not endowed to experience sexual pleasures […]”? Did you ever discuss this issue with other men? In my opinion you cannot compare sex to masturbation, they are fundamentally different.

            You say that men need practice; I say that women need practice too. Practice is important for both genders in order to know their bodies, to know how to give pleasure and how to receive pleasure. Do you think that for women sex is “easier” or pleasure is “automatic”? Don’t you think that women also care for men’s pleasure and that they enjoy giving as much as getting?

             I looked for an explanation for your anger and I may have found two:

First, you said concerning men’s hands “one is more sensitive, functional, and defter than the other and not for manual work but for relieving your emotional anger and passions” maybe is it this emotional anger that is reflected in your writing?

Second, maybe it is a manifestation of a tendency for misogyny? After all, the way we see the world is always influenced by our personal experiences.”

 

            That was a wonderful comment and I tend to agree on most points. It gave me the opportunity to elaborate my position.  I am replying gladly and with excitement. Personally, I am sure that women need far more practice than men.  Mind you that I am not talking about seduction but the nitty gritty sex part of foreplay and intercourse.  After all it is the woman who is in the receiving end of sexual pleasure.  If the woman is not in control of the entire exercise then she had a failing grade and needs to practice more to accede to the next level.  Man must be the passive partner and as long as man is the active one then the woman has received a failing grade.

            No, we cannot compare sex to masturbation unless the woman partner is frequently getting lousy grades.  Then, it is far better for man to get in control of his “destiny” or change sexual partners.  It is the woman responsibility to retain her sex partner and discover what make her man tick.  I get very tired doing the control part to pleasure my partner since she is the one getting most of my focus and energy.

            I maintain that sexual intercourse is an exit alternative for man to relieve his anxieties and angers until the woman partner extracts a genuine “Thank you” appreciation from her man after the game is over. Then, sex can shift to a qualitative level: it is for the man to expect a confirming “thank you” note from the woman partner.  Then we can say that sex is ranked as quality time; a serious fulfilling and relaxing exercise.  It is the phase when both partners have done their homework and learned what give pleasure to both sides.

 

            In general, I discovered that I like more the company of women than man: there are challenges at every corner until routine sets in. Then it is time for a change seeking the company of men.  As for misogyny and such terminologies I tend to avoid them: generalizations are intrinsically false.  Every person, in both genders, has a combination of characters; some tend to behave more frequently misogyny than others. What count is not what we say but how we act and behave. 

            Anyway, I am still into introspection and this exercise might last a life long. 

 

Note 1: I stumbled on a post offering advices for good sex.  Man likes seductive, intelligent, and confident woman. Women should behave lady like on the street and exhibit her bitchy vocabulary and lexicon in bed.  Woman should control burping and farting to the bare minimum: do you know anyone inclined to fuck his beer drinking buddy?  Woman should prove that she feels fine in her body and not constantly worried of the next esthetic surgery.  Woman should refrain from biting the penis or any canine scare tactics; likewise, man should refrain from savaging the clitoris and bruising it. Both genders should not trash talk about their acquaintances: this is a sure proof of low self esteem and a strong message that danger is around the bend.

 

Note 2: I linked three posts on seduction, love and sex for those interested in following the conversation.

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2009/06/09/seduction-tales/

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2009/06/09/love-tales/

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2009/06/07/sex-tales/

Love Passion Stories: Juliette & Rene; (August 25, 2009)

The French Juliette Recamier, during the period of Napoleon, was one of the most beautiful of the ladies to sit for painters.  Juliette barely talked: she was the mute goddess , but she was highly literate and a famous actress that posed for many painters.  The beauty of Juliette reached the confines of Siberia where natives had her picture painted on glass.

Princes, bankers, generals, poets, and famous authors were after the favors of Mrs. Recamier.  She never repulsed anyone, but never welcomed anyone at her residence. She was the sultana of “one thousand and one mornings”. The sharp critics Saint-Beuve wrote: “Mrs. Recamier wants everything to stop in April”.

There were many rumors on her physical sexual impotence for her lack of varied encounters; the author Merimee used to raise his arms and say “it is a case of force major”.  Deeper analysis is showing that Mrs. Recamier suffered from a major psychological handicap: Juliette believed that she married her own father at the age of 15, the boyfriend of her mother. Her first husband may or may not be her genetic father, but what people believe is what counts in practical life.

The French giant writer Rene de Chateaubriand fell passionately in love countless of times; he even traveled to the Near East and Palestine as an excuse to land in Spain where he was to meet another one of his conquest.  Rene was visiting Venice for the second time; he was 65 of age and he wrote a name on the sand.  Rene said “What am I doing around the steppe of the Adriatic? Follies of age closer to the cradle: I wrote a name close to the dying waves; the waves kept eating up the name ,one character at a time, to the sixteenth character; I felt that they were erasing my life.”  The name was Juliette Recamier.

Juliette was madly in love with the literary genius of Rene de Chateaubriand and wrote to him: “It no longer depends on me, or of you, or of anyone to prevent me of loving you; my love, my life, my heart, everything is yours”

Chateaubriand replied “I have but one feeling and but one joy: finish my life by you…There will be a great charm going protected by your looks, your words, and your attachment. And then God, the sky, and you beyond life…” Rene died in the arms of Juliette who was already blind.  Juliette survived Rene a few months.

Intelligent women of the 18th century described seduction processes grandly.  Mrs. de Stael said of one of her male suitors “Talking is not one of his languages”.  Julia Talma said to her boyfriend Benjamin Constant “If only you could give the impression of existing”


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

November 2020
M T W T F S S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30  

Blog Stats

  • 1,440,968 hits

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.adonisbouh@gmail.com

Join 784 other followers

%d bloggers like this: