Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘Marcus Berkmann

Again, why do you need a garden?

Virginia Woolf wrote that most women need a room of one’s own. Men want a shed of their own.

The need of women for a room is theoretical most of the time: They do feel guilty if they are not busy all the time. Women feel that they have to be doing the dishes, vacuuming, sweeping, washing walls, doing laundry, redesigning every corner, changing curtains, experimenting with new cuisine…

Men want a garden! Actually, what they have in mind is a shed of their own. The excellent excuse is to store hoes, wheelbarrows, gro-bags, repairing tools…Women agree gladly: They want all that stuff stached and hidden away, and the garden looking clean for visitors…

What is better than erecting a shed?

A large shed, the bigger the better, with a large window to scrutinize the vast horizon…

The man builds his shed, stack all the gardening rubbish in a “hidden corner” of the garden among the thorn and wild grass to discourage the wife from investigating…The maintenance tools are well-organized in the shed: This is the domain of the do-it-all repairman

The shed must accommodate a small refrigerator (you know what for), a kettle, a mini-bar, a chair, a desk, and also a long chair…

An early warning alarm system is a priority: anyone coming close to the shed, and the warning system will allow the necessary time to dump the daily newspaper, the beer cans, the buscuits…into the clean garbage can…No see, no worries…

The man strikes a deal with second-hand furniture stores. Not to buy anything, but to rent a few used furniture to give the illusion of refurbishing, painting, repolishing…and then returning them for a few more pieces…

Obviously, an internet connection is a must, and a software for card games, and poker hands are ideal pastime…

The middle age man cannot feel this inconceivable guilt for looking busy all the time: All he needs is to be left alone, surrounded by silence, quality time…

The woman is highly suspicious, but these “out of her skirt moments” suits her grandly.

Going fishing is a striking example of an “internal shed” where you think of nothing in particular for hours on.

People in urban setting, and crammed in small apartments, manage to create an “internal shed” for sanity reason, one way or another.

I do have a large garden, surrounding the house on all sides. In my long absence overseas, two sheds were built: to hosting all kinds of fowls, chicken, rabbits

At one time, I was left to handle over 100 hens because:

1. Mother likes “fresh eggs” that she has no idea what to do with all that production. Preparing cakes to distribute is exorbitantly expensive. I ended up touring the shops to barter eggs with produce.

2. My brother-in-law loves an “animated garden”, but goes hunting small birds in the morning, carrying this “bird recording” to lure birds closer to shooting them dead …

Luckily, chicken feed got too expensive for the return in egg, and the fowls would stop laying eggs for months. and they died on mass for one reason or another, blaming lynx, rats…

That was an excellent excuse to clear the shed and all that stinky matter…

The price was so cheap that, within a day, people flocked to buy chicken by the dozen. The clients turned out to be skilled catcher of chicken, to my chagrin. You may read detailed report on my “Diary” category.

In any case, mother persisted for half a dozen hens to sustain fresh eggs, and she re-purchased chicken at far higher prices, and she was supposed to take care of them.  The same dirty and fruitless task devolved to me, whether I liked it or not: Mother cannot physically enter the shed.

In any case, all the chores were relegated to me on the ground that “I am the able body around”: That’s what the extended family members want me to believe, and act upon…

I wish I had a clean shed, all for me, exclusively for me…

Why fowls have to rob me of my own right for a “shed of my own”?

Note: Part of the post was inspired from a chapter in “A shed of one’s own” by Marcus Berkmann

A shed of my own: Not necessarily Marcus Berkmann’s

Do you think mid-life crisis is in the eye of the beholder? Whatever statistics of researchers in social sciences mildly try to make you swallow?

Do you believe by now that mid-life crisis is actually a series of crises after “maturity”, interspersed with memory lapses?

Like this kid of 9 who wrote: “Mr. Salteena was an elderly man of 42“.

People in their late 30’s prefer to be labeled “thirty something”, and as they reach their 50’s, they like to be called “fiftysomethings”…simply because they lived that glorious period…

Is middle age defined by physical limitations in endurance, such as:

1. Going “ooof” when sitting down on a sofa

2. Refraining from eating pizza after sundown,

3. Preferring to change to slippers immediately as you enter your home…

Is middle age defined by leisure of wider opportunities, as Jane Fonda expressed it: “People tend to be happier after 50: They are less stressed, less anxious, less hostile…Maybe because they realize that “I have been there, done it, and none of it killed me”. You tend no longer to make mountains out of mole hills…”

Late French author Albert Camus wrote: “Nobody realizes that many of us invest tremendous energy merely to be normal“( looking normal in the eye of the majority?)

Dr. von Heller wrote: ” Forty is a critical age.  Between 35 and 40, everybody has to turn a corner in his life, or smash into a brick wall…”

In mid-life crisis we become increasingly paranoid of physical shortcoming, only to discover that the rear tire of our bicycle is flat, and nothing is wrong with our leg muscles…Has one of your kids commented: “You’re a grown up. What do you know about style?”

Jane Austin in Emma wrote: “One half of the world cannot understand the pleasure of the other…”  Is she referring to the two groups divide: Youth and after middle age?

After all, at which age have you started checking the obituary pages of your local daily? Given that you have started reading anything at all before then…

Kurt Vonnegut wrote: “True terror is waking up and discovering that your high-school class is running the country (politically)…” Middle age people knew how stupid they used to look and think, and now they are behaving as the wisest of all…

J.M. Barrie wrote: “I have warned against letting the golden hours slip by.  A few of them hours happened to be golden because I let them slip by…”

And Albert Einstein wrote: “I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity…”

Note: Marcus Berkmann is the author of Rain Man, and he latest is “A shed of his own” reflecting on mid-age crisis

Is it Love, Regret, Mid-life crisis…or “Misslove”?

We really don’t regret the dreadful acts: We regret not having made more of them when society considered us to be at a stupid and reckless age

We regret not having far more sex, not going out with more blind dates, beautiful women or thoughtthey were too above our condition to talk to, lovely girls we dared not approach…

And ending up with the recollection of pretty much the desert of a romantic life, tumble-weeds ever blowing any which way…

You are happiest when your mind wander the least at the task you are doing: Mainly when you are having sex…

One of the partner will keep reminding you to focus on the job.  Even in close battle contact, having sex is a happier moment than shooting at someone else.

Young people and middle-age people who sign on to go to war are the one who were not “having any“: They are delusional that if they could not have sex in peacetime that wartime will bring far higher opportunities, sort of the army bringing in and paying for whores

Best time to die for men is when your sex engagement seems to have finally reached its climax in performance…of what you could ever achieve later on.

For women, climax is an addiction and the best time to die is when the offer is getting rare…or of much lower quality in endurance or shame attitude…sort of the male partner having this attitude: “I don’t give a damn what you think of my performance; I just got some...”

As Marcus Berkmann wrote:

“Heterosexual men in mid-life crisis have a strong sense that, in mild weather conditions, there are more attractive women than they ever dreamed off in their youth.  Where were the attractive girls when I was younger? The answer is that at the age of 55, men have included in their gawking a vaster range of women, starting from age 15 to 50…”

The trick is that sex was displaced to the realm of the mind: The mind is a far livelier, vivid, imaginative part that never rest or take a break from lusting…and going nowhere but circling in a vicious loop.

Trust is a one-year old baby laughing when you throw him in the air: How much trust is in any relationship? That is why sex-toys are the rage.  

The largest group are the divorced people, and they enjoy the highest rate of sex frequency in an average month (6 to 10 times), and only 1% of this group admitted having none, compared to all the other unhappy cluster groups.  

No wonder why people divorce in trove within the first seven-year stunt of marriage.

In the 18th century, marriages didn’t fail: They ended.  How so?

Life expectancy was so short that 25% of weddings were of the re-marriage kind.  In any case, sex was truly in the 5th position on the list of priority in marriage after trust, companionship, sense of humor, and financial stability…The extended family lived and slept together in one room…

Mid-life crisis has nothing to do with age: It is a sudden realization.

The cause of the crisis is: “You feel suddenly that you reached an impasse, and you are in no mood for making a U-turn promptly”. By the time you decide for a U-turn, you have made a fool of yourself so abundantly that you have no shame anymore…

Mid-life crisis is the realization that we truly are going to die. Anytime soon.

And we dare not contemplate “When am I going to be next?”  We want to forget this sudden reality, anyway that tempt us, especially having more varied sex opportunities…We don’t want to die having this Regret of “Not had enough sex

Mid-life crisis people feel that their varieties and intensity of shame and fear are far less in number or acuity.

I think that in critical situations, particularly when a childhood memory plays the catalyst, midage sense of shame and fear are much higher than in youth period.

In any case, Jealousy is still there, more intense and livelier.

Jealously simply lacks the vital  space of larger interactions with people, and the occasional encounters are very short, and the stamina to act on it is horribly reduced…

In Mid-life you hear more often “Let me present you my mistress, lover, girlfriend, special friend…” How about the more appropriate and dignified term “Misslove“?

In youth, mankind is an animal in the flesh; at older age he is an animal in the mind.

With rare exceptions, those very few in the very end of the tail of the “normal curve”, the rest of us 99.999% have no foundations to claim superiority over any specie. We just take umbrage based on the performances of the very few.

And this is not a logical exercises!

This essay applies to the female gender too.




April 2020

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