Adonis Diaries

Memory failures, (continue 27)

Note: I have published this section previously, but not within my formal auto-biography “introspection”.

I have been writing my diary since 2004: I sensed that my episodic memory might be failing and I have difficulty with the semantic memory in recalling names quickly enough, even the ones I am familiar with. I have a vast general knowledge, but lately I feel that I can benefit greatly in providing answers if the format is in multiple-choices format for recognition. 

Mother has good episodic memory at the age of 83 but her instant recall of names is very bad.  Many times mother is telling me a story or a current news and she fails to remember a name and shakes with frustration.  Often, I figure out whom she is talking about, but the irony is that I cannot retrieve the name too; a silence is broken until one of us recall the name or we simply just give up.  

Mother reminds me of many events that I had completely forgotten, even my personal accidents that I should have retained, like car accidents. Mother told me about Joseph Hayek who rammed my opened car door and almost injured me; I asked her to give me more details, until I had a feeling that the accident happened. I usually tell mother to continue her story with more details so that I might recover part of the situational episode.  

Dad has still excellent memory, episodic and semantic,and we can rely on his accurate recall, but his hearing is failing, so does mother though she would never concede.  Dad is ashamed of asking me to take him clean his ears, so is mother!  Thus, the writing process might be a good exercise for saving my remaining faulty memory connections and keeping them alive a bit longer.

I read in the daily Al Nahar that German scientists have located the gene AVPR1A number 334 responsible for the abstinence of 40% of the males to marry, or to sticking to their vow to marry.  It appears that this gene is also the cause for autism or the closing up of the mind to society and living inward.  I think that I strongly have this gene, and if I submit to DNA analysis then the result would be positive. 

I believe that my ranking in schools and university has declined sharply since I was 17 years old because my memory started to decline.  I guess my persistence in continuing my higher education and even earning a PhD might be due to my inner and stubborn anger to defying my memory faults.  For example, when I focus on any subject I can comprehend the mechanism; a few days later, I feel that I know the general process but I need pointers to recall the process and refresh my understanding of the subject. 

I have lost many friends because I failed to recollect their names, or worse calling them with the wrong names.  When I returned to the USA after five years of absence, I have this guy who calls me excitedly as being his long dearest friend, and I could not remember the name or even put a face on the caller; the guy was one of my roommates!  He was very frustrated when I met with him; the irony is that I still could not remember him, even with his face, but I had to take his accounts for real because his recollected accounts matched realities.

In gatherings, a bloke would turn towards me for some reason and say “you should know him; he was kind of intimate with you”. What can I say?  Names are more often than not a blank in my memory; a picture can certainly help as long as it is not updated!  Thus, when I salute people I do not try to name them! 

I guess that my inability of memorizing songs and poems and jokes has strong foundation; my asocial behavior might be due to my failing memory early on, which has corrupted my discourse and robbed me of quiet and convincing communication instead of irritated and truncated paragraphs. 

An excellent memory is necessary for mental effectiveness, for social gathering, of telling jokes, of recounting events in details.  It is fundamental for efficient communication and making friends.

I don’t like talking on the phone or any instant audio-visual medium: I lack verbal intelligence. I feel that my verbal memory is too slow to communicate any sense in a timely fashion.  My sort of communication is to listen and query what the other person is saying. 

In a gathering, I look stupid, redundant and ignorant of the substance or fundamentals of chatting and delivering small talks or maligning others or memorizing and delivering jokes. I know by experience that, when sometime I am dragged into heated conversation, I usually make a complete fool of myself and never finish sentences and alienate everyone in the audience.

            I don’t carry a cellular phone because I have no business to promote.  There are millions of cellular suckers who use their new gadgets just for answering calls, thinking that they are lording it over the callers by answering calls; worst, they think that they are saving money by not taking the initiatives of calling after all the initial and monthly expenses.

Note: One of my nieces commented: “I like this article. i always thought you had some sort of mild autism. I knew the technical word for it. I’ll try to find out for you. please do get teta and gedo’s ears cleaned. You have 50 members now. I like the article on your home page. keep updating. lots of love.”

Now, I have to deal with a new syndrome of mild autism that has a technical name.  Is failure to recalling name a kinds of autism? I trust frank outside observers.  Would my niece find out from internet or the American Psychiatry Association what can be done to to my case?