Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘Not socially acceptable

Not socially acceptable: Being divorced.

Worse: seeking to divorce

I had four days left before I was due in court to finalize my divorce. My mind was made up and I was adamant about wanting to start a new life.

I had found a small apartment as a “square one” starting point for me and my children and promised myself I would make it all better for them once I could.

Carole Mougharbel posted

I went to visit my future landlord to complete the necessary paperwork and pay the down payment. As I sipped coffee with her in her enormous home, she kept glancing at me from under her glasses, it wasn’t long before I started getting uncomfortable.

Suddenly and out of nowhere, she asked, “You are married aren’t you? Because this is a ‘family’ building and we would rather not have a ‘divorcée’ here.”

My active imagination went into overdrive and I pictured her imagining me erecting dance poles in the apartment and opening up my very own strip joint.

After all, isn’t that what she was so afraid of? A divorced woman with less than ideal morals coming into her ‘family building’ and ruining the neighbors’ children!

I am very well known for my temper but I quietly bit my tongue and lied, “Yes, I am married.”

After all, it was a white lie and I wasn’t divorced just yet. I could have told her it was none of her business or asked her to keep her uppity nose out of my affairs but I needed the home and I would have killed to get it. Lying was easy when it came to sheltering my children.

A few days later, I found myself driving to my new home and physically moving my stuff into my tiny new apartment. I carried box after box from my car and up the stairs to my home, single-handedly.

I carried clothes and toys and TVs. I moved small pieces of furniture and kitchen utensils. I did it myself to save money on the movers since I had to buy new furniture and kitchen equipment and appliances for my new home.

And all through this, I know she watched me from her window, waiting to see the “man of the house” helping me, but I disappointed her time and time again. We both knew that I had lied but I had a 3-year binding contract in my hands and there was nothing she could do about it anymore.

While I lived in her building, I effortlessly gained her respect and admiration but I never forgave her the question – or more the accusation – that she shoved in my face during the most difficult time of my life and I had all the reason in the world not to forgive.

Months after living there, I discovered that my landlord herself was in fact a “divorcée” and had been so for over 35 years.

I should have been in a rage! I should have knocked on her door and demanded an apology!

Instead, I pitied her with all of my heart for what she did to me was nothing more than the manifestation of what society must have done to her all those years ago. They must have shunned her and pointed their fingers at her and possibly even questioned her morals as well. And there she was, 35 years on, doing the same thing to me.

Socially acceptable or not, I am divorced. While some may think it is a taboo subject, it is my way of knowing that I am a fighter and I have survived something unimaginably difficult and I am still around to prove it.

Sometimes, I hope she feels the same way about herself too.




May 2023

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