Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘Phoenix

The funniest bull fight ever; (October 5, 2009)


            The quaint southern Spanish town of  Alcanon de la Sagrada Orden had three landmarks. There was the copper-green statue of the conquistador Juan Rodriguez de la Jara who marched from Tucson to Phoenix and reached Reno in Nevada where he died of some local plague; he was curious about the aborigine American Indians and his last words were “Por Espana y por Alcanon”.  There was the English poet Oliver Still who had decided to live in the town; he had published a slim volume in 1912 and the agony for a second volume of poems generated extravagant adulation. By the time a very short novel appeared in 1925 Oliver Still had become known the world over.  An eighty-page book published in the late thirty made Still a demigod.  Tourists from the USA flocked to Alcanon to meet the poet but Oliver shuns them. In 1948, Still published a volume of poems “Recuerdo de Alcanon” that was translated in Spanish which sealed the duo Still-Alcanon for future tourism attraction.  The third landmark was an old and maybe the first bull ring or toro arena dating from the Roman period; this ring was not used for centuries and it smelt of urine and beasts.

            At the instigation of an aging and fat Duchess, the corrida promoter Don Jesus decided to reopen the bull ring for a charity event for the benefit of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. The fiesta was to last ten days.  The company owner of bull breeding Dona Conception Morales Prado was to offer the bulls for charity; he had no intention of donating his best bulls to charity.

            A US sound recorder arrived to tape natural voices and sounds of beasts and savage events. Tourists from Europe, especially from well to do Germans and Swedes, crammed the town and the disturbed the nerves of mayor Villaseca and Oliver Still. Oliver ordered his wife to pack up. To his wife query if they are moving he fulminated “Trust you to ask an idiotic question.”

            The first bull was limping and the Spanish spectators shouted “fuera, fuera” (away with it; remove from the ring; another bull). The proud mayor of the town Villaseca had volunteered to be the first “rejoneador” or the opening horseman in the ring; the mayor fell from his horse; the bull approached him, sniffed him, and turned back. Mayor Villaseca turned livid from shame; he said “I failed to become martyr of the town”.

            The second toro was pretty cunning, cautious and barely accelerated. This bull snatched the seat off the green pants of the famous toreador Cordobano who drove a green convertible Pontiac as a sign of greatness. An American actress was impressed by Cordobano muscled buttock and ran away with him to Canne in the Riviera. 

            The third bull was crazy and never reflected for a second.  A strong wind blew and dispersed the tin foils, newspapers, and remnants of sausages of the German tourist campers into the ring.  Debris stuck on the bull horns and the spectacle became hilarious. Priest Don Evaristo was chased by the bull and fainted as he reached the “callejon” (a hiding small corner).  The representative of Dictator Franco, the extra obese General “Wolf of the Sahara”, wheezed: “It is fitting to see a friar turning his back on a creature with horns”.  The promoter commented: “This corrida is becoming like ancient Rome. In the absence of competent gladiators we have to sacrifice the Christians”. 

            The toreador Rafaelito was 24 of age and was dressed in mauve; he had already announced his retirement several times and returned to the ring; he visited Hollywood for a movie tryout and was dismissed because he could not speak English.  Rafaelito purchased a mauve convertible Cadillac to upset the green Pontiac toreador. A downpour cut the short on Rafaelito virtuosities.

            Suddenly, mistaking a distant motor horn for the sound of the trumpet the retired soldier Cabrera drove the old street-cleaning truck into the arena, its sprinklers turned full on.  The crazy bull charged the truck, destroyed it to pieces, and finished off with the steaming radiator.  Cabrera discharged his Mozer into the bull.

            Mayor Villaseca was still at it complaining nonstop about his loss of honor.  The priest patiently retorted “There are times when honor is impossible”. Mayor Villaseca replied: “It is the fault of the foreigners, los extranjeros, who come here polluted by dishonor and then taint us”.  The priest could take it no longer and exploded: “We, the Spaniards, must learn to be modern and be better than the foreigners; then they will no longer patronize us and come to our country in search of the picturesque, the out of date scenes.  We have become los Indios, the primitives, yes, the savages.  We are a zoo to los extranjeros”

            It dawned on Mayor Villaseca that if the Spaniards are to proud to modernize they could outperform the los extranjeros in daring and adventure as during the Conquistador period; he decided to cancel the fiesta and called up an entrepreneur to install a drive-in movie business in the arena. The first movie was “Blood and sand”.  Villaseca proudly said: “I did it por Espana y por Alcanon”


Note: This topic was taken from “A place in the shade”; it is a short story of the book “Add a dash of pity” by Peter Ustinov.




October 2022

Blog Stats

  • 1,508,615 hits

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by

Join 820 other followers
%d bloggers like this: