Posts Tagged ‘Rachel’s Sixth Sense’
Rachel’s Sixth Sense of Bethesda
Posted by: adonis49 on: June 1, 2016
Rachel’s Sixth Sense (Nov. 2002)
I used to swim at a Navy complex in Bethesda from 1993 to 1998.
I patronized this affordable facility at least three times a week, mostly around 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
She was a beauty by any standard.
I think she was a cadet in the Navy, following swimming training and evaluation.
I wanted to get to know her, but could not talk to her during her busy schedule.
I wrote her a song and kept a copy with me for the next time I see her.
Here is the song:
Beautiful girls sense me. They know for sure,
Exactly, what I’m up to.
They sense me in a split-second and get busy.
She swims with energy, non-stop.
She swims fine, back strokes, crawl, in laps.
I do all that too, leisurely.
She swims constantly and does not breathe.
I have strong senses too:
She is not taking a break. Not Today.
I decide for a note, dropped on her towel.
It should say: “I think you are beautiful”.
Everything I see in you is beautiful”.
I feel more at ease and then, hope takes the extra step.
She must take a short break, any second now.
My brain is boiling and I am editing.
My sentence should be reduced to the bare essentials.
“I think you are beautiful, everything I see in you is beautiful” is too long:
No time for her to hear me out.
Just “Beautiful!” will not do: I know that by now.
“You are beautiful!” is about right.
I am swimming leisurely. There is no movement around me.
There is no towel. She vanished.
Hang it all. I’ll write about that swim.
The next time I saw her in the swimming pool I made sure that she saw me drop a piece of paper on her towel.
And I left.
A week later, I asked her: “What’s your name?” She simply said: “It’s Rachel and I’m dating”.
That was all that was said between us.
Not even a thank you or an allusion to the note.
History repeats its cycle.
Rachel’s girl friends in the swimming team noticed me intently, every time I was there,
Swimming, and swimming.
Editing love opening
Posted by: adonis49 on: July 13, 2009
Rachel’s Sixth Sense
I used to swim at a Navy complex in Bethesda from 1993 to 1998. I used to patronize this affordable facility at least three times a week, mostly around 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
She was a beauty by any standard. I think she was a cadet in the Navy, following swimming training and evaluation. I wanted to get to know her but could not talk to her during her busy schedule. I wrote her a song and kept a copy with me for the next time I see her.
Here is the song:
Beautiful girls sense me. They know for sure,
Exactly, what I’m up to.
They sense me in a split-second and get busy.
She swims with energy, non-stop.
She swims fine, back strokes, crawl, in laps.
I do all that too, leisurely.
She swims constantly and does not breathe.
I have strong senses too:
She is not taking a break. Not Today.
I decide for a note, dropped on her towel.
It should say: “I think you are beautiful”.
Everything I see in you is beautiful”.
I feel more at ease and then, hope takes the extra step.
She must take a short break, any second now.
My brain is boiling and I am editing.
My sentence should be reduced to bare essentials.
“I think you are beautiful, everything I see in you is beautiful” is too long:
No time for her to hear me out.
Just “Beautiful!” will not do: I know that by now.
“You are beautiful!” is about right.
I am swimming leisurely. There is no movement around me.
There is no towel. She vanished.
Hang it all. I’ll write about that swim.
The next time I saw her in the swimming pool, “next time” might not be that accurate, I made sure that she saw me drop a piece of paper on her towel. Then, I left.
A week later, I asked her: “What’s your name?” She simply said: “It’s Rachel and I’m dating”. That was all that was said between us. Not even a thank you or an allusion to the note. History repeats its cycle.
I realized though that her lady co-swimmers have been noticing me for quite a time.
A lame recognition! A bad poem, a good poem, still, recognition!
Rachel’s Sixth Sense
Posted by: adonis49 on: September 21, 2008
Rachel’s Sixth Sense (Nov. 2002)
I used to swim at a Navy complex in Bethesda,
At least three times a week, mostly around 3 o’clock in the afternoon.
She was a beauty by any standard.
I think she was a cadet in the Navy,
Following swimming training and evaluation.
I wanted to get to know her but could not talk to her.
I wrote her a song and kept a copy with me for the next time I see her.
Here is the song:
Beautiful girls sense me. They know for sure,
Exactly, what I’m up to.
They sense me in a split-second and get busy.
She swims with energy, non-stop.
She swims fine, back strokes, crawl, in laps.
I do all that too, leisurely.
She swims constantly and does not breathe.
I have strong senses too:
She is not taking a break. Not Today.
I decide for a note, dropped on her towel.
It should say: “I think you are beautiful”.
Everything I see in you is beautiful”.
I feel more at ease and then, hope takes the extra step.
She must take a short break, any second now.
My brain is boiling and I am editing.
My sentence should be reduced to bare essential.
“I think you are beautiful, everything I see in you is beautiful” is too long:
No time for her to hear me out.
Just “Beautiful!” will not do: I know that by now.
“You are beautiful!” is about right.
I am swimming leisurely. There is no movement around me.
There is no towel. She vanished.
Hang it all. I’ll write about that swim.
The next time I saw her in the swimming pool,
I made sure that she saw me drop a piece of paper on her towel.
Then, I left.
A week later, I asked her: “What’s your name?”
She simply said: “It’s Rachel and I’m dating”.
That was all that was said between us.
Not even a thank you or an allusion to the note.
I realized that her co-swimmers have been noticing me for quite a time after my note.
A lame recognition! A bad poem, a good poem, still, a recognition!
Short stories on women
Posted by: adonis49 on: September 21, 2008
Table of contents
Short stories on women (started in 1998)
1. Songs for women
2. Raines’ my initiator
3. Twenty kitties around Josephine
4. Decked in black
5. You’re hungry, eh!?
6. I could break your eyeglasses
7. An inch taller than her country girls
8. Chica Lupita
9. I should have told Barbara
10. I’m in love with you kid
11. “Marie”, she said
12. What’s wrong with you men?
13. Smiling for three
14. Rachel’s sixth sense
15. Eve doesn’t mix sex with business
16. Taking a full bath is taboo for her
Adonis Diaries 