Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘seduction

“But I do not love him…”; (October 14, 2009)             

            A love on and off affair of one of my close relatives got me thinking.  Invariably we all think that we are acute psychologists in interpreting the behavior of others and that we need no formal schooling in that practice. Our reduced life experience enlarges our abstract notions into the realm of truths; but not many would venture into writing an article that smacks of psychology.  My earlier decision to shrink my posts to less than a thousand words will save me many mishaps by lengthy chatting on this peculiar topic.

This fundamental concept dawned on me: Women would instantly marry men they fall in love with, regardless whether love is reciprocated as long as the man is accommodating. Most women are viewed as pragmatic because they prefer to marry men able to provide a comfortable standard of living.  This perception is in the “common sense” category of evidences among men: in most cultures men are the ones expected to make the first moves and ask for the hand of their selected choices and parents have definite say after financial investigation of the targeted family. 

This perception is far from the truth. First, if a woman has the choice between a comfortable provider and the one she loves then she would select the man she loves with no hesitation in most cases.  Fortunately, these moments of choices are rare, simply because either the woman has not yet fallen in love, or the one she loves is not available (basically, unreachable to work diligently on him). Second, the ratio of achiever man combined with an imagination running wild into recounting enchanted stories and projects (that women tend to fall in love with) and the rest of the other kinds of men is pretty abysmal; and thus, women have a puny pool of men to fall in love with among the eligible. 

The perception of women having practical streak is the result of the rare occasions for women to show their fundamental sides. I am not distinguishing between the “independent” and “non-independent” women because the concept of “preferring the man she loves” is a truth for all normal women when the right occasion is available.  One advantage for an independent woman to marrying the man she loves is that she has a wider intellectual and practical range of means to work on her man as long as he is receptive. Mind that I didn’t define an “independent” woman by her economic status of financial self-sufficiency, although that would give the woman a powerful advantage in most cases.  What I mean by an independent woman is the one that was permitted freedom of choices in many sectors of life during her upbringing, or her folks were lenient enough to encourage her to take initiatives and allow her to impose the choices in most instances.  Thus, an independent woman has acquired a flexible and trained mind to investing energy and time at studying her choices and carrying them into satisfactory results.

Allow me to go one step further in matter of truths; a “pragmatic” married woman would never relinquish her God’s given right to seeking the love of her life.  That is why divorces and unhappy houses are so widespread everywhere and in among all cultures.

I would be interested reading studies or stories on attractive enough spinsters, and then discovering the main reasons for them failing to marry.  My hypothesis is that a spinster was in love with a “local” man and the “rich” practical men were not forthcoming or felt that the spinster was not a good actor for sending the right signals as expected of her. I reduced my sample of “attractive enough” spinsters because I feel the attribute “beautiful” is such a strong characteristic for men that no beautiful woman will go unmarried in most cases.  Mind that I will not insists on the characteristics of men simply because a man needs a lifetime to applying Socrates’ dictum “know your own self!”

Women in general do not give words coming from man much weight as evidence for truth; women believe that they have a set of battery of their own lie detectors to verify if a man is saying the truth; they need constant affirmation that the man is behaving correctly in order to control their hold on him.  The best criterion for women to discriminate strong from weak men is to demand from men to pour their heart out and provide total description of their status, life, and inclinations; women insist on their men to tell everything: implicitly, to convince men that they believe in their words; but this is the most important first test. 

If men fall into that trap and divulge everything then they have lost the war already; women want strong men and those men who tell them everything are categorized as weak in character and useless to protect them or to fall in love with them.  Those men who failed this critical test and succumbed to weakness should never expect the woman to fall in love with him even if she decided to marry him; in this case she loves to play mother.  The woman who marries such a “weak” man has fundamentally no real interest in men but prefer this front to save further exacerbations with constant wowing and pressures from men.

No, it is not an undertone power struggle for the search of a weak man to dominate because women naturally want to be the leaders in the family and they would ultimately grab that power with minimum determination.  All that women want from men is to constantly tell them what women like to hear and to hell with the truth which they can always discover with their own array of lie indicators and detectors. Men should master the techniques for perfect confident lie stories that women love to hear as long as they never forget to compliment them frequently and act very devoted to them.

            Consequently, a word of advice for grown up men, those who didn’t marry in their mid twenties: dig into whatever intuitive power you have to feel whether the girl of your choice may fall in love with you.  Rushing mindlessly and immediately into investing energy, time, and resources to just wowing her is a typical man’s weakness.  Now, if your intuition was high jacked by an evil spirit into believing that the love of your life is indeed in love with you, then the next step is to discourage your girl from meeting with comfortable providers by any means available. 

            All these suggestions are for just the practical situation of getting married.  Living happily is a totally another issue and I am no redundant prophet.  Simply remember what I said of woman’s single uncompromising faith of her God’s given right “to falling in love with a man once in her lifetime”. The harshest instances for me are being under constant investigation: Being forgotten in a gulag is a more tenable alternative for me.

 

Note: this post is a re-edited version of my prior “She let go of her suitor” written in November 17, 2007 

Women in Foreplay

I read a short post on foreplay.  I corrected a few typos and edited it my way, and the comments in parenthesis are mine.  I let her speak:

“Foreplay is a large part of the entire lovemaking experience. Most women will say that if a man knows the importance of foreplay, the experience will be greater for both partners.

There is no such thing as spending too much time on foreplay. The trick is to start intercourse when both partners are having a hard time controlling their desires. Foreplay comes in many forms from hugging, kissing, undressing each other, and all over body petting (oral sex optional).”

She goes on:

“Men who know how to enjoy sensitive foreplay and apply it to their partners will:

1. enjoy their sexual encounter more,

2. their partners will reach an orgasm more easily.

Most women need a lot of stimulation in order to reach an orgasm; and that is where foreplay comes in handy.

To reach this stage (orgasm) you need to understand what will make your partner hot.

Since all women are different, some enjoy gentle kissing while other prefer oral stimulation (including dirty verbal stimulation?).

Women also like to be complimented; tell her she looks beautiful, sexy, how much you appreciate her. Complimenting your partner awakes her sense of security and excitement.”

“Try to set the mood.

Make sure the room is warm, lighting subdued, and the sheets clean! ( Do not worry about that if you are spending the night at her place).

Often women spend a fortune on lingerie: it makes them feel sexy. Therefore, (stupid) kiss around and under the lingerie telling her how good she looks in it. Go as slow as you can; tease with kisses (the lingerie?), long and slow, fast and hard, lots of cuddles and hugs.

Most women complain their partners don’t kiss enough (they might be heavy smokers), just rush directly to the genital area. Don’t be shy (which gender?), experiment, and remember to prolong foreplay with kissing and cuddling.

If she enjoys her sexual experience then she will make sure you enjoy yours!!! (I repeat, men are not endowed to feeling sexual pleasures; they like to pleasure or gratify their “nice” partners).

Practice makes perfect (Virgin women cannot seem to take that advice at heart).”

Rationally, there should be high positve correlation between seduction skills and foreplay teaching skills.

It seems that this correlation applies to seductive men.  Women are much better in seduction, but lousy foreplay teachers.

That is why they prefer to teach kindergarten kids.  Unpracticed women tend to confuse seduction with intercourse.

Women display a wide array of seduction techinques and then play passive: it is more dignified.  They have been trained to remember that at the intercourse stage, love must be the driving force (meaning marriage?): “making love” must mean sharing love.

Actually, sharing is not the correct term.

On the first intercourse with any new beau, many women utter the sentence “You are mine!”, and all of them think it.

Women who swallowed their tongue at the last second, most probably got another occasion (with the same beau).

All that talk is irrelevant if the man is not “beau” or the women not that “belle”.

The longer time is invested in foreplay, the surer the indication that shared love is stronger.  Once this most practical of “quality time” is neglected, then signs of “fatigue” in a relationship emerge.

Man has to keep investing in foreplay if he values his partner and respect her needs to bloom and be of serious support and joyful companion.

3mol mneee7 wa keb bil ba7r.

Foreplay is always a quality time, regardless of genders.

Note: Not sure if that post was not my own creation and invention.

Categorizing love expressions and words; (June 18, 2009)

 

            So far there are at least over 60 words of expressing love feelings in Arabic. The same goes to the language of Eskimos describing snow conditions. It would be interesting to attach a one-to-one correspondence for each snow condition to love feelings; that would result in a mild weather condition for people using this coded language in their love comunications.

            I decided to try my hand at categorizing these Arabic love expressions.  You might try sorting these words according to the five groups such as: divine love once you are successful at the unity with God; intellectual love; spiritual love of the elites, natural love; and bestial love.  There is another way of grouping the love expressions resulting of their effects on the physical and mental outcomes; it is this alternative that I will attempt my categorization.  You may try to use the matrix of both taxonomies.

 

1)      Physical effects and suffering: Insomnia (araq and sohod); chronic pains ( danak and wasb); burning (harak); consumption (jawa); painful (la3ej); fiery (laze3); shooting pain (law3a); avidity (lahaf); feverish (rassiss, ma7rour), apathy (tabalat); suffocating (kamad).

 

2)      Psychoilogical ailments such as: torment (balabel); grieving (shajan); sadness (7oson and shajou); no respite in affection (da2 moukhamer); melancholy ( ekti2ab); madness (jounoun); trying (kalaf); confusing (khabal); shocking (sadam); unreasonable (tabareeh); stupor (walah and tadliah).

 

3)      Emotional consequences such as: desire (shaghaf); nostalgia (shawk and haneen); disorientation (foutoun); overflowing (ghamarat); passionate (gharam and 3oshok); falling in love (hawa); carried away (houyam); appeasing (istikanat); bewitched (khalabat); adoration (ta3abod); ecstatic (tatayom); frightened (wahal); vehemence (wajad); platonic (3ozri).

 

4)      Natural feelings such as: friendship (khelat); to have an affair (3ilakat); to be linked to (kholm); minimal transgression (lumam); steadiness (mahabat); attachment (mokt); feelings (sababat); liking young girls (sabwat); delicat love (wod); having intercourse (nakaha); foreplay (talamous, tala3ob); kissing (kobolat).

 

A lady said “As a kid luxury meant fur coat; after acquiring education luxury meant intellectual challenges; as I matured luxury is falling constantly in love”  She failed to precise what consequences she was not willing to endure.

362.  Legitimate, Temporary, and Necessary; (June 5, 2009)

 

363.  Sex Tales (June 6, 2009)

 

364.  I have a position: I am voting today; (June 7, 2009)

 

365.  Love Tales; (June 8, 2009)

 

366.  Bi-Weekly Report (#25) on Lebanon and the Middle East; (June 8, 2009)

 

367.  Seduction Tales; (June 9, 2009)

 

368.  The culprits:  vegetative Ariel Sharon and Hubeika; (June 11, 2009)

 

369.  Reactions to Seduction, Love, and Sex Tales; (June 12, 2009)

 

370.  Traditional Wedding; (June 13, 2009)

 

371.  Arab Sex Art: Star of the Internet; (June 14, 2009)

 

 

372.  Right to Return: for the Palestinian refugees; (June 15, 2009)

 

373.  Elections’ Aftermath: Iran and Lebanon; (June 15, 2009)

 

374.  Uncontested Palestinian Leader: late Yasser Arafat (Abu 3Ammar); June 15, 2009

 

375.  Mystics and Sufis; (June 16, 2009

 

376.  Headdress; (June 16, 2009)

Reactions to Seduction, Love, and Sex Tales (June 12, 2009)

 

            In the last three months I had decided that my posts would not exceed 800 words.  Consequently, my posts must not be read as academic essays intended to cover all aspects of any theme or in any reasonable depth.  Many times, as a few posts cover many aspect of the same theme then I combine them in a somewhat lengthy essay. In general I try to exaggerate to shock readers into personal reflection.  I leave it to the reader to figure out the many perspectives and angles for comprehending a theme. I even challenge readers with direct and categorical positions to generate comments that may resume discussion and enrich dialogue. Most of the time this tactic is successful and I always factors in comments of the types of immature curses and semi sentences.

 

            For example I receive a well elaborate comment on my post “Sex Tales”.  It goes “I was really interested in reading “sex tales”. I read this post many times and I felt your “anger” in your writing. What I don’t agree, even if I am not a man, is when you say that men don’t have pleasure and that the sexual act is “only” a tension relief. I agree that the sexual act is a natural need but you cannot compare it to pissing and shitting, even when we’re not talking about love, because sex is something that you can control, it is related to desire and pleasure, it is something you share.

            How can you generalize by telling that “Man is not endowed to experience sexual pleasures […]”? Did you ever discuss this issue with other men? In my opinion you cannot compare sex to masturbation, they are fundamentally different.

            You say that men need practice; I say that women need practice too. Practice is important for both genders in order to know their bodies, to know how to give pleasure and how to receive pleasure. Do you think that for women sex is “easier” or pleasure is “automatic”? Don’t you think that women also care for men’s pleasure and that they enjoy giving as much as getting?

             I looked for an explanation for your anger and I may have found two:

First, you said concerning men’s hands “one is more sensitive, functional, and defter than the other and not for manual work but for relieving your emotional anger and passions” maybe is it this emotional anger that is reflected in your writing?

Second, maybe it is a manifestation of a tendency for misogyny? After all, the way we see the world is always influenced by our personal experiences.”

 

            That was a wonderful comment and I tend to agree on most points. It gave me the opportunity to elaborate my position.  I am replying gladly and with excitement. Personally, I am sure that women need far more practice than men.  Mind you that I am not talking about seduction but the nitty gritty sex part of foreplay and intercourse.  After all it is the woman who is in the receiving end of sexual pleasure.  If the woman is not in control of the entire exercise then she had a failing grade and needs to practice more to accede to the next level.  Man must be the passive partner and as long as man is the active one then the woman has received a failing grade.

            No, we cannot compare sex to masturbation unless the woman partner is frequently getting lousy grades.  Then, it is far better for man to get in control of his “destiny” or change sexual partners.  It is the woman responsibility to retain her sex partner and discover what make her man tick.  Hint: occasionally, man wants to feel in charge; then it is your call “wisie”.

 

I get very tired doing the control part because it drains most of the nervous energy and requires complete focus to pleasure my partner while I never get an affirmative “Thank you”.  I maintain that sexual intercourse is an exit alternative for man to relieve his anxieties and angers until the wise woman partner extracts a genuine “Thank you” appreciation from her man after the game is over. Then, sex can shift to a qualitative level: it is for the man to expect a confirming “thank you” note from the woman partner.  Then we can say that sex is ranked as quality time; a serious fulfilling and relaxing exercise.  It is the phase when both partners have done their homework and learned what give pleasure to both sides.

 

            In general, I discovered that I like more the company of women than man: there are challenges at every corner until routine sets in. Then it is time for a change seeking the company of men.  As for misogyny and such terminologies I tend to avoid them: generalizations are intrinsically false.  Every person, in both genders, has a combination of characters; some tend to behave more frequently misogyny than others. What count is not what we say but rather how we act and behave. 

            Anyway, I am still into introspection and this exercise might last a life long. 

 

Note 1: I stumbled on a post offering advices for good sex.  Man likes seductive, intelligent, and confident woman. Women should behave lady like on the street and exhibit her bitchy vocabulary and lexicon in bed.  Woman should control burping and farting to the bare minimum: do you know anyone inclined to fuck his beer drinking buddy?  Woman should prove that she feels fine in her body and not constantly worried of the next esthetic surgery.  Woman should refrain from biting the penis or any canine scare tactics; likewise, man should refrain from savaging the clitoris and bruising it. Both genders should not trash talk about their acquaintances: this is a sure proof of low self esteem and a strong message that danger is around the bend.

 

Note 2: I linked three posts on seduction, love and sex for those interested in following the conversation.

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2009/06/09/seduction-tales/

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2009/06/09/love-tales/

https://adonis49.wordpress.com/2009/06/07/sex-tales/

Love Tales (June 8, 2009)

The Moslem Caliph of Baghdad, Haroun Al Racheed, had expanded the Arab Empire to its apogee.  He still had insomnia thinking on the meaning and sensations of amorous passion; he wanted to learn more about love and desires, though he had all kinds of concubines.

Caliph Al Rasheed fell in love with his cousin Zubaida, and married her in 781, and she conserved her privilege in Haroun’s heart because of her intelligence and refinement.

The erudite Al Asmai described to the Caliph what love is:  “A light that illuminates the mind and permits life to vibrate through its radiation.”  Apparently, the caliph was satisfied enough to bestow a fortune to the interpreter.

Al Rasheed was the son of a powerful love affair between Caliph Al Mahdi and his concubine Khizarane whom he married.  The early caliphs liked to communicate with women more than with men: they had realize that women made the effort to increase knowledge in varieties of disciplines that Caliphs shared interest in such as poetry, playing musical instruments, medicine, theology, astronomy, and mathematics.

Ibn Hazm who lived in Andalusia (994-1064) was a prolific writer, scientist, statesman, and politician; he wrote the famous “Treatise of Love” which was translated in all kinds of languages and was the main source for Medieval Europe to educate their sentimental and chivalrous behaviors.

Have you ever fallen in love?  How do you know that someone is falling in love? Examples of Ibn Hazm description of falling in Love:

“When I get up to leave you, my gait resembles the one who is taken to be executed.  When I rejoin you, I hurry as the moon crosses the sky.  When I say good bye I am as slow as the fixed stars.”

When you move I follow you.   I take the same direction as yours as the chameleon trails after the sunshine. When you stop I contemplate you intently: the eye is the wide open door for the soul’s secrets.

When I speak to you I utter incongruities. I listen intently at anything you say, I am astonished of whatever you divulge to me, I acknowledge your opinions, and I believe your lies.”

“I feel sensational pleasure being squeezed with you in enclosed quarters.  I extend my hand toward the same object you desire to grab.  I love to drink from your same glass, where you placed your lips.  I am constantly aching to touch your hand and to lean on you.”

I am discovering that with you, what I loathed is gorgeous and colorful; what was hard is pretty easy to take and do.  My inert heart is burning amidst this storm.  I am ready to open up on my deepest secrets. If I had not met you I would have never known why my mother conceived me.”

The energy released by Eros is devastating and all consuming.  Falling in love is a transforming source of energy; it excites inert and dessicated hearts; it pacifies frenzied tendencies.

It is a bad sign when your lover acts normal when he meets with you or speaks evenly.  It is a bad omen when you realize that your lover has excellent appetite and is gaining weight.

Are you a man who likes mostly the company of men?

Are you a woman who likes mostly the company of women?

Then, most probably, you are seeking love in the wrong spheres of society.  Falling in love within the same gender is easier than facing the challenge of knowing a different type of love partner; routine communication is the sure way to killing a relationship.

Remember, in matter of feeling, an experienced man is twice better than a regular man; an experienced women is four times better than a novice girl.

Note: I translated many sections from the French manuscript “Love in the Moslem countries“. You may refer to my post “Seduction Tales” on how the French writer George Sand and the French novelist Stendhal describe “falling in love


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