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Mind soup and Breakdown of Typical AUB Students (Lebanon)

 

 posted on March 25, 2011:

Breakdown of Typical AUB Students

After four years of studying at AUB, I think it’s time to breakdown a list of typical AUB students that you are bound to meet here:

  • The Westies: are students who have nothing better to do in life but sit outside and around West Hall and socialize 24/7. Some of them even come as early as 7:00 AM, even though their first class doesn’t start before 2:00 PM..
  • The Fiskies, known as hippies: are usually the weird English/Philosophy students who hang out outside Fisk Hall and are very culture-oriented. They have the look of afro hairdos, weird facial hair, slippers, and I’m fairly certain they are high on something other than knowledge.
  • The Zoo-keepers: are the students who basically live in the area known as the “zoo” which is a small park area facing the AUB cafeteria. They hang out to smoke, cluster, and discuss one-sided politics.
  • The sunbathers: are the students who skip classes to lay down on green oval and get tanned when the sun is out. They are usually wearing very short shorts/bikinis and are very touchy with their boy friends/girl friends/same-sex partners.
  • The premeds: are the people whose souls revolve around becoming a doctor. They eat books, drink books and sleep books. They also have common phrases such as: “Oh shit, I didn’t count how many times the professor sneezed in today’s lecture, do you think he will ask about that in the exam?
  • The Cafet Frenchies: “omelette au fromage!! OMELETTE DU FROMAGE!” (link)
  • The couples: these come in a variety of shapes, sizes and characteristics. The most common ones are the ones who are stuck at the hips (or possibly the lips), take all their courses together (even though they are of different majors) and do not miss a chance to play “bunny rabbit copulation” behind bushes or in random places around campus. These people need to learn how to get a room.
  • The celebrities/sons or daughters of celebrities: who arrive to campus with their Ferraris or Lexuses or by their daddy’s private chauffeurs (if they even bothered to remember that they had class) and are followed by groupies who worship the ground they walk on. These range from 15-minutes of fame singers/actors/inventors to sons and daughters of crappy notorious politicians.
  • The internationals: and they come in 2 distinct categories: The first category includes the intellectuals who want to learn everything about the middle eastern culture from the food to the swear-words. The second category are the show-off internationals who compare everything to their home country and say that everything there is much better. Ex: the water taste weird here, I should have brought water with me from [insert country name] OR I used to crap much more in [country name] than I do here.
  • The graphic-designers: “B*tch Puh-leez why are you looking at me like that, you know that I’m much better than you! I’ve got style
  • The campus icons: who are all over the place, know everyone, and have possibly been in AUB for the last decade.
  • The political whores: who think and dream about their political figures all day and night long and have to parade about them in front of our faces even if it is nowhere near election season. Even worse than the political whores are the political zombies who are brainwashed to the extent that they have to include their political leader in every conversation they have with anyone.
  • The attention whores: who do anything to attract people’s attention – from a face tattoo to bright red hair to wearing a superman cape.
  • The anti-social bookworms: are people who have managed to make 0.3 friends because all they do is attend class, go directly home and study. These people truly do not really experience the true university experience.
  • The over-achievers: who are usually in over their heads, juggling classes, every kind of extra-curricular activity available and sleep all at once until everything starts crumbling down by midterms.
  • The under-achievers: they do not give a banana-peel about anything going on, usually sit in the back of the class, play with their overpriced phones and stare blankly into the ceiling.
  • The clubbers: who claim (in a trashy magazine) that they spend $500 per week on clubbing and show up drunk or hungover to class.
  • The business students (aka blondies): who as stereotypical as it might seem actual strain their mind by trying to calculate 1+2 for finance class.
  • The blackberry addicts: are people who’s faces are glued to their blackberries (or other smart phones) all the time. You cannot even have a proper conversation with them because they will be spacing out every time their phone pings.
  • The teacher’s pets: who enjoy spending time at their professors office everyday before class, after class and coffee breaks, kiss up to them during class and won’t say no if they were offered to clean their homes for them.
  • The main-gaters: whose sole purpose in life is to sit on a bench on Main Gate and play cards until they miraculously pass their courses or their father’s money runs out (whichever comes first).
  • The religious tight-asses: who do not speak to you or befriend you because you are from a different religion/sect than they are and are sure that you will burn in hell because their religious figure told them so (beware: they try to lure you in by their flawed reasoning and hypnotic spells)
  • The super models: who have the decency to wake up at 5:00 AM each morning to apply full make-up, get fitted into an evening gown and wear the highest heals imaginable to an 8:00 AM Biology lecture.
  • The perverts: who cannot hear a sentence containing the words “hard, wood, come, etc..” without breaking out into laughter or saying “that’s what she said
  • The graduate students: who are slaves to their GA professors, won’t be seen in sunlight and usually spend their nights guarding their experiments in the lab or correcting student exams.
  • The activists: whose only purpose from coming to university is to promote their desired goals (be it from anti-secularism, anti-homosexuality, pro-homosexuality, health insurance, tuition increase, civil marriage etc…) which sometimes turns the area around West Hall into a line of beggars just waiting to be fed.
  • The backstabbers: who show to your face that they are God’s angels on earth and they are your truest friends but go around bitching about you behind your back or creating rumors because they are just too jealous and they have nothing better to do.
  • The drama queens (and kings): “OMG I haven’t studied anything for this exam” OR “the exam was sooo freakin hard, I’m gonna fail so bad” and eventually get one of the top grades and be on the honor-list.
  • The “serious business” types: especially those guys who come to class everyday dressing like my grandpa in flannel shirts and leather shoes because they are trying to give the impression that they are serious and professional.
  • The comedians: and this is currently the trend – if you suck at everything you do, become a comedian. Not that they are even remotely funny anyway!
  • The lesbian feminists: who write love letters to other girls in your poetry class and think that you don’t know what’s going on.
  • The athletes: who wear fur jackets on nylon shorts in winter and jog shirtless around campus in summer while skipping classes because they are just THAT hot.
I think that’s about enough for now, although I think I can come up with many more typical categories (like the enthusiastic engineers and the tech wiz-kids). What else have I missed?
Add your favorite types of AUB students in the comment box and I’ll be adding the best ones to the list.
UPDATE: Of course there are other types of students that may not be mentioned above. I have just mentioned the ones that come first to mind that I see most frequently, or the most that have left a long-lasting impression.
If you are just going to spread your hate in the comment box, I’d appreciate it if you take it somewhere else.Readers’ contributions:

  • The Jafeters: who reserve their chairs & tables for the whole semester [at AUB’s main Library, Jafet], and go there daily from 8am-12am [by @alijizi]
  • The programmers: who think they can make all professions obsolete by writing a program. [by Rami H.]
  • Engineers: They start pulling all-nighters from their first semester to work on their 100,000 projects due at the end of every semester. They also always argue with the premeds stating that they are actually smarter whereas the premeds only sit around memorizing bio books. [by Daisy]

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