Adonis Diaries

Posts Tagged ‘The Onion

Iran Worried U.S. Might Be Building 8,500th Nuclear Weapon

NewsiranNewsISSUE 48•06Feb 9, 2012
Ironic The Onion posted: 

TEHRAN—Amidst mounting geopolitical tensions, Iranian officials said Wednesday they were increasingly concerned about the United States of America’s uranium-enrichment program, fearing the Western nation may soon be capable of producing its 8,500th nuclear weapon.

“Our intelligence estimates indicate that, if it is allowed to progress with its aggressive nuclear program, the United States may soon possess its 8,500th atomic weapon capable of reaching Iran,” said Iranian foreign minister Ali Akbar Salehi.

Adding that Americans have the fuel, the facilities, and “everything they need” to manufacture even more weapons-grade fissile material.

“Obviously, the prospect of this happening is very distressing to Iran and all countries like Iran. After all, the United States is a volatile nation that’s proven it needs little provocation to attack anyone anywhere in the world whom it perceives to be a threat.”

Iranian intelligence experts also warned of the very real, and very frightening, possibility of the U.S. providing weapons and resources to a rogue third-party state such as Israel.

Note: France provided Israel with the means and facilities to produce its atomic bombs in the mid 1960’s and testing Israel bombs that were detonated in the Algerian desert. Scores of Algerian workers and French soldiers died from the blast: The French military deemed it a patriotic decision for its soldiers to be kept in the dark of the lethal consequences of the radiation

Is the superpower Club of the 5 Surrendering To North Korea?

Reports from Pyongyang (North Korea) is that the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea successfully conducted its third nuclear test, detonating an atomic bomb by a site close to China.

The Super Five, along with North Korea, Pakistan, India, Israel… have already detonated countless atomic bombs.

What’s the great deal now? Is’t Iran potential positioning to be added to the minor Club the problem?

Who classifies Rogue States and Goody States?

Posted in The Onion this Feb. 12, 2013 “World Surrenders To North Korea”

“In the face of this immense show of military might, our choice has become clear: surrender now or be instantly annihilated,” U.S. President Barack Obama said as he joined United Kingdom Prime Minister David Cameron, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, and all other world leaders in kneeling and groveling before the Dear Leader.

“At this point, we cannot resist the will of the North Korean dominion, nor would we want to. Our defeated nations and the people therein are hereby property of our Noble Leader, who henceforth may do with them as he wishes.”

“May the divinely ordained dynasty endure for 1,000 years!” Obama added.

The former U.S. Capitol building is now headquarters of the North Korean–American Workers’ Party.

According to sources worldwide, following the total and unyielding capitulation of Russia, China, South Korea, and the rest of Earth’s nearly 200 sovereignties to North Korea, the newly subjugated nations have already begun the process of relinquishing their governments, militaries, cultural identities, and media outlets to the all-powerful autocracy.

Additionally, sources confirmed the global surrender has been expedited through the immediate occupation of all centers of government by thousands of North Korean diplomats, who are overseeing the voluntary turnover of all property—including munitions, gold bullion, and food—to the People’s Republic, which in the future may dole them out to its recently acquired territories as it deems appropriate.

“The United States and the rest of the world looks forward to devoting its resources and manpower to the great cultural and political project of our new North Korean rulers,” said Obama, as halfway around the world a North Korean flag was raised above the newly relinquished U.S. Capitol building.

“It is a shame that it took this latest nuclear test to reveal our foolhardiness in attempting to resist the will of the mighty North Korean empire. Our only hope is that the great People’s Republic will forgive our past arrogance and take pity on its poor subjects. Your might and power truly know no equal, Dear Leader.”

When reached for comment Tuesday, the Global Supreme Leader himself was less conciliatory.

“The surrender of North Korea’s global enemies was an inevitability that our adversaries were foolish to delay,” Kim said. “In the coming weeks, the world’s people will learn firsthand the dear price of their resistance.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: Following the complete and utter surrender of the world’s inferior peoples to North Korea, The Onion would like to reaffirm its decades-long loyalty to the People’s Republic.

As the Supreme Leader is no doubt aware, The Onion has secretly financed the Korean Workers’ Party since its inception, and we are proud at last to see the Powerful and Prosperous Nation take its rightful place.

Long may North Korea reign, and death and dishonor to any who hope to oppose this mighty nation”.

Note: North Korea is a puppet to China. The club of 5 is to please China to deter North Korea.


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

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