Adonis Diaries

Do we need Him a witness? 

I raised an army and defeated people, entered cities, slaughtered, hanged, maimed, terrified, and ruled; I need a God to witness my deeds.

I split the atom, generated nuclear energy, searched the stars, and landed on planets; I need a God to witness my intelligence and perseverance.

I joined the resistance against occupiers and was ready to fall a martyr and I need a God to witness that I was steadfast in my dignity.

I am living in a desolate region; I am dying of thirst, famine, and curable diseases; I need a God to witness my suffering.

I am an aristocrat and I inherited a fortune; I need a God to witness my self-sufficiency.

I am an ascetic; I joined a sect that provides me with food and cares for my health; I need a God to witness the hard life that I consecrated to meditation and repeating his 99 names.

I was lucky to live long enough and ask “why I got to exist”.

I was lucky to survive long enough through hazardous risks and dangers while others were not born, stillborn dead, died prematurely, and died too young to worry about death. I need a God to witness that I am thankful

I was lucky to care for imminent departures, dare look death in the eyes, converse with the universe, search for a point of application to move part of the world, to change, to redirect interests…

I was lucky to gain new relationships, to find the courage to confess, to confide bottled up emotions, verbalize uneasiness, to express frustrations clearly,

I was lucky to see nature grow, witness the existence of other living forms, to hang on to my garden, to get cozy in my quarter of solitude, to appreciate my rights as an individual and fight for them, and to get convinced that diversity is good and necessary.

I need a God to witness that I did my best to value exotic tendencies, conformist attitudes, conservative behaviors, revolutionary zeal, simple pleasures, a walk in nature, creating a void around me, and inviting boisterous neighbors.

I need a God to witness that I laughed at my limitations, allowed others to make fun of my idiosyncrasies, and showed off my capabilities.

I need a God to witness that I discovered new cultures, customs, and traditions;

That I started collecting artifacts, relics, manuscripts of dying civilizations;

That I battled for species on the verge of extinction, minority and ethnic races swept aside by globalization;

That I have gone to war for clean air and fresh potable water;

That I demonstrated for parcels of wild prairies and virgin forests.

I don’t need a Creator, all Compassionate, all Vengeful, all Knowledge; it is irrelevant.

I am good, evil, mean, cruel, benevolent, and respectful; who I am is also irrelevant.

When all is said and done I need a God who never dies and remembers everything.

I need a God to witness that I was a survivor;

That once upon a time I did exist.