Adonis Diaries

She let go of her suitor (Written in November 17, 2007)

Almost all of us think that we are acute psychologists because of our reduced life experiences, but not many would venture into writing an article that smack of psychology.

I obviously dab into psychology when I write poetry, but an article in human nature is the first for me.  Luckily, a friend recently advised me that in order for an article in the web to be read, it should not exceed 500 words.  I love this suggestion in this case: it would save me lots of mishaps by lengthy chatting on this peculiar topic.

A specific occurrence in my close family got me into thinking and this fundamental concept dawned on me.  Women would instantly marry men they fall in love with, regardless whether love is reciprocal, as long as the man is accommodating.

Most women are viewed (perceived) as pragmatic or practical because they prefer to marry men able to provide a comfortable standard of living; this perception is in the “common sense” category of evidences because in most cultures men are the ones expected to make the first moves and ask for the hand of their selected choices and the parents has a definite say after financial investigation.

This perception is far from the truth.

First, if a woman has the choice between a comfortable provider and the one she loves then she would select the man she loves with no hesitation.  Fortunately, these moments of choices are rare, simply because either the woman has not yet fallen in love, or the one she loves is not available or unreachable to work diligently on him.

Second, the ratio of achiever man, combined with the acumen of letting his imagination run wild into recounting enchanted schemes and projects (that women tend to fall in love with) and the rest of the other kinds of men are pretty abysmal; and thus, women have a puny pool of men to fall in love with.

The perception of women having a practical streak is the result of rare occasions for women to show their fundamental sides.

I am not distinguishing between the “independent” and “non-independent” women because the above concept is a truth for all normal women as the right occasion is available.

One advantage for an independent woman to marrying the man she loves is that she has a wider intellectual and practical range of means to work on her man as long as he is receptive. Mind that I didn’t define an “independent” woman by her economic status of financial self-sufficiency, although that would give the woman a powerful advantage in most cases.

What I mean by an independent woman is the one that was permitted freedom of choices in many sectors of life during her upbringing, or her folks were lenient enough to encourage her to take initiatives and allow her to impose the choices in most instances.  Thus, an independent woman has acquired a flexible and trained mind to investing energy and time at studying her choices and carrying them into satisfactory results.

Allow me to go one step further in matter of truth.  A “pragmatic” married woman would never relinquish her God’s given right to seeking the love of her life.  That is why divorces and unhappy houses are so widespread everywhere and in among all cultures.

I would be interested to reading a study on spinsters, who are attractive enough, and discover the main reasons for them not marrying.

My hypothesis is that a spinster was in love with a “local” man and the “rich” practical men were not forthcoming or felt that the spinster was not a good actor for sending the right signals as expected of her.

I reduced my sample of “attractive enough” spinsters because I feel the attribute “beautiful” is very strong for men, in most cases, not to let an attractive woman go unmarried.  Mind that I will not insists on the characteristics of men simply because a man needs a lifetime to applying Socrates’ dictum “know your own self!”

Women in general do not give words, especially coming from man, much weight as evidence for truth; women believe that they have a set of battery of their own lie detectors to verify if a man is saying the truth and behaving correctly in order to preserving their hold on him.

The best criterion for women to discriminate strong from weak men is to demand from men to pour their heart out and provide total description of their status, life and inclinations; women insist on their men to tell everything, implicitly to convince men that they (woman) believe in their words, but it is the most important first test.

If men fall into that trap and divulge everything, then they have lost the war already; women want strong men and those men who tell them everything are categorized as weak in character and useless to protect them or to fall in love with them.

Those men who failed this critical test and succumbed to weakness should never expect the woman to fall in love with him even if she decided to marry him.  The woman who marries such a man has fundamentally no real interest in men, but prefer this front to save further exacerbations with constant wowing and pressures from men.

No, it is not a power struggle undertone for the search of a weak man to dominate, because all women want to be the leaders in the family and they would ultimately grab that power with minimum determination.  All that women want from men is that men constantly tell them what women like to hear and to hell with the truth, which they can always discover with their own array of lie indicators.

Men should master the techniques for perfect lie stories that women love to hear as long as men never forget to compliment them frequently and act very devoted to them.

Consequently, a word of advice for grown up men, those who didn’t marry in their mid-twenties:

1. Dig into whatever intuitive power you have to feel whether the girl of your choice may fall in love with you.  Rushing mindlessly and immediately into investing energy, time and resources to just wowing her is a typical man’s weakness.

2. Now, if your intuition was high-jacked by an evil spirit into believing that the love of your life is indeed in love with you, then the next step is to discourage your girl from meeting with comfortable providers by any means available.

All these suggestions are for just the practical situation of getting married.

Living happily is a totally another issue and I am no redundant prophet.  Simply remember what I said of woman’s single uncompromising faith of her God’s given right.