Adonis Diaries

Archive for the ‘sex/ love/seduction’ Category

A lot of crap in these idioms about Love: Just feel free to select what is convenient

Shakespeare, Platon, Perron, Rousseau, Geraldi, Jobran, Bernard Shaw…

تكلم هامساً عندما تتكلم عن الحب
( وليم شكسبير )
قد تنمو الصداقة لتصبح حباً ، ولكن الحب لا يتراجع ليصبح صداقة
( بيرون )

الحب تجربة حية لا يعانيها إلا من يعيشها
( سيمون دى )
الحب سلطان ولذلك فهو فوق القانون

الحب كالحرب من السهل أن تشعلها . . من الصعب أن تخمدها
الحب هو اللعبة الوحيدة التي يشترك فيها اثنان ويكسبان فيها معاً أو يخسران معاً .

الحب جزء من وجود الرجل ، ولكنه وجود المرأة بأكمله
( بيرون )
الرجل يحب ليسعد بالحياة ، والمرأة تحيا لتسعد بالحب
( جان جاك روسو )

قد يولد الحب بكلمة ولكنه لا يمكن أبداً أن يموت بكلمة
الحب لا يقتل العشاق . . هو فقط يجعلهم معلقين بين الحياة و الموت .

الذي يحب يصّدق كل شيء أو لا يصّدق أي شيء .
الشباب يتمنون الحب فالمال فالصحة ، و لكن سيجيء اليوم الذي يتمنون فيه الصحة فالمال فالحب
( جيرالدي )

مأساة الحب تتلخص في أن الرجل يريد أن يكون أول من يدخل قلب المرأة . .
و المرأة تريد أن تكون آخر من يدخل قلب الرجل ( بيرون )

من يحب . . يحب إلى الأبد
في الحب خطابات نبعث بها وأخرى نمزقها وأجمل الخطابات هي التي لا نكتبها

الحب أعمى
(أفلاطون)
الحب وردة والمرأة شوكتها
(شوبنهاور)

يضاعف الحب من رقة الرجل ، ويضعف من رقة المرأة
(جارلسون)
الحب يضعف التهذيب في المرأة ويقويه في الرجل
(ريشتر)

الحب مبارزة تخرج منها المرأة منها منتصرة إذا أرادت
(لابرويير)
الحب للمرأة كالرحيق للزهرة
(تشارلز ثوب)

الحب أنانية اثنين
(مدام دو ستال)
الحب المجنون يجعل الناس وحوشاً
(فيون)

ما الحب إلا جنون
(شكسبير)
الحب ربيع المرأة وخريف الرجل
(هيلين رونالد)
ا

لحب يرى الورود بلا أشواك
(مثل ألماني)
الحب يستأذن المرأة في أن يدخل قلبها ، وأما الرجل فإنه يقتحم قلبه دون استئذان ،
وهذه هي مصيبتنا (برنارد شو)

الحب أعمى والمحبون لا يرون الحماقة التي يقترفون
(شكسبير)
إذا شكا لك شاب من قسوة امرأة ، فاعلم أن قلبه بين يديها
(برنيس)

الحب دمعة وابتسامة
(جبران)
يعجبها مني أن أحبها ، ويطربها أن أشقى في سبيلها
(شلر)

إذا كنت تحب امرأة فلا تقل لها (( أنا أحبك )) . .
إن هذه العبارة أوّل ما تجعل المرأة تفكر في السيطرة عليك (كلارك جيبل)

Letters of Leader Antoun Saadi: we can love, but is it possible to get married when we have a purpose for our Nation?

Letter of Saadi to Edvick Jraydini (Shayboub?) in 1938

تحيا سورية،
إضاءة اليوم:

[…] قد لاحظت في رسالتكِ هذه تساؤلاً ينمُّ عن خشيةٍ فعجبتُ لهذا التّقارب في الفكر والإحساس بيننا: ” هل ممكن أن يزول كلّ ما بيننا يوماً ما؟” كم كنت أودّ لو أنّ ما بيننا بلغ غايته قبل أن تداهمنا مثل هذه الخواطر! كلّا. إنّ ما بيننا لا يمكن أن يزول، ولكنّ تساؤلكِ يجاوب تساؤلي عن الحقيقة والاصطلاح، عن الحبّ والزّواج، عن الحياة والتّقاليد. […]

[…] إنّي سعيد، يا حبيبتي، لأنّ الرّابطة بيننا لم تكن مجرّد الرّغبة في الزّواج، فأنا لم أكن رجلاً يبحث عن عروس، بل كانت الحبّ. وحبّك فقط هو الذي جلب إليَّ فكرة الزّواج التي كانت بعيدةً عنّي كلّ البعد إذ كنت بكليَّتي لقضية أمّتي، لا أفكّر إلاّ لها، ولا يصحبني سوى خيالها. فلمّا اجتمعت بكِ وتحاببنا وفكّرت في الأمر، قلت في نفسي، سيكون لي شريكةً في هذا التّفاني القوميّ. […]


[…] إنَّ تفكيري يتناول الآن قضايا واسعةً وشؤوناً دقيقةً خطيرة تتعلّق بمئات القضايا المتشابكة. وحين أفكّر في أمر زواجنا لا أفكّر إلاّ بكِ. فأنا قد اعتدت على الخشونة وتقلّب الظّروف وسرعة الانتقال وتجشُّم الأسفار وركوب الأخطار أمّا أنتِ وصحّتكِ وبنيتكِ وقلبكِ وما تحتاجين إليه من عنايةٍ وعطفٍ واجتماعٍ واستقرارٍ وطمأنينة فكيف يكون شأنكِ في حياتي التي لا قرار لها قبل بلوغ القصد وتحقيق الرّسالة؟ […]


[…] لا أستطيع الجزم بشيءٍ سوى أنّي أحبّكِ ولكنّ حبّي لكِ ليس لنفسي وليس هو محور حياتي، بل سورية هي المحور الذي تدور عليه حياتي وحبّي. كلّنا يجب أن نكون سورية، لأنّه قد جاء الوقت الذي إذا فات ولم نفعل شيئاً في سبيل حرّيتنا فإنّنا ساقطون في عبوديّةٍ شديدةٍ طويلة. يجب أن نصبح أمّةً حرّة لكي يصبح الحبّ السّوريّ حبَّ أحرارٍ لا حبَّ عبيد والحرُّ لا يمكنه أن ينعم بحبّه في العبوديّة.


إنّي في صراعٍ فكريٍّ عنيف فساعديني فيه يا حبيبتي. […]
سعاده

الرّسالة 17
في 5 فبراير 1938
إلى إدفيك جريديني 1938/1937
#إضاءة_اليوم

Is falling in love, the ultimate in masochism?

« L’amour est masochiste.

Ces cris, ces plaintes, ces douces alarmes, cet état d’angoisse des amants, cet état d’attente, cette souffrance latente, sous-entendue, à peine exprimée,

Ces mille inquiétudes au sujet de l’absence de l’être aimé, cette fuite du temps, ces susceptibilités, ces sautes d’humeur,

Ces rêvasseries, ces enfantillages, cette torture morale où la vanité et l’amour-propre sont en jeu, l’honneur, l’éducation, la pudeur,

Ces hauts et ces bas du tonus nerveux, ces écarts de l’imagination, ce fétichisme, cette précision cruelle des sens qui fouaillent et qui fouillent,

Cette chute, cette prostration, cette abdication, cet avilissement, cette perte et cette reprise perpétuelle de la personnalité, ces bégaiements, ces mots, ces phrases, cet emploi du diminutif, cette familiarité,

Ces hésitations dans les attouchements, ce tremblement épileptique, ces rechutes successives et multipliées, cette passion de plus en plus troublée, orageuse et dont les ravages vont progressant, jusqu’à la complète inhibition,

La complète annihilation de l’âme, jusqu’à l’atonie des sens, jusqu’à l’épuisement de la moelle, au vide du cerveau, jusqu’à la sécheresse du cœur, ce besoin d’anéantissement, de destruction, de mutilation, ce besoin d’effusion, d’adoration, de mysticisme,

Cet inassouvissement qui a recours à l’hyperirritabilité des muqueuses, aux errances du goût, aux désordres vaso-moteurs ou périphériques et qui fait appel à la jalousie et à la vengeance, aux crimes, aux mensonges, aux trahisons, cette idolâtrie, cette mélancolie incurable, cette apathie,

Cette profonde misère morale, ce doute définitif et navrant, ce désespoir, tous ces stigmates ne sont-ils point les symptômes mêmes de l’amour d’après lesquels on peut diagnostiquer, puis tracer d’une main sûre le tableau clinique du masochisme ? »

Blaise Cendrars – Moravagine

Sexuality, reported actions, and the body: A refutation

What do you call a man who exposes himself to women for pleasure?

A philosophy professor, of course. Why does this joke work?

Because sexual harassment is so common in academic philosophy. But also because of the tension between the image of the lewd “flasher” (a certain type of harasser) and that of the staid professor.

When you think about it, most times that you are naked it’s not even about sex: when you bathe, dress, or are examined by the doctor, for example.

The ancient Greeks used to wrestle naked and artists still use naked models.

Indeed, without the body, human culture would not exist.

So really the body is very respectable and vital to human flourishing. We are a corporeal species.

fauxphilnews,  a guest post of wordpress.com by Clinton McGruff, had this to say in response to recent events on “Sexuality, reported actions, and the body: A refutation”

I have in fact written a whole book about the body, Pretension, in which its ubiquity is noted and celebrated.

I even have a cult centering on the body, described in this blog. I have given a semester-long seminar discussing the body and displays related to it.

I now tend to use nudity in the wide-ranging manner just outlined, sometimes with humorous intent.

Suppose now a professor P, well conversant in the above points, slyly exposes himself to his graduate student, who is conversant. The astute student, suitably primed, responds after a moment by saying: “Um… you’re not trying to proposition me, right?” Professor P replies: “You are clearly a clever student—I can’t trick you. That is exactly the response I was looking for!” They then laugh nervously together. (I don’t see the humor in cliche’ responses)

Academics like mind games.

But suppose a naïve onlooker, seeing this witty display, jumps to the conclusion that the nudity is indicative of something sexual. He then reports the act of Professor P as follows: “Professor P propositioned his student.”

He has failed to see the joke and has no knowledge of the intellectual background of the display he is trying so ineptly to report. He clearly misreports what Professor P did, missing both the content and the humor.

We might accurately describe P’s action as follows: P exposed himself to his student. Completely innocent.

These reflections take care of certain false allegations that have been made about me recently (graduate students are not what they used to be).

One has a duty to take all aspects of the situation into account and not indulge in rash descriptions.

And one should also not underestimate the sophistication of the flasher.

Note 1: Does anyone has a taxonomy for sex offenses?

Note 2: Why most elder people, responding to local anesthesia after a surgery, need to take off their hospital gown and every syringes attached to their body? They wouldn’t mind removing the skin too.

Tidbits and notes posted on FB and Twitter. Part 198

Note: I take notes of books I read and comment on events and edit sentences that fit my style. I pa attention to researched documentaries and serious links I receive. The page is long and growing like crazy, and the sections I post contains a month-old events that are worth refreshing your memory.

Obama was awarded Peace Nobel for his “good intentions to peace“. Wars are worse after 8 years. Time to revert to facts on the ground. Not likely to do same mistake with Donald Trump

Sexual abuses are pretty common everywhere around the world. In many societies, the abuses are not made public for the sake of Honor in the communities, and much less taken to court. In India, occasionally, the community orders a gang raping ritual to salvage the community honor.

Commonly, it is the victim of sexual abuse who carries the brunt of the burden to “prove” the case, given that the victim is willing to have her life-style and history (sexual and other crimes) divulged and thoroughly cross-examined by the defense lawyers…

Why family violence and of the very serious kinds, like beating, bruising, breaking of bones, raping… get a slap on the wrist on the ground of “family matters” and no one has to interfere and the cases are hushed up and not disseminated by the media?

It is about time that these “sexual abuses” allegations be defined operationally, every term of the dozens of innuendos related to sexual abusesharassment, molestation and their various synonyms.

The need for an exhaustive taxonomy of “Family Violence” is becoming an urgent matter, and sex abuses to be a subcategory. Factors like level of seriousness of the abuse (physically, mentally, socially, legally), frequency and duration of the abuse, idiosyncrasy of the community…

If 90% of all liability cases (work related safety and health, car accidents, business related charges…) are settled out of court, why should sexual abuses Not be at the negotiation table by sex “forensic experts“?

Teams of Medical professionals, jurists, social workers, politicians, judges and representatives of communities… must be given the task of operationally defining the kinds of sexual abuses, such as frequency, duration, long-term consequences, cost of trials and recovery, community idiosyncrasies… and admitting the opinions of Sex forensic experts in court

The expert opinions of Sex forensic experts, and who is knowledgeable in a particular community idiosyncrasies need to be recognized in court to save the victims from public harassment, settle 90% of cases out of court, and cut court costs

Bass mou7akaat Red Cross activities, chemical bomb, atomic bomb, white helmet faked videos… yalleh biyet kharraj min Johannam al ard, ma ello jalad tefnissaat johannam al aakherat

Is Lebanon internal force Officer Khashmi Houshaymeh sleeping well? Saf3at hal 3ameed la mouwaten youtaleb bi 7okkou, min 3awaared 7okm al militia. E3laan kouwa al amen ma bi shaje3 le radd al saf3a

© Eve@w. posted this Sept. 3, 2013
I am not a girl of half passion.
I dive in the void as birds that can’t fly
I fell in love and I suffered.
I didn’t despise enough…
Hate was never my master.
I preferred the beating to the blows.
I fell a thousand times.
Only to getting up one more time.
When we learn to walk, this is how we do.
We advance.
This is a long road.
I chose the obsessions: They invade you.
It is soft and round in the stomach.
It is being built and palpitates.
I would like to be able to think in cycles.
I have never appreciated the lukewarm behaviors.
It is erased.
The red heat ravages all on its passage.
It whirls toward the sky.
I don’t like the halves: I want all.
I want it complete.
I want in grand.
I can balance.
I have forgotten my nets

What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

Why a divorced 49 woman seeks sex with married men?

I’m not sure it’s possible to justify my liaisons with married men, but what I learned from having them warrants discussion.

Not between the wives and me, though I would be interested to hear their side. No, this discussion should happen between wives and husbands, annually, the way we inspect the tire tread on the family car to avoid accidents.

A few years ago, while living in London, I dated married men for companionship while I processed the grief of being newly divorced.

I hadn’t sought out married men specifically. When I created a profile on Tinder and OkCupid, saying I was looking for no-strings-attached encounters, plenty of single men messaged me and I got together with several of them. But many married men messaged me too.

After being married for 23 years, I wanted sex but not a relationship. This is dicey because you can’t always control emotional attachments when body chemicals mix, but with the married men I guessed that the fact that they had wives, children and mortgages would keep them from going overboard with their affections.

And I was right. They didn’t get overly attached, and neither did I. We were safe bets for each other.

I was careful about the men I met. I wanted to make sure they had no interest in leaving their wives or otherwise threatening all they had built together. In a couple of cases, the men I met were married to women who had become disabled and could no longer be sexual, but the husbands remained devoted to them

All told I communicated with maybe a dozen men during that time in my life, and had sex with fewer than half. Others I texted or talked with, which sometimes felt nearly as intimate.

Before I met each man I would ask: “Why are you doing this?” I wanted assurance that all he desired was sex.

What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex.

I met one man whose wife had implicitly consented to her husband having a lover because she was no longer interested in sex, at all. They both, to some degree, got what they needed without having to give up what they wanted.

But the other husbands I met would have preferred to be having sex with their wives. For whatever reason, that wasn’t happening.

I know what it feels like to go off sex, and I know what it’s like to want more than my partner. It’s also a tall order to have sex with the same person for more years than our ancestors ever hoped to live. Then, at menopause, a woman’s hormones suddenly drop and her desire can wane.

At 49, I was just about there myself, and terrified of losing my desire for sex. Men don’t have this drastic change. So we have an imbalance, an elephant-size problem, so burdensome and shameful we can scarcely muster the strength to talk about it. (Many men do Not necessarily want intercourse, just feeling cuddled and warm in pretty women embraces, so that they can go out together, bras dessus, bras dessous, and have fun)

Maybe the reason some wives aren’t having sex with their husbands is because, as women age, we long for a different kind of sex. I know I did, which is what led me down this path of illicit encounters. After all, nearly as many women are initiating affairs as men.

If you read the work of Esther Perel, the author of the recently published book “State of Affairs,” you’ll learn that, for many wives, sex outside of marriage is their way of breaking free from being the responsible spouses and mothers they have to be at home. Married sex, for them, often feels obligatory. An affair is adventure.

Meanwhile, the husbands I spent time with would have been fine with obligatory sex. For them, adventure wasn’t the main reason for their adultery.

The first time I saw my favorite married man pick up his pint of beer, the sleeve of his well-tailored suit pulled back from his wrist to reveal a geometric kaleidoscope of tattoos. He was cleanshaven and well mannered with a little rebel yell underneath. The night I saw the full canvas of his tattoo masterpiece, we drank prosecco, listened to ’80s music and, yes, had sex. We also talked.

I asked him: “What if you said to your wife, ‘Look, I love you and the kids but I need sex in my life. Can I just have the occasional fling or a casual affair?’”

He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt her,” he said. “She’s been out of the work force for 10 years, raising our kids and trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life. If I asked her that kind of question, it would kill her.”

“So you don’t want to hurt her, but you lie to her instead. Personally, I’d rather know.”

Well, maybe I would rather know. My own marriage had not broken up over an affair so I couldn’t easily put myself in her position.

It’s not necessarily a lie if you don’t confess the truth,” he said. “It’s kinder to stay silent.” (Thus, the Silent Majority don’t feel they are lying to anyone?)

“I’m just saying I couldn’t do that. I don’t want to be afraid of talking honestly about my sex life with the man I’m married to, and that includes being able to at least raise the subject of sex outside of marriage.”

“Good luck with that!” he said.

“We go into marriage assuming we’ll be monogamous,” I said, “but then we get restless. We don’t want to split up, but we need to feel more sexually alive. Why break up the family if we could just accept the occasional affair?”

He laughed. “How about we stop talking about it before this affair stops being fun?” (This is a case when women have sex as a preamble to interrogating their partners. In few instances, it is the way around for men)

I never convinced any husband that he could be honest about what he was doing. But they were mostly good-natured about it, like a patient father responding to a child who keeps asking, “Why, why, why?”

Maybe I was being too pragmatic about issues that are loaded with guilt, resentment and fear. (As in all issues?)

After all, it’s far easier to talk theoretically about marriage than to navigate it.

But my attitude is that if my spouse were to need something I couldn’t give him, I wouldn’t keep him from getting it elsewhere, as long as he did so in a way that didn’t endanger our family. (A convoluted sentence that obscure its meaning)

I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends. But sex is basic.

Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well-being. So how do we deny such a need to the one we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else. Should we? (if we state it that way that sex is basic)

I didn’t have a full-on affair with the tattooed husband. We slept together maybe four times over a few years. More often we talked on the phone. I never felt possessive, just curious and happy to be in his company.

After our second night together, though, I could tell this was about more than sex for him; he was desperate for affection. He said he wanted to be close to his wife but couldn’t because they were unable to get past their fundamental disconnect: lack of sex, which led to a lack of closeness, which made sex even less likely and then turned into resentment and blame. (the contentment after sex may last a day, but the exacerbation deepens later on)

We all go through phases of wanting it and not wanting it. I doubt most women avoid having sex with their husbands because they lack physical desire in general; we are simply more complex sexual animals.

Which is why men can get an erection from a pill but there’s no way to medically induce arousal and desire in women. (Not sure about that statement. Men have practically no physical sexual arousal places, but when a pretty woman tells him, pretty much directly, “I want you”, his brain execute what is demanded from him)

I am not saying the answer is non-monogamy, which can be rife with risks and unintended entanglements. I believe the answer is honesty and dialogue, no matter how frightening. (Dialogue with a woman is troublesome and fraught with traps?)

Lack of sex in marriage is common, and it shouldn’t lead to shame and silence. By the same token, an affair doesn’t have to lead to the end of a marriage. What if an affair — or, ideally, simply the urge to have one — can be the beginning of a necessary conversation about sex and intimacy? (Excellent with outside companions)

What these husbands couldn’t do was have the difficult discussion with their wives that would force them to tackle the issues at the root of their cheating. (Just a reminder that psychoanalysis is a fraudulent “subjective” science)

They tried to convince me they were being kind by keeping their affairs secret. They seemed to have convinced themselves. But deception and lying are ultimately corrosive, not kind. (To oneself, but Not the relationship)

In the end, I had to wonder if what these men couldn’t face was something else altogether: hearing why their wives no longer wanted to have sex with them. (Not clear. We need to confess with a stranger, and thus we select someone that has more compassion and expertise in life to comprehend our behaviors? Or to clarify what we are afraid of?)

It’s much easier, after all, to set up an account on Tinder.


adonis49

adonis49

adonis49

April 2020
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